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Re: What happens when...?

Hi NigioC!

While everyone one else has simply ignored me or actually said "get over it" another girl just said that she doesn't know how to help me (I've told her I just need someone to talk to, but oh well) and so she said I can still talk to her, just not about my feelings. Ive chosen to simply not talk to her at all because at the moment I am only feelings, I'm not really anything else.

KHL still hasn't responded for about a week and a half, but I know they're busy so I'm giving them two weeks. I don't like talking to my school counsellor, I've only done it once, because I can't talk about 'deep' stuff otherwise I'll cry and I've already been caught by my peers twice crying at school and so I'm not comfortable to continue. I can't go to an out of school one because my GP won't recommend someone unless this continues for 6 weeks? I'm not sure what to do because I feel very alone and I don't really have anyone to talk to?

Re: What happens when...?

Hey @Madame 

 

It is really difficult relying on friends when we're in crisis. It's often just more than they can cope with. That's why, here at Reach Out, we highly reccommend accessing some kind of professional support. They may not know us the way our friends do but they can be relied upon to cope with what we tell them.

 

If you are experiencing difficulties getting a referral to services from your GP you can go straight to a Headspace. They can organise your mental health care plan there. And it's great that you're prepared to wait for KHL, using a service like theirs means you can make contact out of hours, if you need it. Which can make a huge difference if you're really struggling.

 

Another thing that can be helpful is to go back through your replies here, and have another read through the suggestions and links. Try to remain as open minded as possible and see if there's something there that you could try or try again. Getting through tough times sometimes takes some energy and willingness to give things a go.

 

Don't forget to check out the personal stories in the different categories at the top of the page. There's awesome stuff there too. Smiley Happy

Re: What happens when...?

Hey @Madame ,

 

When I was reading your post just now it felt like part of it was what happened to me. Obviously everyone's life is different, but I can definitely relate. I had been self harming and somehow I told my best friend/she found out that I was. I begged her not to tell anyone. A few days later her mum told my mum. From there I was made to see a counsellor. It was exactly the opposite to what I wanted to do and I was angry and freaking out. But my mum physically took me there and made me go. Now, a few years later I am so, so grateful. It was definitely the hardest thing I've done and it took a lot of work over a long time but I feel so much better now. 

 

It is so important that you find someone you feel comfortable talking to. Speaking to your teacher was a huge start, well done Smiley Happy I agree with your teacher about talking to a counsellor because they are trained to help you. You can definitely take things slow and choose how much to tell them straight away while you aren't yet completely comfortable. Like I said, talking about this stuff is really, really hard. But in the long term it made things so much better for me. 

 

Let us know how it all goes. 

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Re: What happens when...?

Hey @rt262 and @NigioC

 

Thank you all for your help. I'm sorry that i haven't replied in a while, since my ex-friends mum warned my mum I might be self-harming, she's always been around me and I didn't want to write this in front her her, or at school.

 

Lately I've basically had good and bad days, and to each good day I still have good and bad experiences within them. It's very hard not to feel worthless most of the time. I only have good days because I try to make my emotions 'numb' and try not to feel them, thereby not feeling worthless and all those other horrible feelings. 

 

I've kind of dwindled myself away from my teacher, partly because I was annoyed at myself how much I had talked to her during her free lunch hours and I think thats unfair for her, and partly because over the holidays from now I have to get used to not being able to talk to anyone. All, absolutely all of my previous friends have told me they no longer ever want to be around me or talk to me again. OK cool... And from experiences from them, and sharing my emotions with them, I feel that I can't trust anyone, let alone my new 'friends' (using that term lightly). It's kind of funny, with my old friends, we were all very open about our private stuff, anything, even (or maybe especially is the right word) lady stuff, but I wouldn't trust anyone with anything anymore. Makes me feel very alone.

 

Not quite sure how not to feel alone during the holidays with no friends to talk to/hang out with?

Re: What happens when...?

Hey @Madame - I'm glad you came back to keep us updated. How has it been having your family around all the time?

 

It takes time to feel comfortable opening up around new friends, especially if you've had problems with friends in the past. Maybe you could arrange to go see a movie with your new friends/acquaintances over the holidays. It takes a bit of the pressure off conversation at least! If you're looking for ways to meet new people over the holidays you could look into volunteering, or see what programs your local library or community centre is running.

 

Have you given any more thought to seeing a Headspace counsellor, like NigioC suggested? You don't need a GP referral, you can just pop into your nearest centre to make an appointment. It sounds like you could really use some extra help dealing with these emotions so you don't always have to switch off and feel numb to get through the day.

Re: What happens when...?

Hi ElleBelle, thanks for the reply.

Family around all the time is annoying, haha. Mostly because my dad hasn't worked in 12 months due to chemo treatments, but he goes back next week so I can breathe a little. But partly because I feel like I'm lying to myself and everyone by faking happiness, or part happiness?

The problem is that my new friends and I have almost completely different personalities. They often engage in parties and illegal activities and are not exactly the type of people to go have a girls day out shopping or seeing a movie. So it's difficult. And I suppose I'm really stubborn in the fact that I don't really want to go out and meet new people, I've never been good at that, having pretty low self esteem I guess.

I thought about going to headspace and I wanted to, but the nearest one is 40minutes away, and I think now, my mum and dad kind of think I'm getting better and I don't want to worry them.

Re: What happens when...?

I can't help but feel very alone at the moment? I've tried contacting an old trustworthy friend in another state, but she's often too busy to reply and so it takes days. 

 

I don't want to 'fall' again.

Re: What happens when...?

Hey @Madame 

 

I have been following your posts and I can tell you are a strong, brave, amazing person with so much determination and strength, it's really inspiring to see how you've pushed through. Especially since you have constantly returned to inform us of your progress and ask for more tips and advice, which is something few people do. It is a wonderful thing and makes me smile. Robot Happy

 

I have a friend too, in another place, who is very busy. But it is a beautiful feeling when she replies. It'll be worth the wait. 

 

You won't 'fall' again. Because you are not alone. We are here, your friends are here. Not right there with you in person at this very moment but we are still with you. Because we are all here to help you and support you so even if you can't see us or hear us. Know that we are all there.

 

Good luck and you'll be okay Smiley Happy

N1ghtW1ng

Re: What happens when...?

Hey @Madame - I don't think life is about being happy 100% of the time but I do think you have to be genuine with your emotions and not hold back or fake it because you don't want to worry your family. It sounds like there is a lot of love in your family but it's hard to maintain a brave face 24 hours a day. That's a lot of unneccessary pressure!

 

It does sound like the nearest Headspace might be a bit of a trek. BeyondBlue have this handy tool for finding a professional in your area that you might want to check out. And of course, calling Kids Helpline is always an option!

 

Also, I'm not sure if you were around last Thursday but we had a really interesting Infobus session on self harm and managing emotions in healthy ways. You might want to have a read through and see if anything strikes you as something you'd like to try!

Re: What happens when...?

Hey @Madame ,

 

It's hard when you and your friends seem to be quite different, especially when they are doing things that you don't want to (or feel comfortable) doing. It can be really hard to say no because it does seperate you from them. It can be really hard to meet new people, I still often feel that awful feeling in my tummy thinking about it too. This is a really a cute video from ReachOut about when it used to be so easy to make friends, at the least I hope it makes you smile Smiley Happy And a few tips on this one too.

 

Hmmm forty minutes away for a headspace is a bit difficult. They do have an online service too, it's called eheadspace. And like @N1ghtW1ng said, we're all here for you Smiley Happy Keep your head up.