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Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

Can we control our feelings of happiness? Can we make other people happy?

 

This is such a difficult question. We can, up to a point. We can change our behaviour and challenge our thoughts to try and help ourselves, but I don't think we can 'make' ourselves happy. Same thing with other people, to me, no, I don't think you can make others happy. And I've spent too much time trying, trying to console people in my family in particular. Trying to make them happy. I literally went to therapy partly because I wanted to help my mum. Which I thought would make me happy. But I think it's not your job to make people happy. You can sit with them, you can be there for them, you can distract them, but I don't think you can MAKE them happy. And if you can it takes a lot of energy and can be so burdening Smiley Sad

 

Are there times when we ever want to make ourselves or others unhappy?

Yes, for me definitely. I don't want myself to be happy because I don't think I deserve to be. Or I think what's the point. And that can lead to avoidance and self-sabotaging behaviour. If there weren't times when we didn't want to make ourselves or others unhappy there would be a lot less suffering in the world. Unfortunately, yes we are human and there can definitely be times when we lose our cool, whether it be because of anger or hurt and wanting others to understand how they've hurt us. Or just we don't want to be the only ones who are unhappy. It happens. And that's okay. Because we all have been hurt and we all have hurt people (intentionally or not). Because we're human... I think we're hardwired to have all those emotions, like fear, anger, and sadness, that can lead us to do things we're not proud of. We just learn to manage them as we grow and learn. That's just my feeling about it though!

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

Ooh this is an interesting question! There are things we can definitely do to help regulate our emotions. For example, if we enjoy eating certain foods, then we can indulge in some tasty treats. And we can definitely make others happy! If we help others out, hang out with others and make them feel valued, they will appreciate your efforts. At the same time, I think I would be lying if I claimed to always make others happy Smiley LOL Sometimes, we unintentionally say or do things to happen, and that's okay! And sometimes, we feel unhappy, and that's okay as well. Although I don't go out of my way to feel unhappy, I don't try my absolute hardest to be the happiest person ever. I allow myself to feel unhappiness if needed, and let myself feel happiness as well!

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  That's so true. Sometimes, whatever we do is never enough for a person, despite all the sacrifices we may make trying, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that we've failed or haven't tried hard enough. You can't make someone feel something that they just can't feel for whatever reason. I also think it's important to have boundaries with regard to helping others. You can't support other people without first taking care of yourself.

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

@WheresMySquishy So true! And such a good quote, wow! Thanks for sharing! Smiley Very Happy

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

Haha I love that I went guns blazing saying yes there are times I want others to be unhappy Smiley LOL I mean less so nowadays but yeah I still get those knee jerk reactions of wanting revenge- I'm better at managing anger now though!

Mm that's so true as well @WheresMySquishy Smiley Happy We have to maintain those boundaries and look after ourselves first

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

Can we control our feelings of happiness? Can we make other people happy? Are there times when we ever want to make ourselves or others unhappy?

 

I don't think we can "control" our feelings of happiness where we can just switch it on and off at ease but we definitely have control over our perception of particular situations which could bring us happiness. In saying that though we do have control over our own actions that could bring us happiness, so if doing x makes me happy then I should do x more so that I can enjoy life more. I think we can make others happy sometimes little things we do have a major impact on others that we aren't aware of. For example, I really enjoy spending time with my friends even if we're just watching Netflix together it brings me happiness just having them there. Sometimes when I overthink or overanalyse I think that I'm doing it out of love for myself but really it's just a way of self-sabotage. 

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

I'm loving all these responses but i have to head off now! Excited to read the rest in the morning! Happy for you all

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

Thanks for joining the chat @sunnygirl606 Smiley Happy Good night!

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

Goodnight @sunnygirl606! Thanks for participating tonight! Smiley Happy

Re: Live GR: What is happiness? 2nd of December, 7:30pm AEST

Last question! Smiley Surprised

What are some ways we can cope with stress that arises from trying to manage our own and others experience of happiness?

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