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not coping with things anymore.

hello, I'm not really sure where to start with this or how to go about saying it I guess I've never really been good at telling people things but I thought I would give it a try. Over the last few year's I have been battling with anxiety and depression, up until the last few months I have been able to manage them on my own I have been able to manage the feelings they bring and all of the other bad stuff, but recently they have become too much for me to be able to handle and it is getting the better of me, the feelings of wanting to harm myself, of not enjoying life or the things in life, the feeling of everyone around me hating me, it is all becoming too much for me to handle. I am so stressed out with school and trying to be able to afford things like moving out of home at the end of the year and having a car, the stress of school mixed with doing nothing at school and people at school that is becoming too much to handle, I don't enjoy going to school or seeing my friends, when i get home things aren't much better I don't talk much to my family at all and I can't tell them things that are going on mentally with me because they have to deal with an older sibling of mine who for the last 8 years has been dealing with severe anxiety, depression, and self-harm and I just can't add my problems for my family to deal with, having someone so close to me as I have grown up going through this and seeing them hurt themselves and the other things have taken a seriously large toll on me. My girlfriend is also dealing with forms of depression and I can't really tell her things without the fear of her getting mad at me or upset at herself, I blame myself for her problems and I'm scared of the damage that her on a daily basis having to deal with me who is dealing with these illnesses I am scared of the damage it is doing to her, I blame myself for her self-harming I try to help her but I seem to just make things worse I feel like I'm a failure. I am always feeling sick due to stomach ulcers that have been caused from all the anxiety, due to these ulcers and the pain they cause me, I barely eat anything ever I have gone through periods where all I will eat is a very small dinner once a day. I don't sleep very well at night ever I only get a few hours of sleep mainly because I just can't fall asleep then when I do fall asleep I wake up many times, I feel useless in life like my life is going nowhere, I feel like I am fighting everything in my head on my own with nobody by my side to help me through it and it's not working anymore I'm not strong enough to keep going I'm becoming so tired (not sleeping tired but mentally tired) I can't keep my fight up much longer I am starting to break down in tears for no reason all the time, the urges to harm myself and to not keep fighting and just give up are just getting too strong. I feel that I am alone with all of this with nobody around to help I have nobody I can talk to, I'm struggling to cope with everything right now and I just can't take it my mind can't take it anymore. I'm sorry I'm an inconvenience to everyone and to the people around me, I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I have never really been good at telling people things so I have just started writing and I'm sorry if this doesnt make sense, but long story short i really am struggling with everything at the moment and all i feel like doing is giving up and the stuff in my head is really starting to get to me and i can't find a way to escape from it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, Jubby. 

Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hey Jubby,
Thank you for sharing this. I'm really sorry to hear you've been going through some tough times lately. Has anything happened to trigger it all becoming too difficult for you?
I know you may not believe me, but I'm 100% sure the people around you care for you and want to help you, even if you don't see it.
As for your sibling, you need to know IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IN ANY WAY!! Something you have to realise when living with people who have anxiety, depression or other mental health issues is that you should never ever blame yourself.
I'm sure your girlfriend is there for you. Even if she is struggling as well, that doesn't mean you should isolate yourself. Let her in, let her help you, and maybe you two can help each other. You have to focus on yourself though, just as she has to focus on herself. And again, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!!

Jubby, you are a very strong person, and you are going to do incredible things with your life, just don't give up yet. Everyone at Reachout cares a lot about you, and myself and the RO members are always here to help when you are struggling. Don't give up hope yet, Jubby.
As far as your eating goes, I'm not sure how serious this is, but it is very important for both your mental and physical health that you do eat enough. If you are struggling with an eating disorder I recommend you take a look at: http://au.reachout.com/tough-times/physical-health/eating-disorders . This is the reachout page for eating disorders, and may prove helpful.
Have you heard of the Reachout Breathe App for iOS? It is a very good tool for when you are upset and stressing out with school and life in general. It works to slow your breathing and heart rate, and I think it may help you.

Thank you for taking the time to 'reach out' Smiley Wink I sincerely hope you make it through this tough time. We are all here for you.

Re: not coping with things anymore.

hey, someonewhocares,

First thank you for replying and your very kind words, I don't really think anything has triggered me recently but I'm not really sure. with my sibiling I try not to blame myself for it  but its hard some times. i know my girlfriend is there butIi just feel bad putting my problems onto her too like I feel bad because I know it hurts her to know that i am hurting. 

 

thank you for your kind words it really helps, it helps to know that there are people that do care. 

with the eating its not too bad it was just due to the stomach issues they would make me feel sick making me not feel like eating and that mixed with just general loss of appetite made it bad at one point but I am getting better with eating and starting to eat more, thank you for the link I will have a look at that though.

I haven't heard of the app but i will definitely download it to try and help with things at school if i start to feel like i am breaking down. 

 

Thank you so much for your kind words and fo listening it really does mean a lot to me, it means a lot to know that people care. 

 

Thank you so much, Jubby. 

Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hey @jubby1509! @SomeoneWhoCares has given heaps of good suggestions to try out, so I am not going to add too much right now, there is heaps of other things you can try to work through these tough feelings though and when you're ready, come back and we can help with some more ideas Smiley Happy

 

Have you ever had a chat to a doctor about these feelings of anxiety? Is that something you're interested in trying?

Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hey Jubby,
First of all I'd like to ask if there's anything you would like to get from this forum? I think it's really great you're talking to someone and taking the first step to helping yourself.
With your sibling, you have to know that it isn't your fault, and also you have to trust that they are getting the help they need, and if not, that they are able to. Just them knowing you are there for them is always really helpful to people who are suffering from anxiety and depression.
As a girl myself, and understanding a little about us, I'm sure it would hurt her to know that someone she cares deeply about is hurting, however that hurt she feels for you isn't going to go away if you stop telling her things. From what you've said she is one of your biggest supports and you need to keep her in the loop about what's going on in your life and how she can help make it better.
Thanks to Ben-RO, I was actually going to ask if you'd been to a doctor, for the anxiety as well as for your stomach ulcers? Even though you may not feel up to eating, it is really important that you do so. A doctor could potentially give you advice on food that you could eat that would minimise the pain you feel from the ulcers? I would also recommend maybe speaking to someone you are comfortable with about this eating issue, I understand it is hard but maybe those around you could help you out, possibly reminding you to eat and just general making sure you get enough to eat. 

You mentioned you also have anxiety, and I was wondering, do you have any strategies to cope with this? What are they? This link might prove useful: http://au.reachout.com/self-help-strategies-for-anxiety . It is just a list of strategies for anxiety you can use if you ever need to. 

 

We care about you Jubby, stay strong!

SomeoneWhoCares x

Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hey Ben-RO and SomeoneWhoCares, 

i might just reply in two sections to each reply if that's okay. 

 

Hey, Ben-RO, the suggestions that SomeoneWhoCares gave are really good suggestions and have helped and just knowing that someone cares and listens and took the time to reply really helps. 

With the anxiety I have been to a doctor about it and I was referred to see a psychologist about the anxiety, this was about 2 years ago i think but i found that it didn't seem to help me much so we decided that i could stop seeing them. 

 

Hey SomeoneWhoCares, 

I don't really know what I wanted to get out of this forum but I guess just someone to talk to and to let the stuff that i keep inside to let it out a bit and to actually tell someone what is going on. Thank you for replying and caring it really means a lot and helps a lot to know that someone does care.

I try not to blame myself and I know it's not my fault but it does hurt me and take a toll on me to see someone in my family hurt themselves and go through this, they have been in and out of hospital for a few years trying to get help with her problems.

I just feel bad about my problems hurting her and that's why I kind of blame myself for what is wrong with her, i guess the pain won't go away if i stop telling her becauseIi know it hurts even more when someone you care about is hurting and you can't help because you don't know what is wrong, she is one of my main supports in life and I do try to keep her in with what is going on it just becomes hard with that things aren't perfect in our relationship we fight a lot and things really just haven't been great in the relationship lately but we are trying to work our problems out. 

As I said in reply to Ben-RO, I have been to a doctor about the anxiety but that didn't really help, I have been to a doctor many times about the stomach ulcers and I have had and endoscopy performed before (surgeons put a camera down into your throat into the stomach) when they did that they found three large stomach ulcers, since then I have been put on medication to try and control the amounts of stomach acid that my body is producing but even with all this and the pain from the ulcers and the anxiety I'm still throwing up quite a few times a week and always feeling sick, I have tried talking to people about the eating but it never really helps I am just now starting to force myself to eat more and to try and put on more weight. 

With the anxiety, I don't really have any specific strategies for dealing with it, its something I have almost learnt to live with but I do have a few strategies, when possible I try to surround myself with my friends who can take my mind off things, if friends aren't around I'll play with my dogs or go and work on my car (i enjoy working on cars like restoring them and stuff) otherwise I try to listen to music or I listen to some ASMR to try and calm me down. Thank you for the link I will have a look at it. 

Also thank you so much for the kind words and the help it really means so much to me to know that you care and listen and take the time to reply it really means so much to me. 

 

Thank you so much, I'm trying to.

Thank you so much, Jubby.

 

Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hey Jubby,

I hope you know that on these forums there is always going to be someone who cares about you whether that's me or one of the RO guys or someone else there'll always be a helping hand when you need some support so don't ever hesitate to post here whenever you're feeling down or something goes wrong.
I know it must be hard for your sister, but just be there for her and take care of yourself as well as looking out for her and I'm sure eventually things will get better, so long as you both have a support network of people. Just don't forget about yourself. You are always your first priority no matter what.
How long have you and your girlfriend been together? Please, whatever you do, don't blame yourself for her hurting. If you really want to help her, you have to first help yourself, and let her help you too. If you want the relationship to continue, as I'm guessing you do from the message, then you and her both have to work together to sort everything out. I know you're not asking for relationship advice but I would recommend a very clear line of communication between you and her. It's true, communication is the key to every problem.
Oh ouch that sounds nasty! All you really can do with your stomach I guess is just try and eat foods that are less acidic (no coke or oranges!) because I'm sure you don't want to be adding more acid to your stomach. Also trying to eat the most you can would probably be a good idea, i I believe having more food in your stomach will help counteract the acid? ...I'm not a doctor though so don't let me tell you what to do I'm just trying to think about this logically and help you out. But if you can try to minimise the anxiety that will probably help the most. What events/actions/etc. are usually triggers for your anxiety, do you know?
They're all really good strategies, and I'm glad you have something to keep your mind busy. What about when it hits hard though? Do you have some way to "pull yourself out" metaphorically, from the anxiety attack? Definitely listening to music or ASMR (I just googled it, it sounds weird but really cool) sound like really good techniques, and you just need to focus on shutting down your mind, shutting out all the bad stuff and focusing on the good as much as you can.

Thank you for your reply, sorry I am not so good at replying I am very busy with life and school and everything at the moment but I will do my best to reply when I can. Just don't forget that you're loved and cared about by a lot of people.
SomeoneWhoCares x

Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hey SomeoneWhoCares, 

thank you, that was actually something I was kinda worried about when posting for the first time that nobody would reply, but it's good to know that there is always someone here to talk to. 

