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Working out how to work with Anger

This is a thread for @J95. It kind of connects to managing anger in a healthy way, although i think it's its own topic because we're going to get all the things we've learned about anger together and turn it into a plan. 

 

 

Here's what we know so far. 

The hand model of the brain helps explain what's happening when anger-especially the overwhelming- can't-think-straight "hulk mode" anger strikes.  That's when our lids are flipped and the wise, reasoning part of our brain shuts down. 

 

We need to have a plan for each of these stages: 

 

1. When our lid is down and it's not in danger of being flipped and normal life stuff is happening 

2. When our lid is down but it's in danger of being flipped

3. When the lid flips and things are feeling pretty Hulky. 

4. After the lid goes back down to help it stay that way. 

 

I am wondering how to tackle this. J95 if you wanted to you could even draw a hand for each stage and we could write down 

1. What each stage looks like

2. What keeps you in that stage

3. What gets you out of that stage

 

Or we could do it another way too, that's just an idea Smiley Happy 

 

 

 

 

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

@j95 oops the tag didn't work. Here's a thread. 

 

If you want to try the hand model thingy that i just made up (i understand if it doesn't make sense cause i did just make it up) then i reckon we should start with what happens when the lid is flipped. 

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

Ok @Ben-RO can I start now
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

Wait @Ben-RO I don't understand
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

okay fair enough. I made a word salad Smiley Tongue 

 

When your lid is flipped.

What is it like?

Here's some things you could write out: 

How do you feel, what do you say, how do you act, what do you do, and what are the consequences of that, who gets hurt, does it fix anything? 

 

What keeps your lid flipped

For example feeling controlled, not being listened to, having posts edited, focusing on the problem, continuing to engage in conversations when it's hard to think because the thinking part of the brain has shut down. 

 

What gets you out of that stage

What should people say that helps, how do you keep yourself safe, how do you get your lid back down?  For example, take a 2 hour break from all the things, call a helpline (one that helps), go for a walk, have a glass of water, name the fact that you are experiencing hulk mode. 

 

And what do we do to help?

Should we remind you about the plan?

Should we do listening stuff what kind of listening stuff?

Also if that's not working we need to think about how to handle that in a way that's safe for members. So if it's not working, how should we handle that? 

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

PS are you still sending me an email?

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

Nah, but i can if you want to talk about this in email? 

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

Ok that is a lot to think about @Ben-RO like a lot
hmm I don't mind either way just wasn't sure if you were still sending one.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

Yep it definitely is, but if we get through this one, the rest will be easy. Also this is what we need to help manage this anger in a way that feels better. So yeah, that aint easy, but it's worth it. If you want I can suggest some stuff just to get us through until you have more time to think about it and share your thoughts? 

Re: Working out how to work with Anger

Yeah that's a good idea @Ben-RO
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//