[CHAT] I failed? It ain't easy

[tsnyder]

Dealing with failure...

“… the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.  The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.” – de Coubertin, 1908 (Founder of the Modern Olympic Games)

What is ‘failure’?  How, specifically, does one ‘fail’?  In a society that often promotes comparison and competition, it is hard not to dread ‘failure’.  In a materialistic sense, failure sees you obtain less.  Perhaps it causes you to have less money, ‘followers’, ‘likes’, accolades, or just less ‘things’ in general.  Feelings of hopelessness, inferiority, despair, and/or shame, can arise when we set our heart to something and then come up short.  Perhaps you didn’t get the grade you were hoping for? Perhaps you missed out on that role?  Maybe you didn’t make the team you aspired to make? 

So now what?

As a wise old man once told me, life is not about the end, but the journey.  Applying this logic, it should be clear that one cannot fail if meaning is given to what was experienced and what was learned, both the good and the bad.  Failure is a point-of-view; no one can tell me that I have failed, only I can make that determination.  And as long as I have stayed true to myself, acknowledged my mistakes, my achievements, and applied myself fully, then I have not failed.  For me, real failure would arise if I were so focused on achievement that I missed out on the rest of life.

So when I don’t achieve a goal I desired, I do not examine the negatives without acknowledging the positives.  In this sense, I can’t fail.  I can only learn, and learning is good.  Learning helps me guide my behaviours in a way that benefits others, more than it used to.  Truly, without my failures, I would be worse off.  Seems backwards from what you would normally think, huh?

So that’s my spiel.  How do you feel about failure?  Do you fail?  What are your coping strategies and approaches when you don’t achieve the goal you yearned for?  Failure is a sharp word and one that is definitely worth talking about, so your opinion should be heard!

[tsnyder]

Good evening fellow RO members!

Tonight we will be talking about failure, what we know about it and how we feel about the issue! How do you feel about failure?

The session will be facilitated by @jvkn, @Ben-RO, and myself!

Please remember to have a look at the community guidelines if you haven’t already! If you feel like you need to talk to someone at any time, you can check out the emergency help resources.

[jvkn]

It can be hard to talk about failures without talking about success so here’s our first Question:

How do you define success? Do you think success is the opposite of failure?

[tsnyder]

@jvkn awesome way to start the conversation!

How do you define success? Do you think success is the opposite of failure?

For me success is when I have been true to myself.  It is not dependent on the outcome

[tsnyder]

That being said, it also feels realllllly good when I achieve something I have set my mind too.  Tough question!

[Ben-RO]

Hi everybody! 
For me success is about learning, because I learn a lot when i fail, i succeed a bit too! 

[tsnyder]

@Ben-RO yeah that's interesting! So basically if you learn, are you saying that you can't fail?

[jvkn]

@tsnyder that's a good point, for me success is achieving my own goals that i set out 

[tsnyder]

so for @Ben-RO its more subjective and about growth and learning, but for @jvkn it's more or an objective and achievement oriented definition? Is this correct?

[FootyFan26]

Success for me is the feeling of completion or achievement and it can be really small or really big. I feel like sometimes success can be shared or you can be the only one that sees that event as a success.

I don't think failure is the opposite of success because in my opinion you can learn more from failure than success and I feel like the lessons learnt from failure stick more than any others I've learnt.

Saying that, people can also say you've failed when you actually haven't and that has taught me some pretty bad habits.