[CHAT] I failed? It ain't easy

[tsnyder]

I hear you @jvkn, but that stuff doesn't work. I swear I've tried a lot of different approaches and it's pretty pointless. I feel like I've just got to let them make their own mistakes.

How do you feel about this @j95?

[chandelier]

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@tsnyder wrote:

okay so next q:

7. How can you help a friend who is feeling like they failed learn from their 'failure'?

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it's hard to see friends when they are down but i think all the things we ahve said tonight are good for our friends... in fact it's probably easier to support friends that support ourselves some times...

but...

- just listen... & be there

- do nice things together...

- dont minimise the frustration

- remind them that their human and it's human to fail - we are not perfect.

- Encourage them to look to the positive side & oipportunities to grow

- Remind them that the only real failure is to give up too soon.

[FootyFan26]

7. How can you help a friend who is feeling like they failed learn from their 'failure'?

• Tell them that everyone makes mistakes
• Help them look on the positive side of the situation
• Try to resolve the issue if able to.  eg. say sorry
• Help them leave it behind
• Make it a bit more personal and maybe ask them to do it for you

• Reassure them that Tony Abbott is much more of a failure than them! 

[jvkn]

@tsnyder that's true, i guess as a friend, let them make their own mistakes, all you can do is wait to catch them when they fall

[tsnyder]

bloody oath @jvkn, that's the truth

[Ben-RO]

7. How can you help a friend who is feeling like they failed learn from their 'failure'?

 For me I think about 3 steps:

1.Be with them where they're at; acknowledge the feelings and what they're going through, have a big listen! How does the person see things, is it even a failure to them? How big a deal is this to them?

2. Start exploring; help your friend think a bit bigger, I like this concept called blue sky thinking where you think about the best possible outcomes, time machines are allowed. But keep thinking past that (unless you have a time machine handy)

3.Put it in perspective, and set some goals to move on; There's always something to learn an there's always new things to learn and explore, help them figure out where they want to go next and the steps they need to take to get there!

@FootyFan26 If only I could give you more High 5's!

[j95]

@tsnyder I wish I could let them make their own mistakes but I'm too much of a control freak and when I do go to talk to them they get defensive and question why I care so much. It's a difficult conversation to have, especially being 20ish year old makes it's "not cool" to have these important conversations.

[tsnyder]

Okay everyone, last 2 questions! Firstly:

8. allowing ourselves to fail can help us build resilience, and learn from our mistakes instead of being doomed to repeat them... can you think of one thing you can do this week to have a go and take a risk, instead of playing it safe and perhaps achieving less?

[tsnyder]

@j95 I actually could not vibe with you any more than I currently am. 

it can be very inconvenient for people to hear when they might have a problem, but sometimes it's important to remember to focus on what we can control.  As @jvkn said, as their friend sometimes you have to let them make their own decisions, but also be there when they need you. 

[j95]

Trueeee @tsnyder @jvkn