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Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.

5) Where does the pressure to have sex come from ? 

 

If feel there is so much pressure to have sex

  1. from T.V, movies and music videos
  2. kids at school and peer pressure (for me this is HUGE)
  3. Age...the older you get I feel the less accepted it is to be a virgin 
  4. Partners - if they feel ready before you do...it can put a strain on the relationship 

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.

Wow I'm glad my thoughts have resonated so well with you guys!!

In terms of pressure, I think it definitely comes from the partner, but also friends and peers, and of course the media and society in general. I've also had friends say their family is pressuring them - not directly to have sex, and maybe because I'm a little older, but in that these friends are in long term relationships, and the parents keep on about when are they going to get grandkids... So there's definitely some pressure and expectation there, especially in established relationships.

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.


@_sagira_ wrote:

5) Where does the pressure to have sex come from ?


I think predominantly from the other partner and their expectations.  There's so much pressure and if you don't talk about it and are honest and open about it, neither person is going to know what the other is thinking.  Assume nothing.


Open communication is a key ingredient. That's something I've very much like to have in my healthy relationship. 

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.

@Emily - yeah i've been getting the marriage/grandkid thing already...and I'm only 21!

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.

Sounds like we're all bombarded from all sorts of sources about sex and expectations around it.

 

From whom or what have you learned the most about sex ?

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.

From whom or what have you learned the most about sex ?

 


50% from friends 

40% from internet 

10% from school 

0% from parents 

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.


@EmilyJ wrote:
I think the risk of treating sex casually depends on the individual... and it's good you're being cautious about it! Personally I lost my virginity when I was 16, and I don't regret it - I have learnt from the experience and wouldn't be where I am today if I'd made different choices. When I broke up with the boyfriend I lost my virginity to (after a 3 year relationship), I didn't have sex with any subsequent boyfriends until last year at the age of 21. Just because you're no longer a virgin, and because you're in a relationship, doesn't automatically mean you have to have sex. I think there's value to the concept of having a virginity with each new partner - the decision isn't to be made lightly, and the same things should be considered as you would before having sex for the very first time.

 


I agree completely with EmilyJ, and have had a similar story. I lost my virginity when I was 18, wasn't in a relationship at the time but soon after we started dating and were in a relationship for 2 years. We broke up earlier this year and I obviously I know that I can't change the past (have no regrets, like EmilyJ the choices I made have got me to where I am now) but I feel that I can start over fresh. I'm not planning on having sex with every new relationship that comes along, and I definitely don't feel that just because I've lost my virginity that sex doesn't matter - it's still just as important as it was before.

 

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.


@fosterthepeople wrote:

 

From whom or what have you learned the most about sex ?


I'll shout it out - PORNOGRAPHY.

It may not be the best and most reliable source but people are sourcing their sex ed from it.

It's a start I'll say. 

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.

From whom or what have you learned the most about sex?

The internet, magazines and friends I think.

Re: To sex or not to sex? That is the question.


@dilz wrote:

@Emily - yeah i've been getting the marriage/grandkid thing already...and I'm only 21!


Me too dilz! And I'm not even in a relationship haha