My mother was diagnosed and treated with schizophrenia when she was about my age now (20's) however after a year she went off her medication and my as my grandma explains went back to her old habits..
My whole life she has destructed every relatioship she has ever had and we have had to move towns and states several times. She has never worked a steady job and has always been addicted to marijuana.
It was never a very stable enviornment and she refused to believe that she has any mental illness and continues to do so.
I moved out of home pretty early and I have my life "together". However in the last 5 years we have had a very on and off relationship as she is very paranoid and accuses me of things such as taking somebody elses side in "wars" that she starts, as she would call it. Recently she started a war with my grandparents who were always there for me as a child, financially and emotionally. I have never met my farther and therefor my grandparents were a huge part of my life as a child.
My mother told me horrible things about them both, and weather true or not she adviced me to remove them from my life.
Which I said to her that I do not want to be involved in the family dispute as I don't need the stress in my life and appreciate my grandparents and would not do that to them.
She has taken this as me taking their "side" and we have not spoken since end 2015. It has really been playing on my mind lately, I feel like a horrible person as my grandma has always been there for my mum and now my mum will have noone since she has removed her from her life.
I also feel horrible because she is making my grandparents lives very difficuilt, to the point that they had to take an AVO against her.
I understand that my mother is ill and everything that she is doing is because of this, but its very hard not to get upset about it all.
I have no idea what to do.. Continue not speaking with her? Write her a letter telling her how I feel? We have tried mental health services to hopefully get her the help she needs but apparently their hand are tied.
I'm glad you've found us here on ReachOut. The thing that struck me the most from your post is your genuine care and empathy for others. It's also clear that you commonly think of the happiness of others and how you can best support them. Your family is very fortunate to have such a caring person as yourself looking out for them.
This care, as I mentioned, is truly admirable but I would also encourage you to continue looking after yourself in this time. Sometimes taking the time to take care of ourselves is the best way that we can help others. RO has a factsheet on ways to relax that you might find helpful to take some time out for yourself: http://au.reachout.com/ways-to-relax
Writing a letter to express your feelings is a really great idea but only you know your mother, your relationship, and what kind of effect this may have. Would you consider asking your grandparents for their advice on the situation? In complicated personal situations, and especially when the situation makes us feel anxious or frustrated, one technique to cope can be to write all your thoughts and feelings in a letter but then pause before giving it to the intended recipient, and sometimes not sending it at all. Do you think writing all your feelings out could be a good beginning to clarify your thinking?