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best friend problems :/

hey everybody. i hope you are well. 

I have been in an interview with my new school and I have been offered a position of which I have accepted. 

I am so excited to go to my new school and I feel so blessed my parents want me to benefit from my education and go to university Smiley Happy

however, there is a problem. my best friend is not going to take it lightly. 

today, due to the anonymous system we run here, we are going to call him Jim. 

 

Jim and I have been best friends for nearly 5 years, and we did date at one point for about 2 years with a break in between (however we were twelve until Jim turned 14). We never lost our friendship, and we are a good team. However, when our other best friend (we will call her Karen) left last year to move to her new school, Jim was not happy. He said to me "If you leave, I'm going to destroy you" (jokingly of course). And now, I have accepted a position at my new school. I am worried.

 

As of now, I am his closest friend, even though he has a girlfriend in the picture. We are going to call her Caroline. Caroline has now been going out with Jim for a year. A lot of his affection for her (making sure that she knows that he loves her, reminding him of the little things, telling her how to hold her, kiss her etc.) has come from me. And Caroline is going to be really ticked off when Jim doesn't act the same way that he does when I'm around. I have been Jim's only influence over the last term, because Caroline has been struck down with glandular fever and the flu. Normally she is a lovely person, who is a bit of handful sometimes, as 14 year olds are, but Caroline at this point in time, is making fun of and degrading my friends, being rude to me and ignoring me. 

 

I think Caroline's reaction will be interesting. She will be disappointed that I am leaving, but once I'm gone, she will have her boyfriend to herself. Everyone is saying how different Jim is with Caroline when I'm away on holidays, excursions, etc. even forgetting to say goodbye to her and running off towards his next class. She's going to not want to put up with him ignoring her anymore, break up with him, and Jim will do something stupid. 

 

Many people, including my own family have been saying that Jim likes me, even though we haven't been together since we were 14. But he's showing signs of interest, hugging me without reason, touching me (not innappropriately) without reason, ignoring Caroline and talking to me and sitting next to me instead. At parties where Caroline is not there, he acts like I'm his girl for the night!

 

I have struggled with my feelings for him since we broke up, and that was 2 years ago. I stopped liking him a year ago, and I'm scared that when I tell him about my new school that he will act out and all these feelings will come bubbling out. 

 

I'm really stuck on what to do and how to tell him that I'm moving. Has anybody got any advice on what to do with Caroline, how to tell Jim, and how to do it without breaking his heart?

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Re: best friend problems :/

Hi @blobby,

 

Firstly, congratulations on getting into a new school- it sounds like this news was really exciting for you! We would love to hear how you go with the new school Heart

 

Reading through your post, I can really see the value you place on your friendships, and I can hear that you are incredibly thoughtful towards the people that matter in your life. It is very endearing that even when something amazing is happening for you, you are thinking about how you can make sure everyone around you is also supported during this change.

 

It sounds like Jim is an important friend for you, and that he will miss you moving schools, do you think that even after you move schools that you will both work towards maintaining the friendship?

 

My thoughts would be to be as honest with him as possible and explain why this is an important step for you in your education. Have you thought about how you would have this discussion with him and where? Would you have Caroline there during the chat or speak to her separately? I'd love to hear your thoughts Smiley Happy

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Re: best friend problems :/

hi @Jess1-RO 

thank you for taking the time to reply!

I am SO excited about my new school! I've done my reading and will definitely keep you posted on how it goes!

 

I am planning on telling Caroline and Jim separately. I think it would be better if it was done that way. Jim will have things to say that he won't want Caroline to hear. 

 

As you mentioned, I am going to explain that it is best for my education. I don't know where or when I'm going to tell him, but I'm going to keep a lid on it until after exams this term. I don't need that interrupting my train of thought whilst studying. It may be my last term, but I'm still going to go out with a bang with some good marks and being the best Rizzo I can in Grease!

 

Me and my mum have been talking about it. It has made me a bit emotional over the last couple of weeks, the thought of saying goodbye to my closest friends, including Jim, has been a hard thing to think about. 

 

I may be leaving but I also want to make an effort to maintain a friendship with him and my other best friend (we'll call him Josh). I know that Josh will be upset but really happy for me and supportive of my education and always has been. Jim will remain a mystery. He could take it really well and be very supportive like a best friend normally is, or he could make my life a living hell for the remaining weeks of the term after I tell him. 

 

I think I will ask my mum to ask Jim's mum for some advice. The only hesitation I am having at the moment is his reaction. He didn't take it well when Karen left, so with me, I feel its going to be worse. 

 

Sorry these posts are so long - there's a lot to get out when it comes to this situation :/

love and hugs, 

blobby 

 

 

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Re: best friend problems :/

Hey there @blobby,

It's great that you have a plan on how you're going to tell your friends! Smiley Happy Telling them separately sounds like a good plan, including what you've decided you'll tell them when you let them know.

Moving away from close friends is definitely hard, but it's not impossible to keep up those friendships afterwards. Hopefully all goes well when you share the news.

Best of luck! Smiley Happy

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I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!