Hey guys, i know this has been done a thousand times but i could never find anything specific enough for me to stop being so OCD about this but anyways im a sexually confused 18 yr old virgin male and i just cant decide on whether im bi, straight or gay, ive been confused for about 2 years now and its only gotten worse and worse, up until 16 i never used to question my sexuality, i always felt straight always looked at girls asses always had fun with my mates always felt normal but i moved schools two years ago and ever since it hasn't been the same.
For my whole life i've known i was rather flexible but overall straight and it never bothered me and i never doubted myself because of some experiences I had as a child.
Fast forward to 2016 and all i pretty much watch is straight porn, lesbians and cartoons, nothing gay until i started experimenting with futanari porn and then gradually transsexual porn, i really enjoy transsexual porn but afterwards i always loose interest unless im super excited or just bored, i never have sexual fantasies like ever or even wet dreams like literally maybe one or two aside from that nothing, i think its because i masturbate too much but anyways i went to a party recently and i saw a guy and thought he looked kinda cute but he wasn't too interested in me so i didn't do anything but i was willing to at least kiss him just to see how i felt and that really creeped me out, i also had a girlfriend a few months ago and i made out with her and touched her tits and got erect and when she rubbed my dick through my pants i got excited but when it actually came time for us to hook up and move on from just mucking around and she actually started stroking me i lost interest and kinda moved away from her in the moment but when i think about it im excited which is really confusing, she has gay friends and i casually asked her if she thought i was gay and she said no which confuses me cause another girl who has a gay brother said i might be gay in the future cause i made fun of gay people, lol.
When i go to parties and hook up with girls i never feel much unless we get really physical which is only if she allows it cause my sexual confusion makes me really shy, i never care about the girls i hook up with, i feel nothing not good not bad just meh and all the girls ive ever been with they persued me and basically threw themselves at me cause i was a conveniant looking guy not cause they even care for me as a person or anything and im rarely into it i just look into thier eyes half way through and see how into it they are and im only excited when were moving forward aswell sometimes when im with my guy friends i get this wierd feelin in my penis that makes me wonder if its attraction or anxiety cause any time i feel like a guy has given me special attention or understands me i always get this wierd anxious feeling around them and it really messes with me, if i think about it it gets worse but after a while i relax and forget about it like everything is normal.
I dont have a problem with bieng gay but so long as its clear and makes sense but this doesnt ive liked so many girls and experienced too much in my life time and i wonder if i even know what liking someone is or what attraction is i know when a girl is attractive but unless her attention is directed at me i dont get hot or aything yet i do get hot if i see a guy and i think hes attractive but i wonder if thats just anxiety cause i never used to feel this way, i like muscly guys purely aesthetically i used to draw muscly guys all the time i like the look and always felt like i was imagining a sexier version of myself when i drew them but it never like turns me on and ive generally not looked at any of my friends sexually except when that wierd feeling comes up, if i see a mans face or general body other than penis in porn its always a turn off i just dont get it women dont arouse me much now either, i like theyre attention though and i always look at them and like eye contact and i know when a girls attrative but im never turned on unless were intimate so i wonder what im looking at and i try and find my inner gay but i never can, everytime i feel gay is when i want to hurt myself emotionally cause i feel bad but if i feel happy about myself i feel like im just me.
Ive learned to cope with it by saying my attraction simply comes and goes but still im very confused, why does it never work out with me and girls, why am i always a rebound, why did the thought of having sex with my gf at the time repulse me like it made me feel like id rather sleep than go and meet her i was so anxious i just wanted to leave but when i got there i was into it but then we move further and im not into it again, whats wrong with me, all my friends are straight and preety good with girls and im always the odd one now, still a virgin, doesnt like hooking up with girls at parties much, never satisfied, never know what i want, the idea of getting pussy is kinda cringe to me simply cause i dont know what to do or even what i want, why me, why do i still look at girls, why cant i stop, why do i not get aroused or feel anything when i look at them other than anxiety or butterflies i guess, i dont even talk to girls or most of my friends anymore, i have 0 girlfriends now, my ex tried to be my friend but i just pushed her away cause its too cringe, shes also bi and experimenting herself, why am i always intrested in girls i can never get and when i actaully think about what ill do once i have them its nothing vice versa with guys too, i have done so many am i gay tests and i always get bisexual and less than 30% gay but i know most bisexual people come out as gay cause thier indenial and i dont know if im in denial, ive watched a few coming put videos and i feel like im destined to be homo and become a whole new person who will finally be happy with life and start thier new gay life and i feel like my life wouldnt be mine at that point, the thought doesnt make me happy and its scary cause i dont even trust my own feelings anymore i simply cant tell what i feel anymore, i mean if im gay why can i watch a woman masturbate and look at them all the time and if im straight why can i watch trannies and can find a guy attractive im bisexual and yet im on and off all the time its just so confusing i say right then lets be gay when i feel what i consider is gay and then i instantly get turned off i feel nothing at whatever excited me in the first place, when i really try get into it no matter where i focus i loose intrest i tried going the opposite way but even thats confusing i dont know, i see a shirtless man and im like hey... i see a girl in leggings or a tight dress and im like hey.. i focus on it and intrest is lost i just dont get it, nothings clear thats what i hate its all foggy, if im gay i wanna be 100 hundred percent without denial and if im straight no exceptions just a clear attraction to something and not too mention im also confused about my masculinity but thats a lot easiar to fix, sorry this is so long, hope its clear, if no one reads this no worries dont lame you...
Re: sexually confused
Sounds like this is a pretty intense issue for you right now! as frustrating as it is, it's totally okay to be a bit confused about it all.
You mention wanting to be either 100% gay or straight, and that seems to be causing you a lot of anxiety as you don't sit at either extreme, am I right? Is there a reason why you feel you have to be either one or the other? Of course it's totally up to you how you label your sexuality, but I know a lot of people who use the bisexual label and so it's perfectly okay if that's where you sit too.
Have you heard of QLife? They're pretty awesome at helping people deal with this stuff. I'll also tag a few other members who are LGBT+ (Personally, I'm straight, and so they might be able to give better support and advice than I can )
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
Re: sexually confused
@Taine welcome to the forums, you've found a friendly and supportive place.
You definitely seem to be going through a struggle with your sexuality, which is actually pretty common for your age (actually, it's just pretty common), so please know that you are not alone. There are some people who never find their label, and some who just don't want one - so don't stress if you haven't yet settle on which one you want/need.
It is also quite common not to feel constantly turned on by everyone you come across. For many, being turned on relies upon being with the right person, and 'hooking up' isn't for them. So your nervousness/anxiety and lack of desire could be a case of you not having met the right person yet.
I like @lokifish's suggestion that you check out QLife, that may be really helpful as you sort through all your thoughts and feelings.
Also, no matter where you land on all of these issues, here's a guide to safe sex that might be helpful.
Seen something fantastic on the forums?