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do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Hey everyone 

@missep and @scared01 I’m tagging you instead of replying in the other thread - just trying to be mindful of the new guidelines not to end up in extended diary like threads! Smiley Happy

 

During my psych appointment yesterday my psych told me that something that happened to me would be considered sexual assault (I’m also still really struggling with feelings from childhood but don’t remember many details about those). My psych told me if I wanted to I could report what happened to me to the police. Idk if I want to do that. But at the same time, I feel like it might help me to feel safer or to move on. A part of me wants to report what I remember from my childhood as well but I’m aware that probably wouldn’t go well as police aren’t great with these kinds of things in general and I don’t remember a lot of details.

 

Since talking about it I’ve been having really intrusive thoughts about being attracted to men, and then obsessively trying to remember every detail of how I felt during various incidents. It makes me really distressed. I have a safety plan and I’m currently waiting to talk to QLife. But I do wonder whether reporting and trying to heal from the assaults would help me be less scared or have less distressing obsessions/compulsions. 

 

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Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

hey @DruidChild
it sounds like a really tough decision and i applaud you for even considering reporting it as many people shy away from it .
It is totally up to you what ever you decide to do, we will support you. <3

Do you think now that youve spoke to your psychologist you would be able to talk about more, process and then decide what you think is best and if reporting it is what you think is best to do?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Thank you @scared01 Heart I feel like in the end I won’t do it - apart from anything else I get really anxious around police. And I still have the feeling like it wasn’t that bad, I was probably asking for it, it doesn’t really matter, etc. I think that if I remember more from when I was little that’d be something I’d report though. I wouldn’t want him to be around kids in the future. 

Yeah I think it’s going to be something I talk about and process a lot more with my psych, right now I’m just trying to focus on siting with the feelings of shame and not letting those trigger my sh or ed behaviours. I just feel really heavy and ashamed right now. I don’t want this to have happened to me. 

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

no, its definently not your fault, nor did you ask for it, deserve it or any of those negative emotions which i really understand @DruidChild
its ok to question whats right and whats wrong, there no pressure for you do take any steps your uncomfortable with. Talking about it with your psych and learning how to process etc sounds like a really good idea.
i understand those ashamed and heavy feelings too, but youve nothing to be ashamed about, it wasnt your fault Heart hugsHeart

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Thank you @scared01 HeartHeartHeart

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Hi @DruidChild
Thank you for the update,
What you've been going through sounds really challenging, you've always shown how brave you are Heart
I agree with @scared01 it's definitely not your fault and you didn't ask for it.
What happened sucks and what you're feeling is valid.
How have you been feeling lately about it all?
Do you have another psych appointment coming up anytime soon?
Here for you Heart

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Thank you @missep Heart I’ve been trying to keep myself pretty busy with my knitting, art, housework, etc. Nights have been hard though, I just keep remembering stuff and crying and asking, was I a bad kid? Why did he choose me? Was I being punished for something? 

I have another psych appointment in two weeks. 

Hope things are going okay for you Heart

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Oh, @DruidChild I'd like to reach through the screen and comfort you. I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. You are so strong and brave.

Glad you've been able to keep yourself busy. During the nights - is writing something that might help? Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Thank you @letitgo Heart I don’t tend to write at night because I share a room and the light would keep my sibling awake! But I wrote a long, rambling journal entry today and it helped a little. I’m also finding it hard because it’s been too hot to sleep with blankets on and I don’t really feel safe sleeping without covers?

I feel like my brain never, ever stops worrying and analysing and screaming. I might ask my gp to look at giving me some kind of PRN anti anxiety meds (I’m on antidepressants but they don’t work, it’s basically like taking a sugar pill, and my dr won’t change it without psychiatrist consult, which I can’t afford). 

But I have my special blue bunny to help protect me tonight and maybe I’ll listen to some music or something! Smiley Happy

Re: do I report it? (tw sexual assault)

Hi @DruidChild,

 

It sounds like you were able to use some strategies to get through the night last night Smiley Happy How are you feeling today?

 

When is your next appointment with your GP?

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