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Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

hey @celestialdreamer Smiley Happy thank you so much for your advice and reassurance. your own story is super inspiring! what makes me the most scared is that i don't know the girls pretty much at all and when i did some research on how to make friends at school it was recommended i go to 'friends of friends' if that makes sense. they'd probably wonder why it's them i wanted to approach, but anyway.
yeah, i feel like a support system would be beneficial especially for this year, and there are some people who are totally happy being alone and self-suffiicient but i just don't think that's me at all. being with people i get along with makes me feel this sense of safety.
thank you for believing in me, you're so sweet! <3 i think i can do this too. i haven't made new friends in so long i forgot how to do it (lol), but i think my go-to is to approach one of those girls when it's just me and them in class and ask them if i could sit with them and their friends for the year. the stress about the whole thing is hard not to think about and so far this summer holiday it's taking a toll on my mood, i've been feeling pretty down these past couple of weeks.
i'm so glad to hear you're still close to that group you approached! that's so wholesome <3

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

hi @priyaaaa how are you going? I'm sorry it's been a little while! I'm glad my own experiences showed you you aren't alone. I know that can be super scary when you don't really know them and have to approach them, it truly does take a big leap of faith, but like I said before you can do this! I feel like everyone always wonders how they are going to make friends or imagines how they are going to approach them and what they are going to say and kind of do a little role play in their head (I know I definitely do this too) but trust me making friends will come to you like riding a bike, and especially if you have classes together you'll automatically have that in common and can talk about the teacher, the homework, assignments etc. and things will grow from there. But no I completely understand how stressful it is, I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling down over the summer, is there anything that you really love doing that can cheer you up? Also I know you mentioned that being alone/self-sufficient isn't really for you, but something I've recently learnt/am still learning is just because you are spending time by yourself doesn't mean you're alone. Having alone time can really help some people to rejuvenate, like just yesterday I went to the city by myself, did a little shopping, went into the state library and had a look at the exhibitions and it was actually really nice to spend time with myself. Now that's totally okay if that's not for you, but one way of looking at this is kind of like a blessing in disguise, a bit of me-time to mentally rejuvenate before a busy final year of high school! I hope you're going okay Heart

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@celestialdreamer thank you for checking in and no worries!

i think all i can do is accept this weird situation and hope for the best and try not to let worrying about it consume too much of my summer, but i really do think this *ending* is forcefully ejecting me into a place where i can receive blessings and new beginnings. 

this feeling down thing, i'm afraid, is steadily continuing. i have quite a few interests/hobbies that i'm losing passion in and i'm worried about that, and i can't really spend time with my friend group (who you know is now leaving school) over the summer. there's three of them. the first one is busy moving and i don't feel as if we're compatible or we 'gel'. the second one refuses to spend time with me outside of school because i don't practise the same religion as her and told me 'we're just school friends' - ouch, and the third i have hung out with once this summer but sense the friendship dying in a way. when i was out with her i couldn't wait to go home which i suspect means something???

i do feel sad about this and feel like i'm wasting the perfect opportunity to hang out with friends since we're doing pretty well with covid in victoria, but it seems like my soul is telling me to just veg out and rest the entire summer, which i'm admittedly okay with. 

i like that you had a nice experience hanging out with yourself! and yeah it's really important to know the difference between solitude and loneliness. solitude is awesome! 

for the past couple of days i self-isolated, meaning i purposefully avoided interaction with my online friends and it did nothing but i was just feeling super overwhelmed thinking about my future and starting a friend-less new school year which happens to be year 12, and all i can use to discuss my mental and emotional state is with the word 'weird' because i have no idea to describe it or identify what's going on in my head Smiley Sad

but anyway, i hope you're doing well and enjoying your summer Heart i wish there was an inbox feature on here or something so we can talk privately because the forums feel very public to me!

 

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

I think its good that you are accepting the situation and hoping for the best @priyaaaa. As you said, sometimes worrying about things can consume us and take up too much of our time. I hope that you are still able to enjoy the holidays and that you get a chance to relax. It sucks to hear that you have been losing interest in some hobbies/activities, do you think you might be interested in looking into trying out some other activities? You might find that you become interested in other hobbies/activities instead Smiley Happy

Sounds like things have been hard for you lately, it must be hard to feel like things are weird and that you aren't too sure about what is going on. Do you have anyone that you feel comfortable/close enough to talk to about how you have been feeling lately? Sorry that you are feeling public when posting on the forums, privacy and moderation needs are some of the reasons why we don't offer any private messaging through the forums. I hope that is understandable Heart

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@priyaaaa I think that's a really good mindset to have about the situation, good on you for trying to be positive. I'm sorry you're still feeling down though. What are your interests and hobbies? Is there someone you do these with who could help motivate you or do them alongside you? I know after a busy/weird year, sometimes I just need some time to rest, I love watching trashy movies/reading trashy books in my bed all day (especially Christmas ones), or just doing something mindless. You mentioned you just wanted to rest for the summer, and that is totally okay, try not to feel the pressure to have this jam-packed summer, especially going into year 12, you will need your energy so it is totally okay to veg out and take a time out from socialising if that is what your gut is telling you. 

