i feel so stupid for this

[blobby]

i can't get him out of my head. he's with someone else. why does he have to dump it on me?

i have to be by his side whenever he needs it. he manipulates me and controls my thoughts and feelings, and i go back to him because he's my "best friend". i can't get over him since we broke up and i'm sick of crying over him all the time when he doesn't care. 

[blobby]

i feel like i'm going around in circles and can't seem to get out of this loop where he hurts me and i go back to him. it makes me seem too dependent on him and my "friends" including my own friccken family tease me about it. 

his gf is so annoying and i can't stand her and she just stays friends with me to keep him happy but she talks behind my back to him and he doesn't try to defend me. 

i want to hit something and i've been crying non-stop today because i'm realising that i can't tell him what i want to say ever because he'll tell everyone and everyone will think that i'm a stuck up heartbroken little bitch. 

i hate myself for this and i don't want to hurt anymore and the butterflies won't leave and the sick feeling won't leave and my head wont stop remembering and aching and my eyes won't stop crying and my heart won't stop bleeding. i feel like i'm being punched in the gut because he'll never like me. 

[Tiny_leaf]

@blobby that sounds like a horrible situation, I'm really sorry that you're having to go through it...

Is there any way that you could take a bit of a break from that relationship? It might give you some space to think about what you'd like to do, and take off some of the pressure.

[ecla34]

@blobby you're definitely not stupid for this It sounds like a really painful situation to be in, and i'm so sorry that the people around you have been making you feel even worse about everything Do you think having a bit of space might be helpful for you in this situation? I understand it's not always the easiest though  

I know you mentioned that your friends and family have been teasing you about him, but was there anyone you could have a chat with about just how awful everything has been making you feel, including how they've been reacting to it? Do you think they might be more supportive? 
You're such a kind and compassionate person, I see you offering so much wonderful support to everyone here and you definitely deserve the same in return! You've got such a big heart and I really admire that about you

Thinking of you and hope you're doing okay today xx

[blobby]

@ecla34 @Tiny_leaf  thank you both so much for you kind words - it means a lot

i just don’t know how to keep it hidden and the fact that his 14 year old girlfriend is so bratty and self involved it doesn’t make it much easier. I have to find a way to keep it to myself because I am with him all the time. I am able to take a break - maybe even permanently - from this relationship because I am moving schools, and he is not happy about it. So making me feel awful about it isn’t great. I’m so glad I get to leave and start afresh

have a good night xx

[Tiny_leaf]

@blobby it's good that you've got the opportunity and a good excuse to take a break. 

I think with keeping it hidden from him, you can actually use her self-centered-ness to your advantage. It sounds like she'll make herself the center of attention if given the chance, all you need to do is let her. That way keeping it hidden will be easier. 

I hope it'll all work out well for you. Take care. 

[ecla34]

@blobby i'm glad that moving feels like a positive fresh start for you How's everything been going for you the past couple of days with friends and preparing for moving? It must be pretty busy!

[blobby]

@ecla24 it’s been so frustrating. I was at his party last night and he was all over his gf. making out and all in front of everyone. Talk about gross.
wanted to throw up the entire time just looking at them. he was supposed to be interacting with his guests and his parents weren’t saying anything. what a messed up 12 hours that was. not to mention I had musical practice with him and his gf the whole day until 3.
I also found out some things that his gf has said about me.
she told him that I had taken things from her that she deserved, for example in chapel band being centre stage, Rizzo in the musical etc. she sounds like a dying cat when she sings! and she’s pissed off because I’m better than her (not my words - other people’s)
I just want to do the musical and leave . I don’t have the emotional capability to think about him anymore. Perhaps it will be easier to say goodbye

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @blobby, that does sound like a really difficult situation to be in. What sort of impact is it having on you? It sounds like it must be pretty upsetting for you. How do you deal with spending so much time with him and his girlfriend? When are you moving schools? If you don't mind me asking.. what made you make the change to a different school? You mentioned that he manipulates and hurts your feelings.. how does he do that? Sorry for all the questions, I hope it wasn't overwhelming... just trying to understand your situation a little better

[blobby]

hey @Taylor-RO . it's having a large impact on me, I can't think about him because he makes me feel wrong and right at the same time. his girlfriend is just a massive pain and tries to be friends with me all the time, but i hate her.

i want to move schools because of all the stuff i've had to put up with from my cohort for the last four years. I'm exhausted and i struggle to keep going sometimes. i've been telling people that mum wants me to go to a girl's school. I feel so blessed and lucky i get to move to such a wonderful school, but i'm having trouble getting out of this slump. 

he hurts me by making comments about how i wear my makeup and do my hair, sometimes I don't want to shave my legs, so he decides to point it out. he likes to make fun of me if i make a mistake, but then he turns around and he's all huggy and like i'm his girlfriend!

his girlfriend makes a lot of comments about me and my friends, saying that i've taken everything from her she "deserves" i.e my role in the musical, her place in the school band, and (possibly) her boyfriend. then she acts like i'm her bestie when she's with me. i'm so frustrated with the both of them. i can't want to just walk out and never look back

its not overwhelming with all the questions, really it's helping me to get past it so i don't make a fool of myself in front of him.