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What can i say?

hi guys, lurker turned poster here. (so if i'm not in the right thread feel free to move my thread)

i'm currently getting help for myself however what i need help with is this.

 

i'm curently in a polyamorus relationship (not the issue getting to it), and when ever i come home from a day out /work or i just want to talk too either one or my other partner.  I get told the following

"whine, whine whine...."

"your not making any sense"

"hmm"

"....."

or i get snippy responses

one of my partners just sits in front of his computer and blocks me out by talking to his mates over skype.

either way i've tryed to ignore it and i shut up like a clam and i've been doing it for some time but my inner voice is telling me there pushing me to see someone so they can find a reason to just leave me. or that there is not point to a realtionship like this one.  any help on how to deal with this one guys?

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Re: What can i say?

Hey Outline 

 

Welcome glad you have finally posted, that is a brave step you have taken. 

 

Relationships are hard but one thing I have learnt is relationships take work - you need respect, honesty and openness and being told that is really disrespectful especially after a long day you just need to vent and unwind. I think a good relationship is about listening and not blocking anyone out because it causes a lot of conflict, have a read of this factsheet that might help you on how to deal with that http://au.reachout.com/Conflict-in-relationships

 

Shutting up, ignoring it might help temporarily but you want something permanent, have you talked to them about how you feel? maybe writing a letter would get what you want across? There is a factsheet about the considerations when dating more than one person so have a read of it and see if it helps http://au.reachout.com/Dating-more-than-one-person-at-a-time 

 

In my opinion, you are important and you need to consider your feelings and your well being and if you are not happy then you need to decide what the best decision is for you. Do something that makes you happy because self care is important join in the discussions here that will help you stay positive http://forums.au.reachout.com/t5/Everyday-life-stuff/bd-p/Everyday_life_stuff

 

I hope that helps and I hope things work out for you 

 

Take care 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: What can i say?

Hey Outline - love it when a lurker turns poster! Woot!

 

Thanks for taking the effort to post - all posts help other lurkers too, so it's really helpful Smiley Very Happy

 

Relationships can be hard work, so a poly relationship can add another layer of complexity (at times anyway) which is why an open line of communication between everyone is really vital. It doesn't sound very nice that anyone would say "whine whine whine" to you, and it doesn't sound very supportive or constructive.

 

It might be time to reevaluate if the relationship is giving you what you need. If you do want to talk to someone who can give you more specific advice we encourage you to call KidsHelpLine (for 5-25 year olds) on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

 

I really like the article Rue posted on Conflict - it helps you work out your value and what are your "deal breakers"

 

You might also find this one on communicating helpful: http://au.reachout.com/Factsheets/T/Tips-for-communicating

 

Be sure to come back and keep on posting!

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Re: What can i say?

i just thought i'd post a resoultion to this,  so we all sat down today and had a chat and a bit of a cry, it was resolved. it didnt help one of my partners was going trough a stressful time at work and today she quit. which makes it more stressful to help me in the long run but we have ideas to manage the snippyness and feeling locked out.

 

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Re: What can i say?

That is great Outline, glad you all sat down and talked, that's the most important you can do in a relationship. Im happy for you, hope to see you around in the forums sometime Smiley Very Happy
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: What can i say?

Great to hear! Thanks for coming back and letting us know what worked for you Smiley Happy

Hope to see you around too!

Re: What can i say?

This is great to hear. Smiley Happy Glad everything is looking a brighter for you! Smiley Happy