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Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@celestialdreamer i'm currently reading the books i need to read for summer reading (station 11, the dressmaker, the crucible) and learning spanish Smiley Happy

i'm glad you're happy with the social media boundaries you set for yourself. i've found for myself that turning on 'do not disturb' for notifications was good because it allowed me to only check my phone when i need to with no sense of urgency. as for journalling, i definitely would try that if i felt i needed it!

do you mind if we circle back to the issue i was talking about for next year. some questions i forgot to ask you were: before you approached that group did you have a period of loneliness or apprehension because it was a group that most likely had developed close friendships, and was there an awkward time of first hanging out with them and realising that you're the only one they don't know well, and how was conversation with them at first? did you feel like you fit right in or was it sort of a non-linear process?

lastly, i hope despite the small gathering you had a good christmas too! i'm glad the food was delicious! mine was the best christmas i've had in years and i found it special which is weird because it's still 2020 

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@priyaaaa I'm sorry I took so long to respond. I hope your week has gone well! Ooooh I had to read the crucible for my year 12 English, but I've never heard of the other ones, are they good? I've always wanted to learn spanish, are you doing it through a course or on your own? They also sound like really good social media boundaries, I'm glad they're working for you!

Of course, we can talk about anything that's on your mind. When I approached the group I definitely had a period of loneliness and apprehension, I think I felt a bit lonely because I was losing my old friends who I had been in a group with for so many years, but my new friends were very welcoming so I think it helped the loneliness pass relatively quickly, but as for the apprehension I think that lasted a bit longer because I was thinking about the fact I had just approached them and whether they would like me and what if it didn't work out, lots of worst case scenarios, especially because they were already close. I remember the first few weeks I would write down what I could talk to them about that day but in the end I never needed to worry sometimes the conversation would be a little awkward but I feel like that often happens with new friends, we started doing more together, we found things we had in common and the great thing about school is you can always talk about school. Also the thing about being in a group is you can sit and listen and observe and get to know them as well as them getting to know you. I think there was a bit of time where I didn't feel like I fit 100% in straight away because the group already existed, but that feeling eased after a while too. But I think it's important to remember different people open up to new people at different rates, so it's okay if it feels awkward at first, some friendships happen fast and others happen a bit more gradually.

I'm so happy you had such a wonderful Christmas!! How was your New Years?

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@celestialdreamer that's okay! i need to read station eleven before we go back to school in 3 weeks and i'm only on chapter 2 because i have a habit of procrastinating Smiley Indifferent so i can't say yet. i'm trying to get into reading again because i loved that hobby as a reading-obsessed child! i think i'm gonna actually give up spanish because the reason why i started learning was because i thought it would be cool to have conversations in spanish with my spanish speaking friend, and since i've learned that taking actual language classes (my school unfortunately doesn't offer spanish) is the most efficient way to have conversational fluency which is what i was aiming for, and my naive self last year was unaware it takes literal years to be fluent lol.

your initial feelings when you first started hanging out with that group will probably be how i'll feel. it's true that there's obviously one thing i'll have in common with whoever i'll approach which is school so there's that! one situation i'm dreading is if the group as a whole pays their attention to me and asks 'so tell us about yourself' because i have an underdeveloped sense of self... i don't know if this makes sense but i don't really know who i am - what my traits are, what's interesting about me, what i do, what makes me unique etc.

i'm glad your worries about fitting in that the group already had well-established friendships eventually subsided, that gives me hope! thank you again for sharing your experience. i hope the friendships don't feel weird and that the reason i'm with them is actually because we're compatible and not because i don't want to be alone because i really don't. right now the reason why i want to make these friends at school is because i'm tired of being sad about not having any friends irl and feeling bad for myself because i know i deserve strong connections with mutual interest and passion. 

thank you, my new years was really chill, it was a stay-in type of night as always and we did a countdown and went to bed! how was yours?

