cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

no hope

Hi. I'm really bad with words but I need to get this out.
I feel like I have no future. I'm 21 and on disability pension for my mental illness. I'm constantly in hospital.I have no capacity to work and I doubt I'll be able to cope with the pressure of study. And tbh I don't see the point anyway. I dont want to live this life anymore. I'm a waste of space and oxygen.
I know I have people that care about me and would be devastated when I go. But my pain overshadows my guilt.
I'm not going to attempt now, but I damn wish I could.
I'm sorry.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: no hope

Hey @redhead - you took a really brave step posting your fears and thoughts here tonight. You've been through a lot and it's understandably a lot to deal with. Are you sure you're not at risk right now? You're right that people care about you and want you here, myself and others at Reach Out are definitely included in that group. I urge you to contact your pro support network and let them know what's going on. If you don't want to do that right now, call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

 

It's really hard to see beyond the moment when you're right in the middle of it. You might be familiar with the acronym HOPE. It stands for Hold On, Pain Ends. It might sound a little corny but it's true. The moment will pass, the pain will pass, the thoughts will pass. You are a strong person, you demonstrate it every day here on the forums and the fact that you've coped this long is testament to that. You can, and you will, get through this pain and these negative thoughts.

 

You are 21 - there is still so much time ahead of you!  There is nothing shameful or wasteful about using resources when you need them. That's what they are there for. You're not working or studying right now, that's ok. That isn't the path for every person. When I look at some of the famous people in history who struggled with mental illness but found great success, it was rarely by a conventional path - Frida Kahlo, Beethoven, Edgar Allan Poe, countless artists and musicians and writers! There is time to find your way, and just because it's not clear right now doesn't mean it won't be in the future. Stick in there, @redhead  - I believe in you!

Re: no hope

Hey @redhead
It sounds like you are going through so much and feeling so much pain right now. Don't be sorry for being honest about how you feel, you are so strong, you have reached out by writing this and it shows that part of you once to live.

You said you have people that care about you and to them and to us, you are not a waste of space and oxygen. Have you spoken to anyone you trust about how you feel?

Speaking to Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back 1300 65 94 67 might help you in dealing with the pain you feel right now.

Keep on fighting

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: no hope

I didn't mean to high-five your post @redhead, sorry if that made you feel upset or anything. I was just agreeing with what  @ElleBelle wrote and the web page moved on me.

 

Just remember that you are strong! You inspire me everyday with your resilience. And if you are inspiring me, then you must be inspiring countless others. Hang in there. If I knew you in real life, I would hug you, so here, have a virtual one. *hug*

 

Here is my favourite quote that got me through the days I felt like giving up on things.

 

"There are going to be days when giving up will seem oh so attractive, and easy, and perhaps no one will be there to save you but, find that inner strength in yourself to get through today and tomorrow because this pain isn't permanent and you are worthy and deserving of such greater things." - anon


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ
Highlighted

Re: no hope

Hi @redhead I'm so sorry to hear what a terrible time you are having, I wish I could make you feel better even for a minute, I'm not going to pretend like you will wake up one day and everything will be perfect, but I've been in some pretty dark places myself and things do improve, not for ever.. But they do change and sometimes it's a good change Smiley Happy don't give up on yourself

Re: no hope

@redhead I'm sorry you're having a hard time, I know it can be hard to study with a mental illness, and studying can be really pressurising particularly when you are not feeling well.

 

Definitely call Lifeline or Suicide Call Back Service if you feel suicidal at any point. I hope things do get better and let us know how you are going. Stay strong, don't give up, because you are worth it Smiley Happy

Re: no hope

Hey @redhead,

Just wanted you to know that I've been thinking of you and hoping you're ok.

When I was studying philosophy I met a Psychiatrist who was also studying philosophy. We had a conversation about suicide which has always stuck in my memory. She said that she believed it was right to intervene and try to save people who were at risk of suicide, because she had patients who had tried and failed, and later, once they'd been able to move past that terrible point in their lives, they felt really glad that they hadn't died. To me, that kind of proved that it *can* get better, even when it doesn't feel like it at the time.

I'm sorry about your pain, and I'm so glad you're hanging on. You deserve to get through this. We're here to support you.

 

blithe

Re: no hope

Wow thanks for all the kind words and support. It means a lot.

I'm too scared to call lifeline or suicide call back service. I'm not going to act on my thoughts anyway.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: no hope

Hey @redhead,

Good to hear from you. I am so glad you're not going to act on your thoughts.

I'm sorry you feel too scared to call a support line. If there are any questions or concerns about callling them that you think we could help with, please ask. They are there because they want to help you, you shouldn't have to go through this alone.

In the meantime, it is totally ok to keep sharing here, we are listening. Smiley Happy

 

blithe

 

 

 

Re: no hope

That is great to hear, @redheadCat Very Happy 

 

I ditto everything that @blithe has just said, but I wanted to add a bit.

 

Have you thought about using the online chat that lifeline offers? Unfortunately, it is only available from 8pm to 4am though. I just thought that if it is the actually ringing and talking to someone that makes you scared the most, then perhaps you could try the online option. But it is completely up to you. 

 

All the best,

 

stonepixie


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