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blaming yourself

Hi am18, when I was 16 my mum died suddenly none new it was going to happen after 2 years am still blaming myself, wanting to kill myself everyday when I see a tree all I think is I could just drive of the road and hit it none else would get hurt then I think what happens if I don't die then what would I say to everyone,Reyes speaking to to other people but she was the only one who understood meand I dont know what to do anymore

Re: blaming yourself

Hi NotKnowing,

I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and I send you the warmest of sympathy through this tough time.

While it must be a very hard thing for you to go through, I don't think you should be blaming yourself. Everything happens for a reason. I often have thoughts of suicide, so it's hard for me to get is myself, but the way I see it, we are all angels placed on this earth for a reason. Sometimes, the most important people of all are the ones god misses most and he calls them home to rest with him forever.

You might not see it this way, but that's the way I see it.

Pillow

Re: blaming yourself

Also I might quickly add that you should seek help from a counsellor whether that be online or over the phone or face to face it all helps.

So maybe try kids helpline, headspace, beyond blue, suicide call back service or a local psychologist.
Pillow

Re: blaming yourself

Hey @Not knowing 

 

Welcome to Reach Out.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about you losing your Mum. It must be devastating to lose your Mum without warning. And it sounds like you two were really close so I can't even begin to imagine the hole that's left in your heart.

Grief is such a full on thing. Especially when it's someone as important to you as your mum. I can completely understand that your grief would be so intense that ending it would feel like the only solution sometimes. Grief is so overwhelming. Sometimes it can feel like it's going to drown you. And it seems so natural to me that you would still be in a huge amount of pain even two years after she died. You clearly loved her a huge amount.

I'm a mum and when I read your post I tried to imagine what I would hope for my kids to do if I died suddenly. I know I would absolutely want them to keep living their lives, to find fulfillment and happiness. I would want them to remember me with love and to keep me alive in their hearts and minds by thinking of me and remembering me.

 

This is so much for you to have to go through alone, have you been able to share any of these feelings with anyone?

Re: blaming yourself

No I haven't, I just find it to hard and none understands

Re: blaming yourself

Hi Not knowing, 

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. 

Pillow has suggested some excellent services such as Headspace, Beyondblue, KHL (1800 55 1800) and the Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467). They are a great start in terms of finding help and support. Alternatively, you can visit your local GP and see a counsellor or psychologist. It can be difficult when there is only one person that understands you as well as having to open up to new people. Establishing rapport with anyone - a friend, a stranger, another family member or a psychologist - does play a crucial role in how they can help you through this. There are some people out there that you just can't connect with or you doubt that they can 'get' your situation. Don't feel like you should quickly open up to someone because they're willing to listen. If they're willing to listen, they won't mind. Being comfortable with the person that you're sharing with and knowing that you can trust them is very important, regardless of who they are. 

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Stay excellent