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Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

What are some of the symptoms of depression that you think you might notice in a friend (or in yourself)? We'd love to hear personal stories if you have them!


I think the obvious one is withdrawing. Most people I know who have had episodes of depression, have withdrawn from their friends, they don't go out with them and when they do, they are disengaged and uninterested. This can cause BIG problems for the person suffering from depression as they often lose friends because they don't understand which is really tough. This is what happened to me in high school. 

 

There are so many different symptoms though and everyone is so different. For example, some people eat less whereas others eat more, some sleep more, others sleep less. Everyone is so different!

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

Approaching a friend can be tricky, I think the important thing is to not go into the conversation with your judgement made - just go in with the thought that "I'm worried, I care". Be open and ask questions - don't tell your friend what you've decided is going on.

 

Here are some tips: http://au.reachout.com/Helping-a-friend-with-depression

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

It definitely is quiet tonight. Feel free to join in guys! Smiley Happy We'd love to hear your opinions/personal stories/thoughts.

 

How might you approach someone you care about if you're concerned that they're experiencing depression? What kinds of things would you say or not say?


You definitely have to be careful about how you approach this conversation. Especially as the person might be very confused and unsure what is going on, they mightn't be ready to understand that what they are feeling could be due to depression. They might also be embarassed and not want to worry anyone. 

 

I'd probably just keep it simple and say something like, "I've noticed lately that <insert symptom> and <more symptoms>, I was just wondering if you are feeling okay and if there is anything I can do to help? Maybe we could have a chat about what's going on and work out together how you can feel a bit better". 

 

I would make sure to do it in a quiet place away from other people (unless there were a few close friends who were also concerned) and make sure I let them tell me as little or as much as I like. I wouldn't put any unneccessary pressure on them. They mightn't want to tell me straight away but might come back later and tell me - which would be totally fine. Smiley Happy It can take a while for them to open up. Smiley Happy

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

How might you approach someone you care about if you're concerned that they're experiencing depression? What kinds of things would you say or not say?

 

Do

  • Ask them "Are you ok?"
  • Start a general convo over coffee with "Hey hows your day?" then casually say "I noticed you are bit stressed lately, I am here to listen."

Don't say

  • "Get over it mate, you will be fine."

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

Hi all,

I posted a message a few weeks ago about feeling crap. Well...unfortunately thos thoughts and feelings and the feeling of being overwhelmed cumulated last week and i tried to...OD on some painkillers. But I had a brief flash of reason and a voice telling me "Come on bro, you really don't want to do this" and i looked up to see a good friend of mine and screamed at him.

I ran at him and thrust the bottle into his hands, telling him not to give them to me. He called the ambulance and was the one who convinced me that I needed to reach out for help from people. He told me I was going to be okay and hugged me when I launched myself at him. I got treatment from the hospital and started the long journey to recovery. I had hope. Even though the pain still haunted me, I had hope I would get better.

Until today. I saw said friend at uni. He saw me. He ignored me and continued flirting with the girl he was talking to.
It stung like a mofo. And I felt myself slide quickly back into my black hole, with the voices telling me that he "Didn't care about me". I....why did i fall into the hole so easily? over something so...minute. it hurt more than i care to admit that he didn't even ask if i was okay and i understand that what happened was traumatic (most of my friends/family are still in shock) but  .. . . him and I have been through similar experiences. Similar pain. He understood why what happened had happened. To...feel that he doesn't care hurts....it feels like someone has ripped out my heart, stomped on it, stabbed, spit on it and thrown it off a 10-storey building before shoving it back in my chest.

 

 

 

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it


Hey guys! Haven't been here for one of these in a while and I'm late but, I'm here! Smiley Happy

 

We know that talking about this stuff can be upsetting for some people. What is one way you are going to look after yourself throughout this discussion?

Honestly, this stuff doesn't really upset me so I won't be doing much to look after myself throughout this aside from perhaps not answering any questions I don't feel comfortable with.

I've also got more positive things (such as Facebook convos) open in other tabs that can let me get a relief if things are a bit too negative.

 

We all have crappy days, but how we do know when what we are feeling is depression, and not just a crappy day or week?

 

I think the other responses to this have been pretty spot on. When things that would typically cheer you up simply aren't cheering you up; when you're aware that you're not feeling right but don't really want to admit to it; when you've been waiting for the feeling to pass for a longer time than just a bad day/week; when you don't want to put in any effort and everything really feels like effort; when you're noticing real changes in your daily life; when your negative emotions or no emotions at all are overwhelming constantly.

 

What are some of the symptoms of depression that you think you might notice in a friend (or in yourself)? We'd love to hear personal stories if you have them!

 

- Taking a more negative outlook on life.

- Not showing up for things, especially those which are usually enjoyed.

- Little clues like seeing sadder expressions more often and talking about things in a sadder way.

- Being more or less emotional than usual.

- When they pretty straight out talk about feeling really bad lately. 

- When they seem to be doing things in need of a distraction.  

 

How might you approach someone you care about if you're concerned that they're experiencing depression? What kinds of things would you say or not say?

 

I'm going through this dilemma a bit right now. I really don't know whether it's right for me to make such an assumption or how I could even ask about it or anything.

So far I've mostly said a few times that I'm happy to be vented to and hinted that I have some similar feelings/experiences with such feelings.

I've also made sure to never dismiss any of the talk of feelings.

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

Welcome to the discussion Birdeye!

Your responses were very informative. Smiley Happy

Sadder expressions is definitely one that I didn't think of straight away, but it's definitely true. My first major depressive episode was in high school, my mum was frequently told by teachers that I "looked" upset. And a few months ago, I found my year 12 school photo. I was ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED by my facial expression in the photo. It looked as though I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. It actually made me cry because I never realized how "depressed" I looked. It's not something you notice in the moment, but your face lets off so many of your emotions.

I like that you have hinted to your friend that you've had similar situations - I think knowing that you have been through similar situations can really help your friend open up to you. Smiley Happy Sounds as though you are doing everything right, birdeye. Smiley Happy You sound like a great friend.

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

Hey Tree welcome to RO and to GR.

It sounds like that really hurt what your friend did. Good on your for having hope tho. What are some things you are doing to help yourself tonight?

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

Hey Tree, I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult experience today. That really sucks so much that you felt so hurt by how your your friend reacted to you today.

First thing I wanted to say is, if you are feeling like acting on thoughts of suicide now - please call 1300 659 467 or webchat http://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

Second, you have been through so much and while you are on the road to recovery, you will face hurdles like you did today. Can you put yourself in his shoes at all? Think about what other reasons there might have been for him reacting like that. For me, when I put myself in his shoes, I can think of a few reasons - though it doesn't excuse his behaviour. He does care about you - I'm sure about that by how he helped you that day. But he might not know what to say to you now, or not known if you wanted him to talk to you - thinking that you might not want to be reminded of that day (for example). It could be a million reasons but one thing I am sure about is - it is not because he doesn't care.

Lastly, have you got ongoing counselling and support now? Can you make arrangements to talk to them tomorrow? What do you think they would say to you about your reaction today?

You've been through the darkest time and made it through and that shows that you are strong. Remember what you have learnt in your recovery and draw on your strength now...

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I'm feeling crap and there is nothing you can do about it

Alrighty, full speed ahead to the next question - Depression can get very serious, very quickly. What do you think are some ways to prevent things from getting to that point? What has worked for you or friends? 


I know if I feeling suicidal, I usually pick up the phone and call Kids Helpline at that point. What about you?