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TW: Old habits die hard.

I am sorry if this does trigger any body. But i gave in to my urges this morning. I was 8 days clean. I am back at the start of this journey. Self harm is very controlling. Maybe its me since next month will be one year since i was assaulted. I always saw myself as a strong person. But last April i learnt how cruel the human race is. And how far down rock bottom really is. 

I know I’m on the way back up but it seems to be two steps forward, one step back kind of thing. 

Maybe i just need to give myself time, and try not to count the days. But i find that i could be sitting there watching T.V and then bang those thoughts of self harm are back. Or the flash backs and nightmares are stirring up again. 

Any way thanks for reading. 

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

Hey @Eagle welcome to RO!
I'm glad you've found us and reached out!

I'm sorry to hear that you were assaulted last year Smiley Sad
Did you get help at the time?

In regards to the self-harm, it can be overwhelming - I know first hand how hard it can be. I wonder if you have any strategies to prevent yourself from harming?
For me, when those thoughts arise, I like to colour and watch a tv show to distract me, sometimes I write, or I listen to specific songs which I've chosen for the mood.


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

Hi @Bee

Yes i did get some help after it but really was not ready to face it. So i became a human shell per say. I probley started to really get help and found a psychologist and dr who understand me. And what i went though. There very good towards my slow recovery. As for strategies for me i have many in place. Rubber bands, ice in the freezer, HOT (and i mean hot) chili sauce, painting, music. But yeah some times the thoughts are overwhelming. 

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

@Eagle I'm glad to hear you got some help around it, well done!
I'm glad to hear you have a good GP and Psychologist who are supporting you through this too! That is amazing, and it's awesome you've done that Smiley Happy

That is also great that you have those strategies in place! Do you find they help you? Smiley Happy


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

@Bee.

some times. But lately not as much

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

@Eagle
Why do you think that the strategies haven't been working at much lately?


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

I’m not sure i guess I have got use to them. 

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

That can definitely happen @Eagle

 

Maybe we can add to your list to give you some other options too, what do you think about this?

 

We have lots of content on RO, so I'm going to link you to these 2 stories my green box a way to manage urges to self-harm & Self-help for self-harm, and a thread we have about self-harm distractions


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: TW: Old habits die hard.

hi @Eagle 

im sorry to hear of your experince, its really horrible. would you consider speaking to someone new and on your own terms. trying to cope wiht sh urges and flashbacks are really hard on your own. as someone who also struggles with SH, flashbacks and was SA i can understand how challanging it can be. 

the others here have offerred some good advice and links for you to take a look at. 

you say that your thoughts can be overwhelming- thats one my weak points for sh too- have you thought about journalling? pretty much jsut writing anything and everything that comes to your mind so that its out of your head. kind of like a release. sometimes you can see some alternatives to what your urges might be and some solutions to help you get there. 

8 weeks is a really good start. i agree with you in thats its really controlling. i find mine is like an addiction my body craves it and thinks its the first an foremost way to cope and the more i resisit the harder it is to keep working onother strategies- is that the same for you too? 

also when you urges come up would you be open to trying a helpline like headspace or kidshelpline?  they can help you work through the urges as well and talk it through with you. 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**