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Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

Hey everyone!

 

This coming Monday we're going to be starting our week long discussion on Loss

 

It's a heavy but also important topic that touches people's lives in different ways. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, or some other significant aspect of your life, it's something I know a lot of young people have experienced and continue to experience Heart

 

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For people who are coming across these chats for the first time, 'Getting Reals' are themed chats here on RO that provide an opportunity for us to share our different insights, experiences, and opinions with one another! As well as the care and support that this community is so good at! Heart So for the upcoming week, we'll be posting a question each week day to do with loss and how to cope with it- would love to see you all there Smiley Happy

 

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This topic is a really hard one, and if at all you find this conversation distressing or you feel like you need to talk to someone about any issue then you can also call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or use their webchat and email services found on their respective sites. The links can be found here. If you are new here then welcome! Have a quick peek at our community guidelines you can find them here!

 

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Hope to chat soon everyone! Smiley Very Happy Heart

 

 




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We had a live chat on Accessing Mental Health Support Online! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart
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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

Hey guys, Happy Monday Heart

First question for this GR Smiley Happy


What do you define as a loss?
What does loss mean to you?

 

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We had a live chat on Accessing Mental Health Support Online! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart
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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

Hey @ecla34 and others. Interesting thread.

 

What do you define as a loss?: Well it could be a loss of a friend and/or relative, so they're no longer in your life. This could be a few reasons, maybe there's something toxic, it depends. But that could count as a loss I guess, sometimes its for the best, with my personal experiences anyway. Loss can also be people passing away which I've also experienced.

 

What does loss mean to you?: People passing away so grieving mostly.

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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

@musicfan_xo  that's a great point about losses sometimes being for the best. We tend to frame discussions about loss in a negative light, but they can also be really great opportunities for growth if there's toxicity involved Heart

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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

Next question:

 

How did you deal with/cope during a loss you've experienced?

 

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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

Tagging those who are currently online in case you'd like to join in! Heart

 

@Tiny_leaf@Claire-RO @Nadine-RO  @Dream_State  @Blazingconfusion01  @SandraStauffer @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @musicfan_xo 

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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish
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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

Thanks for the tag!! 

This is one topic I am really feeling at the moment. I thought I would answer these questions all in one...Unfortunately from a young age I experienced the loss of loved ones, it was brutal. Looking back, though my family did their best I just didn't get the supported that i need both from friends and family and professionals. So for me dealing with loss is about seeing it as a puzzle and all the pieces are helpful, professional supports, hobbies, friends whatever it takes.  But something I have realised a lot this year with relationships ending and the whole covid never ending saga , is that loss does not just mean someone passes away, it can mean the loss of normality, of health, of relationships....it can mean so much and its important to actually grieve and not think that because someone hasnt passed away that shouldnt feel that loss and pain. Its valid and take your time however long it takes its unique to you!

 

 

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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

Throughout last year, I realised how 'loss' can mean many different things, and it took a long time for me to accept this, but eventually coming to terms with this really helped me bounce back after a very challenging year. I went through large amounts of change last year, in a range of different aspects of my life. Once I learnt to accept each aspect, no matter how big or small as a loss of some form, and grieve it individually it really helped me improve my mental health. For example whilst grieving the loss of a friend, I was also grieving the end of season for one of my sport teams which meant a great deal to me. It may seem as though a sport ending in comparison to losing a friend is in significant. But I believe learning to not compare between different experiences in your life, and managing them each individually is very important to allow yourself to fully process any range of experiences. 

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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

I’m interested in this thread @ecla34, thanks for the tag @lokifish! Smiley Happy

1. I’d have to agree with You all, @musicfan_xo, ecla, and lokifish!

I also think that loss can mean losing the sense of humanity, or feeling human. I know that I don’t feel human, especially with all these intrusive thoughts I have going on in my head. It could also be a loss of identity, of not sure who or what you are, including sexuality, and sometimes even what you want to be.
It can be in anything, including loss of motivation or interest, in things you enjoy or need to do.
Loss is definitely something else in this world, and it is very overlooked in most places.

2. I don’t have much of a good experience with this, particularly because I have never really recovered from what I have lost. I have lost my identity, in the way of who I want to be, but I have lost the real me in this ongoing process.

Loss can be a good thing, when its a toxic thing, as some of you said. But not just in relationships or friendships, but also when it comes to depression/anxiety/other similar thing. When you finally overcome it, you can think of it like a loss. But a good loss, where you can be free from a huge burden that you’ve been suffering for ages from.

I know I still have a long way to go, but I know that I can get there in the end. Smiley Happy
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Re: Slow-mo GR: Coping with Loss, 1-7th June

What do you define as loss: When something or someone that was important to you gets removed from your life

 

What does loss mean to you: Being painfully aware of the absence of something I once had... Some examples of times I've experienced that:

-family members dying

-pets dying

-diminished closeness in relationships/drifting apart (friendships and family relationships)

-someone who used to offer me professional services moving to a different job (teachers back in school, my old KHL counselor)

-losing/breaking objects that had special significance to me

-when something I partially based my identity on stopped being true (moving from primary school where I was consistently the highest academic achiever to high school where that wasn't the case any more, or believing I was strong enough to always be ok on my own then stopping being ok)

-no longer being able to connect with certain activities/communities (due to them just being temporary like camps, or me moving away)

-stopping trusting or respecting someone I'd previously held in high esteem

 

Coping with loss: I think allowing myself to feel what I'm feeling has been important, and being kind to myself through that. I think processing my feelings and experiences has also been helpful. Sometimes that's been just a short process (I lost the thing I liked. That's sad, I'll miss wearing it. I can handle it though). Sometimes it's been much longer (acknowledging how deeply I am hurting and how surreal everything else feels. Writing a poem saying goodbye. Reflecting how much good she added to my life. Sharing this at her funeral. Talking to people about how I'm feeling, and about her. Reminisce with others about her. Held a mini memorial each monthiversary of her death, just by myself with flowers in my garden, every month for a while). Sometimes finding a lesson or opportunity for growth amidst the loss has been valuable. I don't think there always is a lesson though. Some lessons/growth for me that came partially through loss: expanding my view of my identity realising it should have less to do with comparisons to others and aiming to do that less; understanding myself, my capacities, my coping methods, what I value and how I process things better; learning boundaries to put in place; realising my capacity to create/seek out similar experiences to the one that has ended; acknowledging and challenging a sense of entitlement I had in a particular situation. Part of the process for me is also eventually finding a way to continue on with my life, possible as a slightly different person, but still making goals and working towards them and trying to stay true to my values and seeking out positive experience. I think trying not to rush the process is important though.