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[CHAT] The (sometimes) ugly aftermath of relationships

originally posted on 17-02-2015 2:58 PM

OR RELATIONSHITS, AMIRITE?

 

Let’s be real for a second: relationships can be pretty great. You meet someone who you think is the cutest, funniest, most excellent person, and – even better – they think that you are the cutest, funniest, most excellent person. You go on dates and invent nicknames for each other and walk all over the place holding hands, and in between the nicknames and the unintentional exercise, a strong bond based on mutual respect, trust and love develops.

 

GR1

 

Sometimes though, things don’t work out like that forever. Maybe you both live too far away from each other. Maybe the parents don’t like you. It could even be irreconcilably different music tastes. Whatever it is, sometimes relationships have to end. The ending itself can be hard – there might be a lot of yelling or ignoring or mind games before you both finally call it off.

 

GR2

 

And the aftermath can be just as tough - you still wish for the feeling of love and being loved, and sometimes it can feel like no-one you know can lift you from the dumps.

 

It can be even more difficult when the ending is sudden or complicated. Your partner might have sprung it on you, or maybe your different backgrounds might get in the way of you being together. It can really be like a sudden loss – you no longer have the security of a loved one caring for you and being with you no matter what. It can be difficult for you mentally, and even physically, and you might even do things that you regret, and would never do in any other circumstance.

 

So that begs the question: How can you deal with a breakup, in a healthy and supported way? Tune in to Monday's Getting Real session - 23rd Feb at 8pm AEST for tips and support, and probably a few stories too.

 

safari93
safari93Posted 18-03-2022

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23 Feb 2015, 9:00 AM UTC

23 Feb 2015, 11:00 AM UTC

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    Comments (6 pages)

     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:32 PM

    Would you say that sometimes breaking up can be a positive thing?

     

    For me break ups are a positive thing if they are dragging you down. I think you still need to be able to grow as a person while you are in a relationship, and if you are fighting all the time or feeling unloved in a relationship you aren't getting the chance to be your best self. You need to be with someone who can help you up and help you to keep achieving.

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:27 PM

    @Myvo equal power dynamics in relationships are so important!! 

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:25 PM

    @pegasus123 that's a really good point - sometimes you get with someone when it isn't really the right time for it. People change over their lives so you might not be the best partner for someone at a certain point in your life

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:24 PM

    @j95 burning of clothes is generally a bad thing, and in the context of a breakup is definitely a bad sign 😛

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:23 PM

    @lanejane I think so too - it seems like generally being uncommunicative or unable to communicate honestly or kindly is a good indicator

     
    pegasus123
    pegasus123Posted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:23 PM

    my partner of one year and i broke up back in October. After a week, we got talking again and now were best friends with plans to get back together. Sometimes break ups cant be prevented. The timing of our relationship was wrong and we both have things to work on before we decide to get back together. At first i didnt understand, but now i think it was the best decision

     
     
    chandelier
    chandelierPosted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:29 PM

    totally true @pegasus123 a relationship can be so wrong at one stage of your life, and totally right at another...
     
    j95
    j95Posted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:22 PM

    Hey guys!!
    This is going to be a great chat, I've got heaps of interesting stories to share. Including when an ex burnt my favourite beanie in the fire during a nasty breakup. Ha...
     
     
    chandelier
    chandelierPosted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:28 PM

    ahhh the old beanie in the fire trick!!
     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:24 PM

    @j95 not sure whether to like that and high 5 it - or not haha. it does sound nasty indeed.

     

    i'm giving it a high 5 as an encourager to tell us more later in the thread Robot tongue

     
     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:27 PM

    @pegasus123 Made a good point there. Sometimes you notice that things aren't going very well and you need to break up because of it.... Sometimes a "break up" can just be a "break" until you get things sorted out.

