cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Have you had any changes in your family that have had an impact on you? How did it make you feel at the time?

Probably around when I was four or five my my mum got divorced with my dad, my sister and I often got to see him on some weekends, we would see our Nan, pop, and uncle as well because they lived in the same house.

Then my mum got another divorce leaving her with my another two kids, my other two sisters. He was my step dad for about five years and was a major father figure I guess in that time of growing up.

Both times were terrible, it causes us to be constantly moving never really staying in one spot.

My pop then passed a few years after that which at the time didn't cause much sadness for me until about a year later. I was a bit confused how to feel at the time.

What caused big distress for me was when we had to move when I only had 1 semester until I graduated primary school, I was filed with anger towards my mum because I was blaming her for making us move and leaving all my friends that I knew from year three and graduate from a school I didn't want to go to.

I don't see or haven't seen my dad in years, he has issues with alcohol which is the reason my mum got divorced.

 

What did you do to cope with this change? What support is out there available to us?

I coped with every situation by keeping to myself I never really talked to my mum about it, I found it really difficult to talk to people about my problems and thoughts, I still do to this day. I also coped with it by getting very angry and crying, often breaking things or end up hurting myself unintentionally.

 

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

I just wanted to check in with you because that sounds like a really difficult time to go through with your family. Dealing with study stress, bullying and pressure from within your family is a lot to juggle. They say comparison is the thief of joy, but I totally get how hard it is not to compare yourself to others, especially if it's your own sister. 

 

Hey @Pasta 

 

Thank you for sharing the changes that your family have endured. It sounds like there were definitely some really tough times there. You mentioned that part of how you learnt to cope with this was to break things and sometimes unintentionally hurt yourself. I'm just wondering if you've ever spoken to anyone about that, or received any support for it? 

 

I just want to reiterate to take extra good care of yourselves today - thinking about difficult changes can be emotionally draining. We are here if these conversations have bought up some heavy emotions for anyone Heart 

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Thursday Time!

How can we keep open communication going through times of change in the family? Why is this so important? 

 

parks and recreation talk GIF




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're having a SLOW-MO Getting Real chat to do with Generational Differences, starting on Monday the 11th of November! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Hey @Bre-RO.
I’m okay, this topic isn’t as heavy as you think it is. I rarely feel compared anymore. I am safe, and have a good sense of when to take a break.

4. I haven’t really been able to communicate much to my family, because we keep to ourselves as often as possible. I know it’s important, because a good, happy family is one that knows how to express emotions and problems in an appropriate way.

Love the gif by the way, @ecla34!

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Playing a bit of catch up here, and to avoid posting one epically long reply, I'm going to respond to users here, and then post my answers to this weeks' questions Smiley Happy 

 

@Bananatime04  that sounds very tough to deal with! I'm sorry to hear that the feelings are still the same today as the day it happened. I am proud of you for making the decision to sit the rest of the GR out Heart

 

@Maryhadalittlelamb  sounds like you and your brother are very close. It is understandable to be feeling lonely since he's moved out. Do you sill feel close to him with the lesser contact?

 

@WheresMySquishy  you're a very caring and kind person. I'm sorry to hear your parents are in denial of the situation and seem oblivious to your needs.
I'm sorry to hear you've been denied work and volunteer roles due to your caring duties. That isn't nice, and I can imagine how hurtful and disappointing that would be.

 

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx that sounds so tough. I'm sorry to hear about all the stress with school. I never liked being compared to others, I'm my own person. I'm glad to hear that you don't feel compared to others as much now, that is good. Smiley Happy


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Have you had any changes in your family that have had an impact on you? How did it make you feel at the time?

At first, I struggled to see any change in my family, basically because I've been in a caring role for my mum for a very long time. But the last few years have seen lots of changes, from my injury and needing help with it (but not getting it), to recover from it, to my brother leaving school and after a while getting a job and having to help get him to and from work due to him not having his licence yet and being rural means no public transport apart from Taxi. (There is a small bus service outside of school drop-offs, but only during business hours and it's not used a great deal, probably because it's unknown to most people)

 

What did you do to cope with this change? What support is out there available to us?

Change can often be difficult to cope with, for me I find reflecting about what I'm finding difficult helps, be it by journaling privately, talking to a friend or helpline.

