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Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

@KitKat I completely agree. At first I was like, no way would I post personal stuff about myself on a forum, but boy have I changed my tune!

Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

@Bronte9 Some 'friends' can be awful, others are wonderful. I'm sorry to hear that you've had a crappy experience opening up to a friend Smiley Sad Other friends just may not be in a position to support you - whether this is because they don't have as much experience with what you're going through, or that they're having to deal with their own life struggles.

 

This doesn't mean that they're bad people though. It just means that they're there for you in their own way - like hanging out, gossiping, and doing cool things. This also doesn't mean that you cut them out of your life either because in many ways, we need these sorts of friends. 

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Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

@brone9 the obvious answer would be that the friend who laughed at you isn't a friend who will stick by you in the tough times.... but I recently came to realise that each friend can give me something different. If one friend gave useverythung we need, we wouldn't have other friends!

Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

Oh it's okay really. We are all such a rainbow bunch that I never hold it against any of my friends if they don't support me the way I want to be supported. I learned from my first serious longterm relationship years ago, that significant others and close ffriends are certainly no mindreaders!! Smiley Tongue

Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

@Bronte9 I must admit I think it's a really good thing that we have resources like Reach Out & Lifeline! While our friends can be really great for 'fun things' and making 'good memories', some of them just don't have the skills or knowledge to help us when we need. I also definitely think anonymous sources are really good for topics that might be "controversial" or have a "stigma" like abortion, getting help for alcohol / drug issues or getting advice on sexuality.  

 

I think putting up that "front" like you said is sometimes necessary for maintaining friendships but in saying that, I think at the end of a day a really good friend should be able to put aside any personal values and beliefs that they have an offer actual support to their friends in need regardless of any issues / conflict. If they can't do that and offer you the support you need then perhaps they aren't that great of friend in the first place.

 

Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

How do we know that you should take some time out for ourselves?

When you're in a bad funk - tired, cranky, frustrated and/or the situation just seems the same. This shouldn't be mistaken for giving up though. Looking out for and helping someone can be really exhausting, so it's good to take some time out for yourself. In my experiences, helping out a friend is usually met with a lack of appreciation or a quick realisation that they would probably never do the same for you. That doesn't mean that you put blame on that person - but rather that you did what was right. And what's right for you right now is taking a break. 

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Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

@copse The internet is an amazing (if sometimes scary / gross) place! Being anonymous definitely can create a bit of courage when it comes to sharing things you wouldn't normally share. Plus, I absolutely  love when you post something that your real life friends think is kind of weird / strange and then someone on the internet replies "HEY I DO THAT TOO!", haha.

Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

How do we know that you should take some time out for ourselves?

 

When the battery starts running low.... getting a bit tired, cranky, out of sorts, stressed, anxious, or down in the dumps.

 

I love the technique i learned of really listening to what's going on in your body and feelings - if you experience the nigglies, to check what's going on in your head, what are you worrying about or thinking about. Usually identifying those unhelpful or negative thoughts gives me an AHA moment to go run a lovely warm bubble bath, get out of the house and pop to the shops and stop somewhere for a quick snack, or go for a run outside under the trees.....

 

 

Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

@Myvo I love that you added not to put the blame the person, even if you're finding it stressful or even upsetting trying to offer your friend help, playing the blame-game doesn't help anyone!

 

Taking that time out for yourself is important. If you're in a bad mood yourself then you and your friend might just bounce negative vibes off one another ):

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Re: [CHAT] How to help a friend

I love that too, KitKat, to discover "you are not alone"!! Smiley Very Happy