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The struggle is real

Picture this... you're 16, currently in yr 11 studying 5 subjects whilst doing a part-time traineeship with approximately 17 modules to complete, to add to this pressure you are also required to complete 30 volunteer hours by the end of the year. There's that constant reminder of having to follow in your older siblings shadow who by the way are hella successful and don't seem to crack under pressure. At this point you feel weak and unable to concentrate and when you do try to get shit done the black dog hits...

 

The black dog. What is it? In case you don't know the black dog is a metaphor used for depression and provides a good concept of how it works. It represents the way depression follows you around and constantly brings you down. In my case, I use 'the cloud' as my metaphor and that's my way of telling my close friends that either 

 

A: I need to have a D&M (deep and meaningful chat)

or

B: That you need to back the fuck up cos I have my period and I'm a literal mess and I will yell at you for no reason!!!

 

Anyway, on to what I was saying. I'm currently feeling the constant pressure of being daddy's perfect little girl when IRL I'm anything but. For many years I've been masking my struggles and telling my parents that 'everything is ok' and that 'I am on track with my studies' and 'no I don't need your heap' and 'i would love to come grocery shopping with you' when really I just wanna escape into my dreams and not worry about being this perfect 16yr old girl who has her whole life sorted.

 

Why are we constantly hassled by the school about what we want to be when we're older and when you have no idea they just chuck you into a diploma of business that costs $2000 and provides your children with no benefit like bruhhhhh... FYI doing a traineeship is more beneficial from my point of view and provides more real-life work experience... just saying.

 

Communicating my struggles with my parents allowed them to realize that I'm not all with it and I guess crying out for help was meant to improve and help everything but now I feel that guilt of putting my amazing family through all this who really don't deserve it. They say they're parents and it's their job but that doesn't help because at the end of the day I see how much this all affects them.

 

Recently I had one of my famous breakdowns and it later led to my parents sitting me down and suggesting I drop out of school if I feel it's too much for me because at the end of the day they want to put my health first. At first, I was like 'bruhhhhhhh no that's not an option for me' but now it's hit me that maybe I'm not wired for school. I saw dropping out as giving up and didn't want to be known as 'that girl that dropped out' but the reality is that school is a trigger for my depression and anxiety attacks, as it is for most high school students. I never thought I'd be considering dropping out of school but at this point in time I feel it would relieve so much pressure and it's not like I'll sit on my ass all day like I'll get myself a job until next year and then I'll start yr 11 all over again.

 

I guess what I'm wanting to get out of this is a pep talk so just give it to me straight and recommend anything or chuck us a motivational life story about how you've battled school work or depression. I live for that shit ahaha Smiley Happy Thanks

- peace out ./

 

Re: The struggle is real

Hey @fatwags
Sounds like there is a lot going on for you! Firstly I wanted to say that ultimately it is your choice and whatever you decide to do we'll support you no matter what! Smiley Happy

Years 11 & 12 are crazy stressful! I remember the stress of that very well, accompanied by my desire to be the best I could! And battling depression and anxiety on top of that makes it so complicated! I wonder if you've sought professional help for your mental health?
You mentioned that you are doing an apprenticeship alongside school - how do you find this? Do you enjoy this?

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Re: The struggle is real

Heya @fatwags

It does indeed sound like a lot is going on - I don't blame you for struggling to do it all! It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I'm wondering what generally helps you to relax a little? Heart

I can relate to a lot of what you've mentioned here. I did years 9-12 through distance education because school was a massive trigger for me, too. Whatever you decide, know that it's not the end of the world (despite what some adults will have you believe!). Would making a list of the pros/cons of each option be helpful in making a decision?

You mention that you've spoken to your parents about the possibility of dropping out... I'm wondering if you've talked to the school yet at all?

Here for you Heart
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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: The struggle is real

Thank you so much for your response Smiley Happy
i have spoken to the school about my mental health issues and they did say that health comes first and that dropping out wouldn't be the end of the world. i go to a very academic school and the pressure they put on us is unreal but luckily my school is also very supportive and helpful and they know what i am going through. Omg! a pros and cons list would actually be very helpful to help me. you are a literal legend and i appreciate you taking time out of your life to help me Smiley Happy

Re: The struggle is real

hey @Bee thank you for your reply,

i have sought professional help and have been going to appointments for around 5 months now and i am on medication atm. i really enjoy my traineeship. when i'm asked to state a goal i aim at achieving in my life it has always been to help make this world a better place and where i work allows me to inspire kids to stay out of trouble and in fact is aiming at making them realize that they matter. the kids i work with are affected by many family problems such as suicide, domestic violence and most of them are raised by their grandparents.

i have been told by my mother to look at how lucky i am compared to the kids i work with. i don't look at it that way, i see it as an opportunity to prevent these wonderful, bright children ending up on the streets and by doing that they'll realize how lucky they are. I want them to realize their worth and not compare themselves to others who are better off because in the end we are all just trying to survive and i want them to live long enough to become grandparents.

So yes i really do enjoy it Smiley Happy
Thank you

Re: The struggle is real

@fatwags I'm glad to hear you have sought help, how is that going for you? Do you get along with who you see?

Aww <3 reading about your traineeship made me smile so BIG! That is absolutely beautiful! Sounds like you have a heart full of gold <3

______________________________________________
Have your Say on our Getting Real Chats HERE!
Have you practiced self-care today?
Seen an awesome post? Nominate them for a Friday Five!