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idk what to do. advice please?

Hey everyone

So as I've mentioned before I'm in year 10 at high school. I go to an all girls school and in the past 4 years I've had a lot of trouble with some people at my school especially in year 7 and 8. I had friends who turned on me in year 7 who were very popular and had ties with a lot of people, so it went really badly for me and everyone went with their side of the story etc etc.

Anyways, after moving groups twice since then because of related issues I now just sit with two close friends. They're great and I 100% agree with the whole quality over quantity thing, but I just wish I had a bigger group because sometimes they'll both be away and then I just have to sit with another friend and its really awkward. I'll always make friends in classes that I don't have with my other friends, but then the next year when our classes change we'll just forget about each other.

Having social anxiety, I am really quiet and constantly worrying what people think of me. Countless people tell me I'm so quiet and ask me why I don't talk which I never really have an answer for, and my friend always tells me to just chime in and be bubbly around other people... but it's really not that easy. If I ever pick up the courage to do that I'll always just start worrying again about how they now think I'm weird because of whatever I said. So yeah my social life at school is not good and I just feel stuck and don't know what to do. Tbh my social life just sucks as a whole. Does anyone know any ways to socialise more out of school that doesn't involve sport??? (I can't play sport for my life lol)

Thanks xx

Re: idk what to do. advice please?

Hi @CMC02,

It sounds like you are thinking about meeting new people, is that right? I can understand what you mean about making new friends in your classes and then the classes shift each year- that can be really tough. It's great that you are wanting to put yourself out there and try to meet some new friends, that's really brave Smiley Happy 


What are you main hobbies? You mentioned that sport wasn't something you like to do, what things do you do for fun? 


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Re: idk what to do. advice please?

Hey @CMC02 for sure there's tonnes you can do outside of school to make new friends, as @Jess1-RO mentioned it definitely depends on what your interests are. It can be anxiety provoking in school environments, but you're spot on quality over quantity is the way to go. I think it's amazing you are sitting in the discomfort and learning how to be with yourself even when your friends aren't there.


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Re: idk what to do. advice please?

hi! i guess that depends on what sorts of things you like @CMC02
off the top of my head theres study groups, book clubs, volunteer work at the library, or other place, some libraries and/or community centres hold 'youth days' where teens are able to go chill there for a while, music groups, art groups... im sure theres much more
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: idk what to do. advice please?

Heya @CMC02


I get what you mean, it's always nice to have more friends. I mean if you're not bubbly then so be it, would you rather people like you for who you are or would you rather they like you for your fake personality? Sure being bubbly will help your chances of making friends but after awhile the whole act just becomes tiring. Or the opposite might happen, fake it until you make it as they say. Your personality will actually become more bubbly and outgoing the more you fake that persona believe it or not! 


In terms of making more friends at your age, outside of school and sports? It would definitely be a job. A lot of people your age have part time jobs and it's a good way to socialise. Others would be like something to do with a hobby you're interested in. Whether they have meetups or group events and if you feel like going to those. You can go and see those people and you would already have a common interest so you can talk to them about that.

Re: idk what to do. advice please?

Hey @Jess1-RO,

Honestly not much. I actually really enjoy school, but the social aspect is just not working out and it's making it much less enjoyable. In my spare time I guess sometimes I draw etc, so I could take art classes or something. 


Re: idk what to do. advice please?

Hey @LeoTheLion,

Thanks for your reply! I actually already have a casual job in a supermarket. I work there with one friend from school and apart from that everyone else is at least 5 years older than me. Talking to coworkers and customers in general is a good way to socialise but unfortunately getting a job didn't help all that much like I thought it would.

Re: idk what to do. advice please?

Hey @CMC02, I can completely relate to what you're talking about Heart It can be so hard to make friends when you're not a super outgoing person. It makes it even harder when socialising makes you feel anxious. It sounds like you get nervous when you socialise because you're worried that they'll judge you, is that right? The best thing that helped me was talking to the school counsellor. She helped me to get over my nerves and helped me to boost my confidence too. Have you thought about doing that?


Its so cool that you draw too! Taking art classes is such a great idea especially because you'll meet people who share the same hobbies. Do you like reading? I joined a book club and I've made so many wonderful people there who like reading the same books as me. Also it might be a long shot but do you like playing board games? My sister joined a dungeons and dragons group and she has met so many like minded people!