Supports: Reachout Forums! Kids Helpline, Lifeline, friends, family, pets

 

Do you have any advice/an experience you'd like to share about changes in your family?

I think the biggest piece of advice I can give is to look after yourself, lots of self-care and being mindful of what you need during the time. Change can be hard, and adjusting can be so challenging and if we're not giving ourselves space to acknowledge and feel all the emotions around it, it can make it extra hard.

 

How can we keep open communication going through times of change in the family? Why is this so important?  

Communication is important as we haven't figured out how to read minds yet Smiley Tongue 

In all seriousness though, we can't tell what someone is thinking or feeling by looking at them; sure sometimes we can take a guess that someone might be sad if they are crying, but we won't know why unless we communicate and ask them. 

I think a big part of keeping communication open is being willing to listen to others when they are speaking. And if you're the person struggling with the change, saying something in some way be it via text, email, written form or a drawing, can help open communication Smiley Happy


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Those are some awesome resources @WheresMySquishy ! Thank you so much for sharing them! I agree that the internet has lots of 'miracle recoveries', which kind of vary between being hope inspiring and being just way too good to be true, you know? It's hard to sift through! Glad that some of the information you've found has been helpful in explaining your own conditions and your family's. I think you're definitely right there, it seems like there's lots of variation depending on what kind of information/support you're looking for!

 

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx alllll the gifs! Smiley Very Happy 
I'm so sorry to hear that these transitions have been really hard to work through Smiley Sad It sounds like there was a lot going on all at once Heart How have you been finding the start of the new term? Big hugs your way! Heart

@Pasta having so many changes in such a short period of time sounds so so frustrating and really overwhelming Heart It sounds like it's left a lot of difficult emotions that are really hard to work through Smiley Sad Is there anything that helps when you're feeling upset and angry, that's a safer outlet for how you're feeling? I know some people do things like scream into a pillow as a way or releasing negative emotions, would something like that work for you? Heart

@Bee I agree with you times a million with everything you said about communication! We really run the risk of assuming we know how people are feeling and thinking when we're not communicating, and oftentimes we're not quite on the money with our assumptions! That's when really big misunderstandings start happening :/ Also really agree that it's just as important to listen as it is to be heard. Very frustrating talking to someone and having what you say go in one ear and out the other! 




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're having a SLOW-MO Getting Real chat to do with Generational Differences, starting on Monday the 11th of November! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart
Highlighted

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Last set of questions for this week's GR guys! It's been awesome hearing your thoughts/experiences! Heart It's not an easy topic for sure, so lots of hugs to you all xx

 

What can we learn from change? As a person and as a family?

 

and to end on a good note!

Has there been a big change in your family that's been positive? e.g. birth of a sibling Smiley Very Happy




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're having a SLOW-MO Getting Real chat to do with Generational Differences, starting on Monday the 11th of November! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

Aww too bad it's nearly over! But there have been so many detailed replies in this thread so that's awesome! Smiley Very Happy

 

What can we learn from change? As a person and as a family?

I feel like change is something that happens all the time in small amounts, whether it be a sibling going to a new school, or getting a new job. Sometimes there are dynamic changes in the family, like separations or moving away, and it's important for each person to find a way to slowly adapt to the change. Giving yourself time to adjust and process what's happening can help with family changes. For the family, I think a proper amount of mutual support and acknowledgement of the change can go a long way in helping everyone come to terms with it.

 

Has there been a big change in your family that's been positive?

I feel like me moving home after over 4 years has been a big change for my family, and it definitely was a big change for me. My home is now a lot more noisier than before with me there, but I think my family enjoys it. Smiley Very Happy

Re: SLOW-MO GR: Family Changes, 7th-11th October

@drpenguin I love that! Sounds like an awesome change coming home after four years! Smiley Very Happy Heart
I really like your comments there, about how change is always happening, whether big or small. Really good point about giving yourself the space and time you need to process and adapt to change, rather than forcing yourself to cope right away! Heart

If anyone's missed out on this chat during the week by the way, no stresses! You're more than welcome to keep chatting on this topic over the weekend too! Would love to hear what you all think! Heart




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're having a SLOW-MO Getting Real chat to do with Generational Differences, starting on Monday the 11th of November! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart