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What now?

It’s been almost 2 months since my dad has died. The last post I made on here was talking about the shock of it all. Weirdly enough, I feel like I am mentally further gone now than I was when I wrote that first post. 

I think the numbness of dads suicide is starting to finally wear and it is showing itself. 

I’m still in school as I’ve mentioned, 2 weeks from 18 years old. I feel like all my old priorities have fallen out the window and I don’t know what I am doing with my life, I feel like I’m going insane? 

I have 2 counsellors, one provided by the school and one outside of school... I have heaps of support. 

I’m just starting to have a lot of bad days. I went on a date from this guy I met at a music festival and it didn’t work out how we both wanted it to I suppose and so we thought we would go our separate ways, and for some reason it’s taken such a toll on me... I feel like anything I do in my life is emotionally exaggerated these days, and detaching myself from people is so much harder no matter how insignificant they might be. It’s like I’m overthinking everything but I can’t stop.

 

I struggle to focus on school now, and it’s showing too. Once I turn 18 I’m going to have even more independence to do whatever I want, and that kind of worries me.

 

So I suppose at this point I’m just confused to what’s next? There’s still so many ‘firsts’ for me to experience and that really overwhelms me, especially now that Dad won’t be here to help guide me through them.

 

thanks for reading ♥️

Re: What now?

Hi @Sunflower8
Thank you for being brave and sharing, when I was reading your post I could see how real and raw everything is for you at the moment.
I'm really glad to hear that you have a good support system, but I can also understand on the other hand that things are still quite challenging.
Grief is definitely not an easy thing and we all have different experiences with it.
May I ask if you've spoken to your professional supports about how you feel like everything is emotionally exaggerated these days and if they've suggested anything to help you cope?
When we think ahead it can definitely be overwhelming, is there anything that you can think of looking forward to without that overwhelming feeling?
Here for you Heart

Re: What now?

Hey @Sunflower8,

 

I'm really sorry to hear that things are feeling pretty tough right now. It's such a challenging thing that you're dealing with and you're right, after some of that numbness and shock wears off things can start feeling pretty overwhelming. It's awesome to hear that you've got support around you though, have you mentioned to them some of the things you've brought up in this post?

 

Turning 18 is a big thing for anybody, not to mention the added layer of losing your dad and negotiating adulthood without somebody who seems like an amazing influence in your life. As I mentioned in a previous post, I lost my dad a couple of weeks after you did and while I'm a little bit older than you, it's really scary looking into the future and wondering what that's going to look like. While there is nobody the same as your dad, is there another adult figure in your life that you may be able to seek guidance from? This is a question I've given thought to myself, so I looked at people my dad was close to like his best friend or favourite brother, people that I know my dad really valued. 

 

Thinking of you, @Sunflower8. What you're dealing with right now is so tough, but it's amazing the you're reaching out 

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Re: What now?

Hi @Sunflower8,

 

I just wanted to check in and let you know we are thinking of you Heart

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Re: What now?

Hey @Sunflower8,

 

I also wanted to check in and see how you're going?

 

Here for you.