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

Sounds like you have been pretty busy with some
interesting activities @priyaaaa. I find learning a language to be very tough at times, so I can understand your reasons for not wanting to learn Spanish anymore. Sorry to hear that you feel like you don’t know who you are. I think it can be quite common for people to not fully understand where they fit in until they are well into adulthood, so I don’t think you are alone there! You mentioned being worried about what to say if you might get asked about who you are. Sometimes it can be helpful to practice certain answers ahead of time, especially if you feel like you won’t know what to say on the spot. Do you think it would be helpful to brainstorm some potential answers to questions that you might be asked? Smiley Happy

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@Sophia-RO thank you for reassuring me i'm not alone Heart and thank you, i feel like i would benefit from brainstorming some answers

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@priyaaaa maybe you could try to find the audiobook or find it online and get your laptop to play it out loud through speech to hear it? I'm also really trying to get into reading again, but I haven't found the right book yet.

It's okay that it takes years to be fluent, small steps still help, like when I'm learning Italian I listen to Italian songs and watch Italian movies or English ones and put subtitles on. You could even get your friend to teach you some to start you off? But yeah especially going into Year 12, I can understand why you might leave language classes for now.

From my experience, no one put me on the spot and asked me about myself like that, there were more little questions here and there that they used to get to know me, so I think your friends would do that too. I'm sorry that you feel like you don't know who you are, but it's okay, I feel like this too. I went on a date last week and my date literally asked me that exact question and I was like lol what do I like, what type of person am I, I have no idea. I like to ask my friends and family or do personality quizzes to help me understand myself or when little thoughts come into my head like 'ooh I really enjoyed doing ...' or 'I didn't do that so well but did that better' I write it down so I don't have to think of it on the spot. I'm not sure if that will help you, but I think it's okay that you don't know 100% who you are. From our conversations, you seem very considerate, and thoughtful and openminded. You ask me questions back and read carefully what I've written and ask me about it which shows you're caring and an active listener.

I love that you said you deserve strong connections with mutual interest and passion. You go girl, manifest those positive vibes and those friendships because you do deserve that and I'm so happy you recognise that! And it is totally understandable that you don't want to feel sad and want a good group of friends around, I feel the same.

That sounds like a lovely New Years. Mine was good, my friends' sister had a small party maybe 25 people so we were hanging out with them, it was fun.

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@celestialdreamer i'm glad your new year celebration was fun. 

i've also had personality quizzes recommended to me by family when i told them i'm not really familiar with my personality traits! thank you for sharing traits you've noticed about me, that was really kind and helpful and i'm relieved to know i'm not alone on not fully knowing myself. Smiley Happy as for you, i can say you're really attentive and actively try to seek solutions which i love. i have an online friend who does the same thing and it makes me feel really supported as opposed to when people give unsolicited advice, make it about themselves etc. 

since this whole issue arose, i've been thinking about the other side of the spectrum which is trying to enjoy my own company instead of searching for friends the second i face the impending reality of being alone. i've been researching this and think i'm gonna try out sitting alone during lunch breaks until i naturally gravitate towards potential friends or vice versa. a quote i saw stuck with me that goes along the lines of 'when you're in solitude, you're in the company of someone you've already known you're entire life and someone who knows you better than anyone else, and that you don't have the pressure of trying to impress others'. more and more, i'm starting to believe that solitude could actually be great. it's something that scares me and immersing myself in something uncomfortable could be transformative! what are your thoughts?

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

Hey @priyaaaa , sorry I'm only just seeing your post.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your best friend leaving, that's a shame. Is there any way you can keep in contact with her?

 

I don't know about having friends, I've always been alone my whole life, so I don't understand. I hope things are ok for you though. Sorry I can't offer much advice, but I do care and I'm here for you.

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

@musicfan_xo thank you. i start school next week and i don't think i'll immediately go into finding friends, i think i'll just enjoy solitude until something naturally comes. to be completely honest with you, i'm really not interested in keeping in contact with that friend and when we were the last ones left, i found the connection forced and, frankly, boring, so i'm actually kinda excited about this clean slate.

it's okay that you're not able to give advice! i believe things will be okay and if they're not, that's okay too because it's my last year of school anyway. thank you for your support and that you're here for me Heart

Re: my last best friend from my friend group is moving to another state and i'm needing support

hi @priyaaaa i havent read through the whole thread im sorry but i would like to also support you
it sounds like going off your latest post your going ok with starting fresh?
i didnt really have many friends at school and really struggled to make new ones i was generally the "third wheel" so to speak even in larger groups.
i really hope that youll be able to find some new genuine friends soon though
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**