cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

i don't know what do

Hi I'm 18 years old, i have suffered from depression and anxiety since about 13. i have a long history. lately i have been having on and iff suicidal thoughts. i try to distract myself in ways i can. I don't know what else to do to try and distract myself. i do self harm and i am seeing a psychologist while waiting for a psychiatrist to be free. I just don't know how to control my condition any more. i can never sleep, i feel angry a lot. i feel like i need a breask somewhere wheere i can just chill out and relax abit. i get a lot of tension headaches to. Can anyone give me any advice? Thanks

Re: i don't know what do

I don't know what to anymore Smiley Sad

Re: i don't know what do

Hey @sophw - you're right - 5 years is a long history and an early age to be start experiencing depression and anxiety. Sounds like things have changed pace a little bit lately for you though? Is that right? Sounds like things are really crappy and it's only recently that you've found yourself thinking about ending your life? You've mentioned that you self harm, for a lot of people, self harm is way of dealing with very painful emotions - a pretty dark and sad place inside. I notice that you've also said you're not sleeping well and getting headaches. Not sleeping compounds painful feeling and makes everything much harder to deal with. It's really no wonder wonder that you are feeling so awful and feeling so angry.

 

Thoughts of dying come about when people start to feel desperate. Desperate for the pain inside to end - and when death seems like a way for the pain to end, it becomes an option. The problem with this thinking though, is that you have to be alive to feel the relief of the pain ending. And with the right support (and it sounds like you are on the way to getting it, with your psych and psychiatrist on the way), this pain will pass, it is temporary - though it may not feel like it right now.

 

Don't be too frightened by your thoughts of suicide, just because you have thoughts of suicide, does not mean you have to act on them. From what you've told us here it seems like you probably thought about your reasons for dying - but you also have reasons for living. You've also got a bit of an idea of what you might need to get to a place in your head when you feel the relief from the pain ending and passing.

 

It's really impressive you are seeing a psychologist and waiting for a psychiatrist (is there a Headspace near you?) I really really encourage you to be open and honest with your psychologist and tell them about your suicidal thoughts. I was also wondering about what you said about " i feel like i need a break somewhere where i can just chill out and relax abit" - are you meaning here that you might want some time out in an inpatient clinic? That's the very place that you can have a break from day-to-day stressful life, and just focus on de-stressing and your mental health. Talk to your psychologist about that. 

 

You've mentioned distraction - that is one way of coping with suicidal thoughts but distraction doesn't work all on it's own so it's not surprising you are feeling like that is not enough. I've got two things I really encourage you to do:

1 Really read this info about creating a safe plan for when you are feeling suicidal - it's more than just distraction. Make your own safe plan (and you could also make a safe box - that contains things that remind you of your reasons for living, and things that make you feel good + distractions)

2. Have a chat with Suicide Call Back service - you could call or if that feels too confronting, try the webchat. I think you could really benefit from having an open discussion with one of their counsellors - they are really experienced in suicide and could even help you make your own safe plan.

 

Sorry that this is so long, and I hope it all makes sense. Do let us know how you go with your safe plan and contacting Suicide Call Back Service. We'd love to hear how it goes. You said that you didn't know what to do anymore - well you did a really brave and good thing by opening up to us so just keep reaching out. We're here for you and Suicide Call Back is too.

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: i don't know what do

Hey @sophw 

 

It sounds like you have been going through a difficult time and coming on here shows just how strong you are and that is amazing. Sophie has given you so much information and I just wanted to let you know that I am listening and I am here to support you. 

 

Have you told you psychologist about how you are feeling and what you are going through at all? 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: i don't know what do

Thanks for commenting. I can not talk on the phone to people as i judt have no privacy and have social anxiety which makes it hard to talk. i just feel so irritable, so angry and down. i just want to rest. im getting 4 hours sleep a night sometimes 3, i just don't know whst to do. i have no computer to go on a web chat only my phone which lets me come in here. My psychologist doesn't no because I'm scared she will talk to my mum and mums not supportive. i self harmed last night i found it the only way to cope :,(

Re: i don't know what do

I just want one person to understand me

Re: i don't know what do

More people understand you than you think, @sophw .

 

First off, usually a psychologist won't tell your parent or guardian anything unless they feel you're at risk of very serious harm, such as suicide. A psychologist has to work hard to build trust with their patients… they would usually only put that trust at risk if it were a life/death situation. Don't be afraid to ask them yourself about what they will or won't tell your mum. 

 

Some of the webchat sites will work even though you're using a phone, so give eheadspace a go. Kids Helpline's website has a chat facility, too. I haven't tried them on a phone but, depending on your phone, they might work fine.

 

Plus you can always post and share with others here. Maybe you'll find you have helpful advice for someone else here, too.

 

That aside, do you have any other friends you can talk to?

Re: i don't know what do

No I'm very socialally isolated

Re: i don't know what do

Hey @sophw 

 

I can hear that self harm is a way for you to cope through this and it sounds like a lot is just happening for you. I cant even imagine how overwhelming that is for you. Sleep is very important and to hear that you are not getting enough is terrible. There are a lot of strategies you can try to help you overcome sleeping issues. Have a look at these fact sheets, 'How to get a good night's sleep' and 'Getting into a sleeping routine'. If you feel it is a bit more serious have you thought about going to see a GP just to see how they can help you get a some sleep? 

 

I agree with Lex, you can access some web chats on your phone, I know Lifeline can be accessed on your phone so if you would like to give them a try here is the link 

 

We are here for you.

Hope you can keep us informed on what's going on with you. 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**