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what am i meant to do?

I am going through quite a lot at the moment. 

 

I have anxiety, mild depression and panic disorder and my stress levels are through the roof. 

 

Two weeks ago it all got a bit much for me and i self harmed. 

 

I have told one person, I didn't want to tell them but they fought hard to get it out of me what was going on and after seeing their reaction I never want another soul to know. 

 

My best friend used to self harm and she doesn't know. I am scared that if she finds out she is going to get really mad at me and that is the last thing I want. 

 

I have only done it again once since the first time, and it has taken a lot of self talk and motivation to even keep it to that minimal. 

 

If my parents find out I will lose all trust with them and if others find out I feel like I am going to be so badly judged because I know how the kids at my school have judged people whom have self harmed in the past, I just don't know what I am meant to do. 

 

Talking to someone is not an option. 

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

 

Youngster...

Re: what am i meant to do?

Hey Youngster,

 

It sounds like you really are going through a tough old time at the moment – but you also seem very self-aware and focused on getting better.

 

You seem concerned about other people knowing that you are self-harming, and it sounds like the experience of telling one of your friends was pretty horrible for both of you. I think you are right, telling your friends may not be the best move – but telling an adult you trust would be a great move. You said your parents would “lose all trust in you” if they found out, but I suspect they would just be so relieved you had told them so they could help you. If you really don’t think you can tell your parents, is there maybe a school counsellor or a cool teacher you could talk to? Even if you don’t feel comfortable about talking about self-harm initially, maybe you could talk to someone more generally about depression and anxiety, then talk about self-harm later on when you build up some trust.

 

I also think you should do some reading about the causes of self-harm and the sort of things that you can do to try and avoid it. This link would be a great place to start: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

 

So don’t be ashamed, what you are going through at the moment is really tough, but it’s not uncommon. You are not alone!!!!! 

Re: what am i meant to do?

Hey Youngster,

I'm sorry to hear things are so crappy at the moment.

I understand that you don't want to upset your friend but I'm sure she'll really just want to support you as best she can. And if she doesn't self-harm anymore she might have some great tips on how you can stop yourself from self-harming. I don't think she'll be mad, I think she'll just be concerned and upset that you feel you have to harm yourself to cope.

It's important that you get some professional help for yourself too though. Talking to a parent or a counsellor would be a great step to take!

I'm sorry that the person you told didn't react very well, but luckily not everyone will react in that way!

Can you try talking to your school counsellor?

It's really important that you find some other ways to cope... Some things that have helped others are listening to music, drawing, crying into a pillow or doing some exercise when they feel the urge to self-harm.

Take care,

MM

Re: what am i meant to do?

Hello there,

 

Sounds like you've hit a bit of a rough trot.  I know how hard it can be to deal with the need to self harm and talking to people about it.  For me though, I tend go for a run and absolutely pound the pavement.  This isn't actually good for me as I have a chronic knee condition, but I'm so adamant about defying the injury and what it has done to me.

How about next time you feel the need, or urge.  You stop, take a moment and realise that it's not you who really wants to do it, but your unconscious state and your ego.  Or like some other people have suggested.  Try an alternate activity.  Even if that's scribbling profusely on a piece of paper or canvas.  Or exercising, but obviously if you have no prior health conditions.

 

All the best. Smiley Happy

Re: what am i meant to do?

hey youngster - just wondering how the last few weeks have been for you?