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confused about contact with dad

Does anyone feel like they are missing someone so much but they have done so much to you, you just dont know how to feel? I feel like i miss my dad so much that i cant describe the way i feel. Even tho his done so many bad things to me and my mum i still miss him like crazy. Its really hard to communicate with him because he has a new family and you just feel like he doesnt care for you anymore, everytime i want to text him but I always feel like you are bothering him and feel like your disturbing him.Does anyone feel hurt when they dont talk to someone they love? Does anyone feel like they disturbing someone's life? Do you ever get that feeling when you are not good enough for someone? I do, a lot. Everyone needs a father in their life and I need a father in mine. Its hard. Everytime I text him his wife deletes the messages, I know this because when he was single he would always respond to every message and now he doesnt always. Has anyone dealt with something like this? What have you done to solve it?

Re: confused about contact with dad

Hi @TiuteJacinta, sorry to hear about your situation Smiley Sad while I've never been in your exact position, I definitely know what it's like to have someone not reciprocate the feelings you have for them, especially when they don't respond to your messages and you feel guilty for bothering them. Smiley Indifferent


Last time I experienced something similar to this, I was fortunate enough for the person to eventually want to have a lengthy chat in person somewhere quiet about our expectations and see whether we could work out something mutual. Smiley Happy


Just so I have a better understanding of your situation, I just wanna know:
- What your relationship with your dad was like when you were still in contact with him?
- If there are other avenues of contact you can try to contact your dad with (e.g., Facebook, email,etc.)?

- What do you expect from your dad once you get in contact with him again?


If there's anyone else that has been or knows anyone else in a similar situation, it'd be great to hear from you!


I really do hope everything works out for you though. Smiley Happy

Re: confused about contact with dad

Hey @TiuteJacinta while I can't say I've been in this situation with either of my parents, I can relate to feeling as though you're not good enough for someone. It sounds like this situation with your dad is really tough.

I see that @j_ has asked you a few questions and I hope they might help you think through this a bit. I look forward to hearing from you again! Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: confused about contact with dad

Hi there @TiuteJacinta!


First off, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, and I actually have a bit of experience in this sort of situation--and at the time, I can tell you I felt like I was splitting in two from how much I missed by dad. I remember feeling very confused about how I could love someone so much that had hurt my mother and my family, and had very mixed feelings when I remembered all the happy times we had together while I was growing up. So what you're feeling is actually really normal, and unfortunately just so painful.


Like your dad, mine seemed really wrapped up in his new wife especially towards the beginning, and I felt really neglected and put to the side. Probably the best thing I did was sit him down in person (which would work better for you seeing as your dad is not getting your messages) and told him how I felt. In person, he could really see how affected I was by his actions, and he later admitted to my mother he felt mortified about how he had treated me and my brother. Your dad may just be unaware of how you feel, and needs a talk to make him understand.


Re: confused about contact with dad

Hey @TiuteJacinta, just checking in on whether anything has changed regarding your situation?


Just letting you know we're here for you. Smiley Happy

Re: confused about contact with dad

My relationship with my dad is that me and him weren't as close when i was little like he was never there for me when i needed him even up to now.. My dad never cared about me the way i look at him.. I do have contact him but sometimes i feel like its not him talking to me. I feel like its his Wife that's talking to me. But when I do get a chance to talk to him i always ask him if he has gotten my texts and he would say no. That's why i feel like his not the one that's texting me. What i expect from my dad for when he calls is that, he will ask about me and how i am.. Basically check up on me. 

Re: confused about contact with dad

This appears to be a tough situation @TiuteJacinta. Does the phone contact that you are able to have help at all? Personally, I don't think those expectations are unreasonable, and I'm sorry that they are not being fulfilled. We're here to listen, please keep us updated Heart

Re: confused about contact with dad

@TiuteJacinta It doesn't sound like you have the relationship with your dad that you would like. It definitely sounds like a difficult situation
Have you tried to talk to your dad about how you feel?

I agree completely with @mrmusic, it is not an unreasonable expectation to have of your dad - for him to ask about you and check up on you, to be there.

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart