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sexual harassment?

Okay so i decided to explain what happened on New Year’s eve and maybe get some advice.

I was invited to a friend’s party and it was all going really well. As it came up to midnight a guy who i’d never met before kissed me (i was drunk and everyone was drunk or kissing) but i enjoyed it ... so we went upstairs and kissed some more and it was all going fine. That was until i realised how much i’d had to drink and started to feel really tired so i stopped before i did anything i would regret and lay down in a bed.  He then came in next to me and just hugged me which i found fine.

 

The next thing i know is that im opening my eyes and he’s on top of me, his hand under my bra on my breast and he’s also kissing my neck really hard it hurt. I wanted to say no and get away but i froze and i couldn’t move and then i blacked out again. 

 

I explained this to a friend and he was very kind and sympathetic and made sure i stayed away from this guy for the rest of the night but i feel sick thinking about it. I have little recollection of everything that happened which is scary, but i also don’t want to point fingers.

 

Can anyone give some advice? Thank you x

Re: sexual harassment?

Hi @Nancy1960, welcome to RO! 

I'm so sorry that you have gone through this experience, but it is very brave of you to be talking about it and trying to get some advice on your next steps, we are all here to support you ❤️

I too have been a victim of sexual assault, and can completely understand the fear and feeling of sickness which comes with it... but it sounds like you are being a very strong person, who wants to move forward from this incident.

 

I am very happy to hear your friend was able to be by your side and support you throughout the night, and keep you protected. Have you been able to talk to him afterwards about your feelings right now? You may not want to point fingers, but he can perhaps help you identify who you identified on the night, since he kept you away from him afterwards.

 

If you don't mind me asking, can you remember how long you blacked out for after you woke up the first time, and noticed this guy's actions? 

I ask this as it is an important step in beginning to try piece together your recollections, though I truly understand how difficult it may be to think about.

 

In terms of what steps to take, I would firstly recommend contacting 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). It's a 24 hr national hotline for people who have been sexually (or otherwise) harassed, and they will not only listen to your situation, but also give you the correct next steps to address how to start healing from it, physically and mentally.

This is their website if you'd like to read a bit more about it: https://www.1800respect.org.au 

 

I understand that it may seem a bit overwhelming, but I hope this advice helps. We are always here to talk x

Re: sexual harassment?

Hi @Nancy1960, it took courage to share your story with us, so thank you. You're definitely not alone, I've had similar things happen to me and I know my friends have as well. You set out clear boundaries with this guy as to what you felt comfortable doing, and he didn't respect them. I'm so sorry that happened to you. In my experience, the part that made me the most uncomfortable was just not knowing what happened, and a little bit of hardwired guilt that I didn't speak up or move away from the situation. Then I felt bad for feeling guilty because I knew it wasn't my fault and ugh, a bit of a vicious circle of emotions there! Does any of that sound familiar with your experience?

 

I think it would be great for you to connect with a counsellor who specialises in sexual assault, and chat with them about how you're feeling and what options are open to you. It looks like you might not be based in Australia, which is where ReachOut is located, so I don't want to give you the contact details for any services that you won't be able to call. You might be able to find local resources through Google. 

Re: sexual harassment?

Hi there @ElleBelle

 

Thank you so much for the reply, it’s useful to know that i’m not alone and i would definitely say that i’ve also has some feelings of both guilt and confusion. I too would say that the worst part is not knowing fully what happened although i’m grateful i had other friends there to look out for me. 

 

I’m not currently in Au but a friend has given me contact details of a local councillor... however i’m not sure if i’m going to chat with them yet. 

 

Once again, thanks so much.

Re: sexual harassment?

Thank you for the comforting reply and advice, i find it very helpful. 

 

To answer your questions, i have briefly spoken to my friend who stayed with me for the rest of the night and he advised me to actually find some ways to chat with other people in the same situation. But he said he’d never met this “guy” before & i don’t think he knew how else to help me out (although him staying with me the whole night was honestly was such a relief).

 

As to when i blacked out, i don’t think it was for very long (maybe 5 mins) but all i can remember is waking up to this person on me and trying to undress me because i’d had my shirt tucked in, but now it was undone and his hands were touching me.

 

i’ve also spoken to a close female friend and just talking to her was very helpful.

 

Thanks again for the advice x

Re: sexual harassment?

Sorry @Nancy1960, I didn't realise you weren't based in Aus. If you feel comfortable enough to talk to others who have been in similar situations, I think that is a good idea - have you found any such sources of support?

It is really good to hear your friend from that night is continuing to be there for you, and support you through these difficult feelings, and that you've felt comfortable enough to tell your close female friend as well ❤️

 

You're being very strong in talking out about this incident, but it is completely understandable that it's difficult to discuss it with a counsellor, when it is such a private matter. I'm really glad to hear you've still considered this option, and have the details, that's very proactive of you.

How are you feeling today?

Re: sexual harassment?

hello @Nancy1960 and welcome to RO

 

i am too a victim of SA and it has many associated feelings surrounding it for sure. im really glad you have spoken to people about it though and are supportive of you. im not sure of services outside aust though so im not much help in that department but maybe you could try the service your friend has given to you?

 please feel free to keep talking to us here though

 

also when speaking to a specific person if you type in the @ symbol, names will pop up and you can click on them and they will get the notification that your talking to them. 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: sexual harassment?

Honestly today’s been worse than the other days and it’s hard to stop thinking about it and i also keep doubting myself or trying to remember details which becomes tiring. 

 

However, i’ve been trying to keep myself busy which is helpful and i’m hopeful that it will get easier. 

 

Thanks again @sweet_baking

Re: sexual harassment?

@scared01 Thank you very much for the reply, it’s great to have some support and other people who understand how i might be feeling. 

 

Im definitely considering using the contact details my friend gave me but i’m still unsure and worried it may not help.

Although i’m not in Aus at the moment i will hopefully be going back soon and I feel that spending time with old friends will be a big help in itself. 

 

Many thanks Smiley Happy

Re: sexual harassment?

I can completely understand that, and am sorry today has not been easier to handle Smiley Sad

Have you been able to talk with your close friends who know at all? Sometimes that communication alone can help you feel better in the moment.

 

Being busy is an excellent way of keeping yourself going, I think it is yet another indication of how strong you are! 

If you don't mind me asking, are you trying to avoid the thoughts completely? Sometimes it's better to slowly let them be released with some professional help instead of suppressing them continuously... have you given more thought to seeing your local counsellor?

 

We're always here to talk, you're welcome Smiley Happy