Yeah it is hard for her, I'm trying to be there as much as possible while taking care of myself but I guess I do forget about myself at times, eventually everything will be okay, i try not to forget about myself but sometimes I do forget to make sure I'm okay.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years. I try not to blame myself for her hurting, I have been trying to help myself and to let her help me but just sometimes it doesn't end up helping either of us and we will both just get hurt from it. I do want to continue the relationship (I'm not really the type of person to give up on something or someone) although it gets really hard at times, I guess communication is something we need to work on a little more like being more open about our feelings with things instead of keeping them on the inside. I agree with you about needing a clear line of communication and it is something that I will try to get us to work on making. That is true that communication can fix a lot of problems. 

Yeah it's not too fun but I guess it's something I have learnt to live with for the moment and learnt to deal with always wanting to be sick and stuff. Yeah I have to try and start eating less acidic food to help settle it down, when I eat acidic food it often upsets my stomach a lot. I am trying to start eating more food, I have started eating more but its still probably not enough to balance out by body, Eating more does help balance out the stomach acid but its just trying to eat more I start to run into a problem like as i eat it starts to make me feel sick, not for any reason I know of but I'm just assuming that it's maybe from having more food in my stomach because my body is so used to having nothing in it that maybe my body thinks there is something wrong...? minimising the anxiety and stress seems to help a lot with the acid because as you get anxious or stressed your body creates more stomach acid meaning more pain for me. Some of the triggers for my anxiety would be school, and being around people, and worrying about the future and stuff. With school I tend to get more anxious around exam time and pretty much just school in general, with people sometimes in social situation's I can get pretty anxious, and about the future just like finishing school soon and moving out of home soon. 

I try to use those strategies whenever possible, I try to keep myself as busy as possible because when I'm not doing anything that's when things seem to get worse, when it hits hard I don't really have anything to pull me away from it I just try to listen to music or play guitar or just metaphorically "lock myself down" and tell myself I'll be okay and try to just take my mind from it as much as possible. I try to listen to music as much as possible, and the ASMR I mainly listen to that when I am going to sleep to try and calm my mind so i can sleep, some of ASMR can be weird but some of its really cool and relaxing and actually pretty helpful, it's something I find that can calm me a lot. I do my best to shut things out of my mind as much as possible and to just focus on the good things in life. 

 

Thank you so much for replying it really means so much to me. that's okay about replying I understand and I'm sorry if I take time to reply because of school and everything. Thank you. I'll try not to forget.

Thank you so much, Jubby. 

Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hey Jubby,
There is always someone who cares, please don't forget that.
I get what you mean, but you can't forget about you and about looking after yourself first and foremost.
Wow so you guys are pretty solid. I'm impressed! I know it can be hard but you just have to do your best and trust that in the end things will work out. Does she want the relationship to continue? Are you both happy in the relationship? The thing is, when things are hard you both need to be 100% committed to making things work and on things getting better or else it won't work out. If you want some tips just do some research and I'm sure the wide world of google will be able to help you out.
Ouch I'm really sorry for your stomach problems, I know it must be really hard for you, but just keep trying and it'll get better eventually. What you need is some support networks to help you get there. Have you ever considered seeing a counsellor for your stomach issues? I know it might seem useless, but just having someone there to talk to and who supports you can be really comforting and helpful.
As far as school goes, I'm not really sure how to help with this one, you just need to I guess change your overall mindset on how you view your school and friends, and make it a positive thing somehow. Those strategies are all really great though, and I'm glad you have that.

I hope everything gets better, feel free to contact this forum if at any time you are feeling overwhelmed.
SomeoneWhoCares x
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Re: not coping with things anymore.

Hi Jubby,

Following on from what Ben-RO has said and you reply to him. From my experience finding a psychologists that fits for you is like trying to find a nice t-shirt, 1) that fits you and 2) you feel comfortable in. If that makes sense.

So maybe if you feel comfortable, go back to your doc and ask if you could be referred to someone else as the previous person didn't really help and you are still struggling? Also if you do decide to see someone make sure you let them know if something isn't helping you and they can try something else.

I did all different types of therapy before I found one that suited and started helping me with my anxiety.

How do you feel about this?