 

As for your three friends, I totally get the situation with your third friend, I think it's happening to me right now too, I find losing friendships sad but there's that saying, we have three types of friends in life, friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime. Maybe you haven't met your lifetime friends yet, maybe they aren't your people for life but were your people for a bit during school. I know so many people say they meet their lifetime friends at uni or work. 

 

I think it's important to take time out from social media, lately it's been making me feel so stressed I never used to understand that before why people got so anxious because I always thought of it as connecting, but now I see the pressure, so I think that's great that you understood your boundaries, knew it was getting too much and took a time out for your mental health! Have you ever thought about journalling or speaking to someone to help you understand your emotions or what's going through your head? I find that it helps me. 

 

Thank you my summer is going okay, to be honest it has been a bit stressful with work etc. I feel like I haven't even had a break yet but at the same time that I'm also running out of time to do stuff I really want to do. But hopefully in the next couple weeks things will slow down and I can also veg out. 

 

Do you have any plans for Christmas? I hope you had a great day Heart

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@Sophia-RO agreed (: and yeah i'll try to enjoy my last extended break as much as possible before i'm bombarded with the workload of year 12 and then worry about it when the time comes. and yeah i'll look into and re-evaluate my interests as i think they need tending to. 

in terms of how i'm going, i actually feel better since i posted that reply even though it was from the day before lol! and thankfully i have a couple of close online friends to turn to when i'm struggling. 

no worries about the private messaging thing!

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

Trying to enjoy your holiday break sounds like a good idea @priyaaaa. Is there anything in particular that you have organised that you are looking forward to doing? Smiley Happy So great to hear that you are feeling better over the last few days. Sounds like having some close friends for support helped a lot, which is lovely!

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@Sophia-RO no concrete plans yet, but my family is contemplating having a week-long stay at a city (most likely melbourne) next month, and if this does happen i'll be really excited for that! but apart from that, nothing much else. i'm also looking forward to the new year Smiley Happy do you have anything planned for the summer?

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@celestialdreamer that saying you quoted about types of friends is interesting! i really wonder if this situation with my friends is clearing the way for *my* people to come in. for me, there's a few things to be excited about for the new year, even coming from someone who is usually skeptical and nervous when faced with a significant change. 

since my most recent reply to you, i have been feeling better from investing in my family relationships and online friendships. i do have hobbies that i really enjoy even if they're not the most social. i love to learn, so i find myself reading a lot and practising a language i'm learning. 

my friendships have never really, in a sense, been 'normal'. when i have a rough patch with a friend, my mum always says 'you've always had such bad luck with friends' (which totally isn't helpful), but in a way it's true. since i was a kid my friends' parents refused to let me visit them or them visit me, and it's continued until recently because even before covid, i never really spent time with my friends and it didn't feel like a choice either of us were making. i hope one day this weird cycle breaks and i can have friends who i see outside of school a lot, because i think i would really benefit from it.

i'm sorry social media has been causing you stress, and in my experience setting myself boundaries around social media use was very worth it. 

i have considered journalling and do occasionally type up everything i'm thinking (without re-reading) and that helps me through tough emotions such as frustration. but if a certain situation is causing certain emotions, it's super helpful to talk it out on here or with close friends to try to work through my thoughts and come to a solution to prevent co-rumination!

thank you for your kind words Smiley Happy i hope you get to relax soon as well, it'll be well deserved! similar to past christmases, this year's will be pretty chill with a gathering of relatives and a meal. if you celebrate, happy christmas for tomorrow!

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@priyaaaa I'm glad you've been feeling better since we last spoke. I also love reading and languages. What are you currently reading and what language are you learning?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your previous friend situations, I also hope one day that cycle breaks, hopefully with your future year 12/uni friends you will be able to see them more outside of school!

 

I definitely think I'm going to set some social media boundaries, I already have put in a few, like turning my active status/notifications/location off, unfollowing people that don't have the kind of energies/content I want to see but I kind of just want to cold turkey log off on all my accounts and not use them at all, I did that a few months ago, it was so refreshing.

 

I'm glad to hear journalling and talking to others has helped you in the past. Would you ever do journalling daily? Have you tried any other strategies that have been helpful?

 

That sounds lovely, I hope you had a great Christmas! Yes I do celebrate, my Christmas was also small just my immediate family and my grandparents and I think we ate for 6 hours but the food was delicious.