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What's wrong with me?

Hi, I'm only new to this site and I am in desperate need of help. Im 18 years old and I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from some kind of mental illness but I don't know what to do. 

 

I've researched the common mental health issues for people my age but it hasn't helped much. Im too scared to talk to my family and friends about because I'm worried that they are just going to brush it off as a 'phase' or simply an attention seeking attempt, which it isn't, I really need help. I want help. Im not sure what my GP can do either because I don't know what to tell him, I'm hoping someone somewhere understands what's happening and is able to help.

 

I haven't always had these feelings but recently I've been very anxious all the time have this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something bad is always going to happen or like I've forgotten to do something important or done something bad (if that makes sense?) even though the feeling is completely uncalled for. I've been getting very emotional lately over petty things. I have the constant need to cry and always feel as though I'm not good enough and I don't understand why. Its a terrible feeling and I desperately want it to go away. I panic a lot, and stress over little things that most people don't even notice. Im not OCD or anything but I worry about pointless things, for example if I'm shopping and see something I want/need I feel like I need to get it that moment or it wont be there later, like if its clothing for example and I see something in my size I feel as though I need to pick it up then and there otherwise it might be gone later even if there is plenty there (sorry that doesn't really make sense, but hopefully you get the point?)

 

My moods are all over the place, I used to put it down to PMS but is become more extreme. When I'm sad, I'm extremely sad, I feel as though the world is literally going to end, but when I'm happy I just become overwhelmed and feel like everyone else should be happy with me. My moods are just extreme and heightened all the time, and they tend to linger also. For example if something makes my upset in the morning ill be sad the whole day. 

I also have this compulsive desire to have everyone like me, and if they don't it really effects me. Im not sure if this is just a personality thing or if its something more, but it really effects me. I don't need for everyone to be my best friend or anything but I feel like I have to make everyone like me as a person, and if someone doesn't it really upsets me and I will continue to go out of my way to make they like me. Similarly I tend to crave certain peoples attention, not really their attention but I feel as though they have to like me and befriend me. This started in primary school, I was 10 at the time and I distinctly remember my teacher picking a select few of her favourite students to do some dance project thing. I remember bringing her flowers and constantly trying to impress her to get her to like me. I don't have this need with everyone but just several people in my life, and often they tend to be older or more intelligent than myself. Its a weird thing but its something I need to deal with because as a result of my moods if they don't like me I tend to become extremely upset and so on.

Another major thing is that I have this constant feeling of wishing to hurt myself. I don't think I would ever actually hurt myself but I always think about it, however I have a major fear of dying itself. I literally stay awake some nights dreading growing old and dying, but at the same time I think about hurting myself.

 

What is wrong with me? I need help! I know this doesn't sound like much and it probably doesn't make sense but I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Who sure I turn to for help? What do I do if something is wrong with me? Help!!

Re: What's wrong with me?

Hey Charah,

Welcome to RO!

I'm so glad you posted this! I know how hard it can be sometimes! But congrats on posting it!

It's deffinately not attention seeking.

 

Reading it I found myself in a fair bit of what you've written, which is crazy insane!

I totally understand hte whole clothing thing, grabbing it while it's there. 

Your description about when you were 10 and the dance project your teacher chose sudents for, really touched me. I have felt similar, and infact I'm sure I do still have that tendancy to seek approval from an older more mature person... I've never tried to understand that myself, I always thought it was just a random quirk of mine...

 

I'm really not sure how to respond to this...

One thing I am sure of though is that calling or getting in touch with Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) might be worthwhile. I've found them to be really good and helpful Smiley Happy

 

I'm sure other members will have their say with some more useful advice. Sorry I couldn't give you much advice, it all kinda slipped away when I tried to compose this.. 


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: What's wrong with me?

Hey @Charah 

 

It seems like you are dealing with so much at the moment so I really feel for you! 

 

I think the advice Bee gave you is really great! And hopefully others who have been through similar experiences will find this post and offer you some advice. But in the mean time, there are a few factsheets you might like to take a look at that may give some info about what you are experiencing and what may be the cause behind it. 

https://au.reachout.com/All-about-feeling-anxious

https://au.reachout.com/Im-always-stressed

https://au.reachout.com/All-about-feeling-crap

 

As for some physical steps you can take to help you through what you are going through, I really encourage you to reconsider speaking to a GP about your situation, because they definitely should be able to help. And be reassured that is it very very unlikely that you will be the first person the GP has seen experiencing these issues. 

 

If you don't feel as though you are ready to take that step, I think you might find eHeadspace https://www.eheadspace.org.au useful, because they offer an onlince counselling service. This means you can talk directly to one of their counsellors about what you are going through, and they can give you some specific advice about what steps to take next.

 

It is so unfair that you have to worry about being taken seriously if you tell someone about your situation, because you fear that they will think you are attention-seeking. You shouldn't have to worry about that on top of what you are already going through! With this is mind, I really hope you start to let some people know what you are experiencing, and know that you may have to tell more than one person until you find that one person, either a friend or a professional, that will really listen to you and help you through it. But people like this are definitely out there, so please keep trying to get the support off others that you truly deserve! 

 

Hope this helps!

 

Gabi 

 

Re: What's wrong with me?

Hey Charah - Bee & Gabi have given you some really good ideas about what you described. I just wanted to jump in and let you know that it's really awesome you were brave enough to post here about what you've been feeling. I think a few of the people here can relate - like Bee said.

You asked who should you turn to for help? Well, we definitely want you to stick around here - but it also might a good idea to give eHeadspace a go, like Gabi said. You can webchat with them - which lots of people find an easier first step to take.

It's really common to worry that when you talk to a doctor or a counsellor they are going to 'brush it off as a phase' - but in most cases people are more supportive and understanding than you expect.

good luck - and let us know how it goes when you contact eHeadspace?

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: What's wrong with me?

Thanks to everyone that replied!! I do feel a lot better knowing that people actually understand what I'm going though. I have spoken to a friend about it briefly and she has encouraged me to seek professional help, which is what I want to try and do.

 

I defiantly want to try headspace and plan on looking into it straight after I post this, however I'm still unsure about my GP. I have known my GP all my life and feel uncomfortable taking to them about what I think might be wrong. Would you recommend seeking advice from a psychologist or something or do I need to see my GP first? 

Thanks so much for the advice!! Im glad I finally was able to post on here. 

Re: What's wrong with me?

Hi  @Charah!

The main thing is that you feel comfortable with how *you* decide to proceed.

I would say, it is worth talking to your GP about what's going on with you, *because* they've known you a long time. They will have a list of specialists (like Psychologists) that they can refer you to, and also they can write you a referral, which will be helpful to the specialist you end up seeing, because your GP has known you a long time and can fill them in. Also, if meds happen to become part of your treatment, it's likely that your GP will be the one who manages that.

This is something you could chat to the headspace counsellor about - they should be able to talk it through with you so you can make a decision about what your next steps should be, whether it's talking to your GP or something else.

Do you know when you're talking to Headspace yet? Let us know how you get on? Good luck!

 

blithe