     

    Hmm. I guess that leads me to another question:

     

    3. Would you say that sometimes breaking up can be a positive thing?

     
     
     
     
    Dreamer 95
    Dreamer 95Posted 18-03-2022 07:15 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:38 PM

    It can be, like sometimes you can break up and then end up being friends, or end up back together or it could be the total oposite effect like one of my best friends and a guy thats friends with me also, he asked her while half drunk to go out, she agreed but the next day she knew it wouldnt work and since then he always wants to make her life a living hell, like thats not a joke, when he can make fun of her he will, but because i am so close with her and him i end up telling him off and reminding him that she is a person and has feelings, but it does make trying to be with both of them hard because they are against hanging out, but i will not say that it's always that case as some of you guys do seem to have one of those good relationships with others, 
    all i'm trying to say with this is that yes if you have a good relationship with someone then yes it can be positive but also on the other hand if the relationship was broken up for bad reasons or on bad terms then i think it may not be as postive, 
    but thats my thoughts Smiley Happy

     
     
     
     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:15 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:43 PM

    @Dreamer 95 sounds like if you need to be reminding this guy to be nice to your friend it's good that she realised they probably aren't suited in the long run.

     

    i think sometimes, we get focused on the good stuff and try and disregard some of the other stuff we don't like so much.... but at the end of the day when it comes to love, lust and relationships you've really got to look at the "whole picture"!

     

    you've got to think about what is positive and what is negative before making any decisions.

     

     
     
     
     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:15 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:44 PM

    haha @Myvo that vid Cat Tongue

     
     
     
     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:16 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:48 PM

    Have you ever experienced a break up? (Did it go as well as could be expected?)

     

    I have always been one of those "if we break up we aren't friend" type of people. That being said my last break up was quite some time ago and I was stuck in high school drama mode!

     

    I completely did not see the break up coming and just cracked the shits.

     

    Heart break turned angerrrr!

     

    hulk.jpg

     
     
     
     
    Myvo
    MyvoPosted 18-03-2022 07:14 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:30 PM

    Would you say that sometimes breaking up can be a positive thing?

    Yup, definitely. Sometimes, it really is for the best - whether the timing is off (i.e. going separate ways), a solution (or solutions) weren't found/agreable for ongoing issues, or it was just so damn toxic!

     
     
     
     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:15 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:34 PM

    @Myvo you've put that in a really interesting way. sometimes its "for the best". you don't always see it like that at the time, but then later on you start to realise why it was a good thing.

     
     
     
     
     
    lanejane
    lanejanePosted 18-03-2022 07:15 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:37 PM

    omg i have to say this just quickly. on the topic of being unloved in relationships. honestly one of the hardest thing about me watching that 50 shades of grey movie was when she was just constantly left alone in that bedroom all lonely and feeling rejected.

     

    i have a real soft spot for people feeling lonely. i was almost crying just at that.

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:22 PM

    @Dreamer 95 I guess it depends on whether you and your partner think it would be worth working to stay together or if the relationship will affect one or both of you badly

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:20 PM

    What are some signs that a relationship might be heading towards a break up?

     

    I guess it depends on the situation. It might just be the realisation that you can't stay with a person anymore because one or both of you can't provide something to the other person, or maybe you or your partner aren't in a good space to be able to have a healthy relationship. It might also be outside factors - maybe one of you has to move away for a long time or you can't be together and stay safe or something like that

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:12 PM

    Welcome @Myvo !! I agree with you - basically showing the other person respect. And @chandelier that's true, not all relationships last, but it's still important to treat your partner with respect, trust and love, and that in itself can help during the hard times

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:07 PM

    @Dreamer 95 welcome!! And yeah sometimes things outside of a relationship can be too much to be able to work through

     
    safari93
    safari93Posted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:06 PM

    @lanejane definitely!! It can be hard to avoid them sometimes, although it doesn't mean you break up over the slightest thing. If you think you can work through the problem with your partner, then a breakup could be avoided for a while

     
    Dreamer 95
    Dreamer 95Posted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:06 PM

    I think it depends on the actual relationship and people, like if you can feel something may happen then you probably couldn't prevent it but if you are just going through a rough time you just have to try and work through it.
     
     
    Myvo
    MyvoPosted 18-03-2022 07:13 PM

    originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:11 PM

    @Dreamer 95 Definitely agree on that one! It really does depend on the kind of relationship, and whether it's just a rough patch or something more than that. 

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