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Toxic Friendships

Heya Smiley Happy

 

So we were talking about toxic friendships over here and I thought I'd make a new thread about my situation because it's a bit hefty.

 

I've been with a group of friends since the start of year seven (so like three and a half years) and I've always been the one person who holds the group together because everyone else is generally arguing/being generally nasty to each other/not talking to each other etc (extreme example in this thread I made a while back).

 

It's gotten to the point where I don't really want to stay friends with any of these people because every time I see them they're complaining about the others, which is hard to deal with. It's really not fun, and like I'd like to stay friends but at this point I think I'm going to have to find some new friends.

 

A few of them might be switching schools anyway, so I feel like this is a good opportunity to try making some new friends (although this is a little daunting as by year ten friendship groups are pretty cemented).

 

Advice appreciated Smiley Happy

Re: Toxic Friendships

Hey @roseisnotaplantSmiley Happy

 

First off, I just wanna say massive respect for being the one holding the friendship group together! Can definitely understand something like that isn't exactly easy to do. Smiley Very Happy

 

Before I try to throw any advice at your end, it's probably better if I try to get a better understanding of the situation you're in, mainly:

- Have you tried opening up to your friendship group about how things can be better?

- If there are people who aren't open to the idea of trying to improve the group, is there anyone you still want to remain friends with?

- If you do feel like you need to abandon them altogether, what are the other students in your school like?

 

I can't say I've been in a similar situation with toxic friendships (usually awkward friendships at worst), so you might need to take my advice with a grain of salt. Other than that, I'll see what I can do to help Smiley Tongue

 

 

Re: Toxic Friendships

Hey @jono-RO!

- Have you tried opening up to your friendship group about how things can be better?
Not really - we kind of all know that it's pretty dysfunctional, but nobody's doing anything about it.
- If there are people who aren't open to the idea of trying to improve the group, is there anyone you still want to remain friends with?
Hopefully everyone, but that might not be possible. There's one person who I'm closer to than the others and I think we'd stay friends regardless.
- If you do feel like you need to abandon them altogether, what are the other students in your school like?
Mostly pretty awesome - our class is sort of split into two groups of us and then everyone else, and I feel like merging into the everyone else group wouldn't be too hard?

Re: Toxic Friendships

Good to hear there's a least one person you can stay friends with Smiley Happy losing friends is sadly an inevitable thing that happens, especially during the latter years of high school when people drop out or graduate. You'll be relieved to know that even though your friendship circle does shrink over time, it really goes to show who sticks with you in the end and those friendships are AWESOME! Smiley Very Happy

 

I'm also relieved there's a new bunch of potential friends you can make at your school! Speaking from personal experience, I was part of the 'everyone else' group and I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends myself! Even though we're all busy with full-time work/uni, we always find a way to catch up, even if plans are unavoidably delayed (sometimes over and over again). Smiley Tongue #adultlyf

Re: Toxic Friendships

Hi @roseisnotaplant,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through with your friends. I've been through a similar situation as you, and I would have to say letting go was probably one of the best decisions I've made. Letting go of toxic friends, allows for new potential to replace them. Making new friends may sound daunting, however there's so many more benefits to making new friends. 

 

I hope this helps xx

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