[CHAT] The (sometimes) ugly aftermath of relationships
originally posted on 17-02-2015 2:58 PM
OR RELATIONSHITS, AMIRITE?
Let’s be real for a second: relationships can be pretty great. You meet someone who you think is the cutest, funniest, most excellent person, and – even better – they think that you are the cutest, funniest, most excellent person. You go on dates and invent nicknames for each other and walk all over the place holding hands, and in between the nicknames and the unintentional exercise, a strong bond based on mutual respect, trust and love develops.
Sometimes though, things don’t work out like that forever. Maybe you both live too far away from each other. Maybe the parents don’t like you. It could even be irreconcilably different music tastes. Whatever it is, sometimes relationships have to end. The ending itself can be hard – there might be a lot of yelling or ignoring or mind games before you both finally call it off.
And the aftermath can be just as tough - you still wish for the feeling of love and being loved, and sometimes it can feel like no-one you know can lift you from the dumps.
It can be even more difficult when the ending is sudden or complicated. Your partner might have sprung it on you, or maybe your different backgrounds might get in the way of you being together. It can really be like a sudden loss – you no longer have the security of a loved one caring for you and being with you no matter what. It can be difficult for you mentally, and even physically, and you might even do things that you regret, and would never do in any other circumstance.
So that begs the question: How can you deal with a breakup, in a healthy and supported way? Tune in to Monday's Getting Real session - 23rd Feb at 8pm AEST for tips and support, and probably a few stories too.
Event Details
23 Feb 2015, 9:00 AM UTC
23 Feb 2015, 11:00 AM UTC
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originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:53 PM
Thanks for coming out guys!! So much knowledge! So many stories!! Hope you all have a great night 🙂
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:55 PM
Thanks for tonight guys! 
Hope you all have a goodnight! 
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:46 PM
@j95 the 'replacement' idea is important - sometimes you just want the feeling of being in a relationship, so you look for someone as soon as you have broken up, but it's a selfish way to date and can only go bad in the end
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:44 PM
@Dreamer 95 I guess if you think you have a chance and it might go better then it might be worth a shot. I think someone mentioned giving up a relationship because the timing was bad? Maybe if the timing is better dating an ex might be a good idea
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:47 PM
see as i said it's different for people, like if it was bad timing thats great if someone finds another time thats better but its the persons preference, i was meaning myself i probably wouldn't if someone cheated, on the other hand i would have to think about if i wanted to get back with an exthis is just me
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:51 PM
You guys have been so great tonight in our chat. Thanks so much for coming along and sharing your experiences with. Unfortunately we've come to the end of our GR session, but for those of you who might have just chimed in and are reading our chat from somewhere out there in cyber space i'm going to give you a quick summary of everything we've chatted about tonight!!
We spoke about ways to cope with an unexpected end to a relationship like by: trying to remain calm, keeping open lines of communication with the person you have been seeing and with people around you about what’s going on and how you’re feeling!
We have also realized through our own experiences, and experiences helping friends through break ups, that’s its important to look after yourself during a break up like by taking some time out to practice self care (going for a walk, take a bath, talking it out, patting dogs… I say they all totally count as self care).
Remember as well that there is always support out there during a break up if you need it – you don’t have to go through it on your own – there is friends and family, as well as the following professional services:
http://www.relationships.org.au/
https://www.eheadspace.org.au/
It seems like we have had some varied experiences with break ups (and make ups!) tonight and for anyone who would like further reading on this topic check out the below links from RO 🙂
http://au.reachout.com/managing-pressures-with-your-boyfriend-or-girlfriend
http://au.reachout.com/is-your-relationship-past-its-useby-date
http://au.reachout.com/is-honesty-really-the-best-policy
http://au.reachout.com/coping-with-a-break-up
http://au.reachout.com/all-about-being-single
http://au.reachout.com/bringing-sex-into-a-relationship
Yeahhhhhhh LOTS OF LINKS. Links are the bombbbbbb! (In all seriousness though I have actually ready every single one of those articles and they are all really good) 
Thanks again guys and I look forward to seeing you all next week. I will be there looking forward to getting to know you all some more 🙂
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:40 PM
@Dreamer 95 I guess the tricky part is knowing how long to wait. You might not feel 100% confident even after you've decided you are well and truly over the breakup and wanting to start dating again
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:39 PM
So far it looks like there is no set time to wait after a breakup - when we feel ready, we go out again!! So let's make this break-up situation a little more complex...
Is it okay to date your ex?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:42 PM
I think @pegasus123 posted a good story about dating an ex earlier. Sometimes it does work!
In the past i've tried to re-date my exes. It didn't go very well for me. Like, in my head I thought it would be really good and everything would be perfect again. But it's kinda not the same the second time around? You've both changed, but you expect the person to be how they used to be? .... something like that anyway.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:42 PM
Like the question before it's really a difficult answer because everyone have their own prefrences, myself i probably wouldnt but thats me, others may want to but depends on eveyone and what happened between them and their ex
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:35 PM
@ruenhonx no problem!! Have a good night 🙂
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:34 PM
@lanejane LOL but it worked out at least!!
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:34 PM
My next question for everyone tonight is: How soon after a break up is it okay to get back into the dating scene?
I guess it depends on the person and on the way the previous breakup happened. So long as you had the time to recover and feel confident in being able to enter a new relationship
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:43 PM
I posted about this in the man cave a few months ago - I think, as hard it is on the other person, if you are the dumper, it's up to you, don't hold yourself back but be careful not to find someone just as replacement. Same goes for the person who is dumped. If I had to out a time frame on it, I would say a month minimum but it depends on the seriousness of the relationship, how long you were together and stuff. I know that I haven't exactly gone by 1 month minimum and have, once before, started seeing someone before I broke up with another (another oops for me). I have heard something about 1 week for every month you were together or something but i don't know, everybody is different!!originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:45 PM
haha, sounds like a mathematical equation @j95
1 week for every month you were together.
shit that could be ages of single-ness if you were married or like high school sweet hearts.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:49 PM
I know right @lanejane ain't nobody got time for datoriginally posted on 23-02-2015 9:46 PM
ps. my official response to our last question is:
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:36 PM
I always wonder how long people expect their ex's to wait too?
Sometimes I feel like we hide new relationships for a while because we're worried about still hurting the last person we dated or broke up with.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:37 PM
@lanejane I guess people do that so it doesn't appear like they've 'cheated' or been unfaithful, explaining the break-up. But then again, we can't control how others interpret our actions.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:27 PM
Where can you go to seek additional (professional) support?
I think for young people like ourselves youth-specific support is important. I also found that QLife was really great in giving advice on LGBT relationships in young people, because there are specific issues that can arise with LGBT relationships
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:19 PM
@lanejane "Pet all of the furry creatures" is something I advocate for life in general as well as for breakups. Unless they're wild animals.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:17 PM
How can you look after your physical and mental health during a break up?
Having a network of friends and family around is super great!! Even if they're there to listen to you talk about how you're over your partner and don't ever want to see them again lolol (who remembers the Tay-Tay reference at the beginning??)
But seriously, having people to talk/cry to is wonderful, until you feel like you are ready to go back out and start dating
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:21 PM
@safari93 i think friends and family are one of the most important things during a break up. talking about how you feel is a great way to get your thoughts out and look after your mind.
when i was going through a break up i used to go walking with a friend and we would just talk the whole way through. it was helping me to get everything out while exercising and looking after my body in the fresh air (which we all know it can be hard to get during a break up cos you spend a lot of time in ur bedroom feeling shit).
