TW: My dad died
My dad committed suicide almost 2 weeks ago. Mum came and got me from school and told me what had happened in the car. I then had to go with mum and watch her tell my other sister, which was very traumatic too. Ever since then it has been a rollercoaster. My family and I knew Dad wasn't okay in the weeks leading up to it but we had no idea how bad things were for him. It makes me feel terrible when reading the articles on here about "signs of being suicidal" because I could now see every sign in dad when he was alive. it makes me question how on earth couldn't I have known? I've got to be an absolute idiot? But at the same time I know I can't blame myself and in no way am I suicidal in any shape of form, it's just something I will have to live with, knowing I could have done more to save my dad's life.
Dad was the best parent in the world, and thats what confuses me. Most stories on here I have read usually include that parent being hostile, abusive, etc. or at least something previously in their past which demonstrates a possible down spiral in their family or relationships. Dad was always there for me, always so loving and so damn happy; and thats what has confused me the most.
I suppose I'm posting this because I'd like to hear if anyone has been in a similar position away from my own family members.
I don't cry about it very often because I have this ability to ignore the actual truth, or still be happy and laugh as much as I can. I'm lucky enough to have amazing friends and family which unfortunately many people don't get to have during their own tough times. Most of these friends are confused to how I seem so normal, and I'm confused by it myself. I don't know if the way I'm acting is a sign that I'm blocking it out or disabling me from grieving or what? Like who loses their dad, or more like their favourite person in the world, and acts like barely anything is wrong?
I suppose I shouldn't be complaining but I've just got a lot to say. The funeral was yesterday and of course I was hysterical but I seem to be able to flick off my emotions once I step back from it.
I'd love to hear what you guys have to say too or if anyone has ever lost a parent before how they dealt with it
Re: TW: My dad died
Hi @Sunflower8 and welcome to Reach Out!
I want to start by saying I am so sorry for you loss. You have made a very strong decision by choosing to reach out and chat, and it's great to hear that you have some strong support from your family and friends during this difficult time. I hope you know that you also have a community here that is ready to support you when you need to chat.
I can't empathise with your situation, as I have never lost a parent, but I know that lots of individuals grieve in different ways, and that they each process their emotions differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel at this time. I know that my friend lost her Dad in high school, and she seemed extremely calm afterwards too. She mentioned that it was because it just felt so surreal that she didn't feel as many strong emotions about it until it had a chance to sink in.
I would also like to add that you are certainly not an idiot for not being able to pick up on the signs that your Dad was severely unwell. It can be very difficult to detect these kinds of signs sometimes.
Can I ask - are you currently seeing a counsellor or psychologist to discuss your grief?
I don't know if you have had a chance to look through our resources yet, but here's a link to an article you may find helpful about working through grief:
Please know that I am thinking of you
Re: TW: My dad died
Hey there @Sunflower8
Thank you for bravely sharing this with us I am so sorry to hear about your dad, my heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a parent to suicide is incredibly painful, and I can only imagine the confusion and pain you're experiencing.
This is still so recent, and you probably have a long journey of grief ahead. As @queenP said, seeing a counsellor or psychologist to support you through this journey is a good place to start.
I also want to echo what was said about the guilt you're feeling -noticing the signs of suicide can be impossible in some cases, and accepting that this was not your fault is an important part of the grief.
You dad sounds like an amazing person, and a fantastic father.
Something really important to remember about losing a loved one is that grief is different for every single person. However you are responding is a-okay, and does not mean anything about the love you have for your dad.
Everyone is going to grieve differently - some people cry more than others, some people stick to their normal routine - whatever you are doing is fine.
I'm so glad to hear that you have friends and family around - lean on them as much as you can and in whatever way is helpful for you.
A place to go for support is StandBy- click here to see if they have services in your area.
We're also here to listen and support you through this process.
Let us know how you are
I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Say goodbye here
Re: TW: My dad died
Yes I’m very lucky to have such great people around me as well as great support like this! I might update on here as things go, as I have no idea how I may be in the next few months, so I suppose this can be kept as a sort of journal/support site for me
Thanks for reaching out ❤️
Re: TW: My dad died
I just wanted to start by saying I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family can find some type of closure during this difficult time.
I have personally never lost a parent or sibling, and I am in no way experienced in this area.
I just thought you should know that you are so strong, and if you find it's getting hard, I would recommend a few things (other than coming to talk on ReachOut of course!)
1. ASMR is wonderful tool. If You find you get some quiet time, you should snuggle up and put on your headphones! If you have trouble sleeping, this is a way to help (be careful however, you'll get very addicted, very fast!) I recommend ASMR Darling, Olivia Kissper ASMR, ASMR Psychetruth and ASMR Glow. If you want no ads, download Tingles (free app that you can upgrade to premium where you can download videos, access playlists, support artists and more!)
2. Do some exercise and treat yourself (in whatever way that may be). If I can't get outside, I'll often run on the treadmill and watch a movie or catch up on a show. And afterwards, have some chocolate, have a spa night, or take a hot bath! Make it enjoyable!
I hope this helps in a way.
Keep laughing! I am sending prayers to you and your family tonight .
love and hugs,
Re: TW: My dad died
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I too lost my dad earlier this week so I can relate to the wide range of feelings and emotions that this loss brings. I saw how similar our usernames were and the similarities in what we've been through lately and really just wanted to offer my support.
While the way I lost my dad is different, I totally get those feelings of thinking we could've done more and that's a really tough feeling to sit with. The way we grieve, what we feel and how we approach each day is totally unique. As the others mentioned, there's no right or wrong way to grieve and it's a long journey.
In relation to acting 'normal', I've personally found that re-engaging in particular familiar surroundings can be really comforting. When so many aspects of life are all over the place, sometimes hanging out with friends and doing something that you previously enjoyed can help.
I'm pleased to hear you've seen a counsellor and you think it will be helpful. It's a really tough time, with so many ups and downs, so having somebody to support and talk through some of these feelings is really great.
Please let us know how you're getting on and take care of yourself during this time.
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