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dealing with feelings and myself

im 17 years old, live with my mum and dad and brother, i used to live in another country but moved to the other side of the world 5 years ago,


recently, the family will not stop fighting, mum always fights with dad and insinuating that he is cheating on her again, she is always fighting with my brother because all he does is sit in a room all day, all night and does nothing else he is 18 and goes uni 2 days a week, and she fights with me because i havent done the chors when she told me to, i feel as though we are not a family anymore, and that maybe we dont love each other and that we are all just strangers in a home,  mine and my mothers relationship is gone, the other day after getting in a huge fight again with my brother, she turned around to me and said im not your mother any more, i feel as though she is only happy if the house is clean and that peoples exspectations of her are good and when she gets her own way, but i dont understand what i have done and this is where i need some other peoples help to help me understand her, i want to know why she fights with me, i do the chors she asks, they always end up getting done, i dont swear at her like my brother, i dont shout at her like my brother and dad, i also dont understand why she cant give me space to grow and i feel that i hate her for it, she wont let me go to partys, she wont give me the independence that i want/need.

i also miss my grandma so much, she is my rock, she understands me more than anymone, i would always see her when i used to live in england, every week, and she has only visited 2 times since ive been out here, she is the one person on this earth that i can tell my true feelings too, or any feelings, i physically and physcologicaly can not tell people how i feel, as it makes me uncomfortable and feel stupid

i have always been fat, huge, i was always taller, and bigger than most of the kid, i never felt pretty, skinny, or truely happy, last year i made a new years resolutution to loose 25kg, at first i tried doing it the healthy normal way, but it diddnt work, all my life ive tried dieting but never worked, so this time i decided to stop eating, i would drink water and only eat small meals at dinner time, so my parents would never find out, this lasted until september, i was going to the gym 5 or 6 times a week for hours, but by the time my year 12 formal came, i lost 20kg, but as i was loosing the weight, i still diddnt feel skinny or pretty after formal i can not stop eating, all i do is binge it, i wont stop eating untill i feel physically sick, and until im about to throw up, i cant control it, once i start i can not stop, and ive gained likke 5kg-10kgs and i feel even worse than when i  started off my diet, and i cant control it and was wondering what to do,

please please can someone give me advice on everything, cause i dont no what to do anymore


Re: dealing with feelings and myself

Hey @booboo123 


Welcome to the forums


It sounds like you are going through so much at the moment and it must be very difficult for you. Family is so complicated and fights can occur over anything. It is terrible that you feel like you are not a family anymore and I can relate to what you are saying. At one point last year my family went through a period where we faught and there was huge explosions and it really ruined the peace of the house because we were always on edge. What help me get through this was a lot of self care, I tried to make myself happy and I also voiced my opinion to my parents. I sat down with both of them and told them the impact it has on me and things didnt change completely but they are so much better now. I know you have said you feel uncomfortable and stupid telling people how you feel but have you thought about writing your parents a letter about how you feel? Maybe have a read of this factsheet, it might help. 


I think this is a positive step for you telling us what you are going through is a big step and you should be proud of yourself for that. If you do want to carry on talking to someone about everything you can call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800


It sounds like you have such amazing will power, losing so much weight is an amazing accomplishment. I also have always been bigger and tried to lose weight and have tried every diet, pill anything you could think of but what happens is I bounce back and gain more weight so I can understand how difficult it is for you. Doing it the healthy way is slow and takes so much time but it works and also is beneficial because it stops the binging and the bouncing back. I am doing that now and I honestly feel better than I have ever felt in my life. I think you can do it too Smiley Happy 


I think you need to assess what being happy means to you? There is no one way of being beautiful, people can be beautiful at all sizes and all that means is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You need to be happy with you because confidence is also beautiful. Everything starts with you, you can control it you just need to believe in yourself. I have a few factsheets that I think might help:


Let us know how you go


Take care 

**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: dealing with feelings and myself

Hey @booboo123 


It really sucks that you have to go through so much, especially after having moved across the world and being away from your grandma. I think everything @ruenhonx has said about dealing with family issues is really great advice, because it is so important to commmunicate to try and resolve conflicts.


I just wanted to let you know that if you need someone to talk to about your body image and eating issues you might like to give the Butterfly Foundation a call on 1300 33 46 73 or go to their website because they can give you some really great advice about imrpoving your positive body image and tips on how to stay healthy.


You seem like a really brave person so you should be proud of that! Keep taking steps to improve your life and the way you see yourself, because you deserve the best!