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Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

Maybe feeling judged, that they other person will think less of you @Ben-RO which isn't ideal in a relationship
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

Pretty reasonable @j95

 

For me I think it's fear that what i want doesn't match with what they want, whether that be wanting more or less than them. For e.g they might not want something too serious, or they might want something really serious, and i might want the opposite. 

 

So my instinct is to not say anything for fear of stuffing up what i do have by saying the wrong thing. It's one of those cases where maybe my instinct is wrong, and it's better to be a bit more upfront even if it means you have to go back to swiping a little sooner. That's because I've decided telling people what i want is a way of showing them respect 

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

What are some of the things that make us a bit hesitant to just share what we're feeling up front? 

 

Maybe concern that the other person isn't feeling the same way and the relationships will end?

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

@Ben-RO thats very similar to what I was thinking, just struggled with the words.
It could be a fear that what you want doesn't match so things aren't going to work out and that can be pretty confronting and difficult to handle.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

Hmm, follow up question: It's pretty reasonable to be scared of losing a relationship (whatever type of relationship it is) that matters to you. But when does it become important to share how you feel and what you need and want? Is it okay not to sometimes? Or should you try and be as open and honest as possible? 

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Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

How is a gentle way to have this conversation, since it seems to be a pretty nervous one?

 

 

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

Where is the line between 'leading someone on' and simply giving the relationship time even though you think what you both want might clash? Is that when its time to have that important convo?
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

@Ben-RO great questions! I think it's definitely okay not to, as long as you aren't taking advantage of someone and you aren't allowing yourself to be used.  Got to respect ourselves and others.

 

I don't think you always have to be open with what you are thinking/feeling, it can be a bit confronting sometimes, and it can be more helpful to try and just 'read the play' and be honest with yourself.  However, it you feel like it's getting more serious, it's probably worth mentioning.

What do you guys think?

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

Ahh i like your question the most @j95

 

Hmm, i guess maybe my answer is to ask the other person to help you decide while letting them know what you think or part of it  so maybe i'd say  " i want to give this time what do you want?" but would i be better being more honest and adding "i'm not sure if we want the same thing" ?

 

 

Re: Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

yeah that sounds pretty spot on great idea @Ben-RO
and exactly @tsnyder if things are more serious its a good idea to check in with the other person but there are other times its ok to just go by instinct
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//