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my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

...thus leaving me at school with zero close friends next year. i'm going into year 12 then, and others' friend groups have most likely been well established right now, so this feels like the worst possible time in my school career to try to make friends. there's a group of girls in my grade who seem similar to me and kind who i've looked at and thought 'i wish i was friends with them', but i'm not sure if i should branch out or try to be content with being alone, since i'll be constantly bombarded with school work anyway.

i just feel really sad and stressed about this even though it's completely out of my control, but this really triggered tough feelings coming from fear of abandonment since i was in this exact situation back in year 8. i'm just looking back to when i had a friendship group of 4 and how much i took that for granted Smiley Sad i hate the feeling of being left alone, and i'm starting to overthink about what could go wrong and worst case scenarios like: 'what if the girls i ask to sit with decline?'.

has anyone else been in a similar situation? 

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

Hey @priyaaaa I'm sorry you're feeling so down and alone right now- it sounds like your friend leaving is bringing up bad memories from year 8 Smiley Sad Loneliness is such a painful feeling.. To answer your question, yeah I think everyone has been in a similar situation at one point or another where they are isolated from people Smiley Sad So you're definitely not alone in what you're experiencing

I don't think there's any harm in asking to sit with these girls, because I think you're right in thinking the worst thing they could do is decline. How do you think you would cope with that rejection if it did happen? Mm, while yes studies are important in year 12, so is having some kind of social support! Could you possibly combine the two and find some people to study and socialise with?

I also wonder if you'll be able to stay in touch with your best friend even though they have moved? It sounds like they were a good friend.

It sounds like you have an idea of how you might make friends but you're worried about what might go wrong and wondering if it would be worth it anyway? But you're currently feeling down and stressed about it and don't want to be alone?

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

Hey @priyaaaa 

this is such a tough spot to be in, I'm sorry your friend is leaving, that really sucks Smiley Sad 

I remember joining a new group of friends when I was in highschool, it was really scary but I was so glad I did it and I'm still friends with them now. I like @Lost_Space_Explorer5's idea of trying to do some study and socialising with them, what do you think of that? Or could there be a way to start chatting with them in class?

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

hi , thanks so much for assuring me i'm not alone. the thing is, just being with someone i have a connection with makes me feel safe, and now that i have to face the feeling of not feeling that sense of security is very confronting and i experienced that today at school, because she signed out of school for good today. i felt like a penguin in the desert in that sense lol. 

i changed my mind about the worst case scenario if i asked to hang out with those girls - the worst case scenario would actually be if they did want me to sit with them but excluded me and made me feel like i'm just trailing along, which is a possibility, or most likely a result of me overthinking. what is also a possibility is that they could immediately welcome me and make me feel appreciated and as if i belong!

i think it would be worth it but the thought of me making that effort and possibly coming across as pushy and eager makes me cringe but it's what i kinda have to do if i don't want to spend year 12 by my lonesome. 

about the year 8 thing i brought up - funny thing is i've been in this exact situation before and the friend group i had most recently was the group of people i asked to hang out with when i had no one. i'm doubting the possibility of people accepting me most likely because of my low self esteem :/ i think i have all the answers and guidance for what i need to do but i'm going through super tough emotions right now and i wish this didn't have to be the reality

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

hi hannah, thank you for your kind and compassionate words, and your own experience was quite reassuring. what did you say to them to initiate joining that group of friends?

and yes, i like their idea too. this year, friends and study was of equal priority to me and i can say it worked and it was still fulfilling. it's pretty hard being a shy person with extraverted tendencies. i know exactly how to put myself out there but i think it's my low self esteem and worry that holds me back. one of the things i'm scared of is trying to sit with them in class and try to spark up a conversation and being boring :/

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

Hey @priyaaaa that's okay! You are definitely definitely not alone. I've struggled with being alone before, in high school, and even now in uni. It can be so hard to put yourself out there and make friends

A penguin in the desert hey? hehe is that an idiom? Either way I love it and will use it Smiley LOL Mm yeah it's possible they might let you sit with them but you're left feeling a bit excluded. But if that happens it sounds like you're very ready to challenge your thinking or bounce back and try again!

I don't think it's cringey to be pushy/eager. I think it's quite a brave thing to do and shows that you're trying Smiley Happy

Ooh that's interesting that this has happened before, it sounds like it's very possible you could find a new group of friends then!

It sounds like you're most concerned about managing the anxiety and loneliness this situation is bringing up for you? Has anything in the past helped when you've felt this way?

We're always happy to support you if you're feeling alone and need a chat Smiley Happy

hahaha I totally get the being a shy person with extraverted tendencies. Like when I find someone I can be comfortable with I'll show em how weird I can be Smiley Tongue

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

i'm sorry you've been alone recently in uni Smiley Sad

i would like to think those girls would be welcoming if they knew i was losing my last friend, but they definitely don't so that's kinda comforting too. i tried to imagine how i'd react if someone came up to me and said 'hey priya, can i hang out with you? you seem really cool' and i think i would feel like i was on the spot but i would probably say 'sure, of course!'

yes it is interesting i've been in basically the exact same situation! i'm not sure how i managed my emotions then, i was at a really low point and couldn't take the loneliness anymore, so i immediately found a group of friends who i figured already liked me, to ask if i could sit with them. 

thank you for offering you're support, you've been so helpful Smiley Happy and same with me being shy! i'm proud of myself though because i don't feel as uncomfortable as i used to talking to people i didn't know too well in class, putting myself out there in general etc.

i think a part of me is hoping people will notice i'm alone and invite me to hang out with them, but i should be careful of those kinds of expectations, people can't read minds.

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

Hey @priyaaaa it's awesome you've got so much insight into yourself and others! It is so true, people can't read minds haha! Throwback to me sitting by myself in year 7 hoping someone would be my friend but also rejecting anyone's offers for me to sit with them because that 'obviously' meant they felt bad for me Smiley LOL It sounds like you've really been working on putting yourself out there more to challenge that anxiety Smiley Happy

I definitely think you've got this! Keep us updated if you like! Smiley Happy

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

 i'll be sure to keep u updated! expect to hear back from me in a few months Smiley Happy

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@priyaaaa I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, feeling alone and a bit scared. But I'm here to tell you I have been there before. A few years ago, one day my friend said she didn't want to be in the group anymore and she brought all our other friends with her into this bigger group and whilst I still had my best friend in the end she moved into the bigger group too. One day at lunch I literally had to go up to this girl who I sat next to in 1 class but she was really nice and say I'm sorry I don't really have any friends right now, do you mind if I sit with you and your friends and 4 years later they are still my group now! I think it was honestly one of the scariest things I've ever done because I was worried she would say no or that I'd go through the rest of high school with no friends, but once I did it was so proud of myself. I also found when I was in Year 12 friendship groups changed a bit anyway as people became friends with those in their sports/classes, plus I'm sure people would be open and welcoming to a new member in their group! For me it was important to have a support system of friends in Year 12 because it can get a bit stressful, so if it were me I would take the leap and approach this group of girls you've thought might make a nice group of friends for you. I know it's scary, but if you feel as though that's what you would like to do, I believe in you, you can do it! Heart