[CHAT] The (sometimes) ugly aftermath of relationships
originally posted on 17-02-2015 2:58 PM
OR RELATIONSHITS, AMIRITE?
Let’s be real for a second: relationships can be pretty great. You meet someone who you think is the cutest, funniest, most excellent person, and – even better – they think that you are the cutest, funniest, most excellent person. You go on dates and invent nicknames for each other and walk all over the place holding hands, and in between the nicknames and the unintentional exercise, a strong bond based on mutual respect, trust and love develops.
Sometimes though, things don’t work out like that forever. Maybe you both live too far away from each other. Maybe the parents don’t like you. It could even be irreconcilably different music tastes. Whatever it is, sometimes relationships have to end. The ending itself can be hard – there might be a lot of yelling or ignoring or mind games before you both finally call it off.
And the aftermath can be just as tough - you still wish for the feeling of love and being loved, and sometimes it can feel like no-one you know can lift you from the dumps.
It can be even more difficult when the ending is sudden or complicated. Your partner might have sprung it on you, or maybe your different backgrounds might get in the way of you being together. It can really be like a sudden loss – you no longer have the security of a loved one caring for you and being with you no matter what. It can be difficult for you mentally, and even physically, and you might even do things that you regret, and would never do in any other circumstance.
So that begs the question: How can you deal with a breakup, in a healthy and supported way? Tune in to Monday's Getting Real session - 23rd Feb at 8pm AEST for tips and support, and probably a few stories too.
Event Details
23 Feb 2015, 9:00 AM UTC
23 Feb 2015, 11:00 AM UTC
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originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:14 PM
@lanejane I was going to say face-to-face but then I remembered: long-distance!! It can be harder to communicate over long distance relationships, which makes it that much harder (I would think: I've never been in a long-distance relationship). But I guess you would still try to be honest, and do your best to communicate your point and understand what the other person is saying
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:16 PM
@safari93 @lanejane I guess it also depends on how geographically far you are from each other. My relationship is long-distance; being about an hour or so away from each other. Definitely agree on what boundaries/rules you have and what ways are efffective in communication too.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:10 PM
What is the best way to go about a break up?
I feel like the best way to break up with someone is to be honest without being rude or letting your emotions get the best of you. Not to say that it's easy (oh my god easy it is definitely not) but you will still be working towards a breakup without extra emotional baggage or hurt feelings
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:11 PM
so face to face @safari93
what about if you're in a long distance relationship??????
i hadn't thought about that til just now.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:13 PM
But yes face to face = best and probably nicest methodoriginally posted on 23-02-2015 9:03 PM
@Dreamer 95 I agree, and also the type of person. Some people may experience being dumped as worse than dumping someone, or vice versa
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:06 PM
So if we all kind of agree that's it's hard for both parties during a break up... 6.What is best way to go about a break up?
A way that can make it easier on both the dumper and dumpee....(or at least as easy as possible)?
Eg. Face to face? Via text? With a bunch of flowers?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:16 PM
6.What is best way to go about a break up?
I have never really broken up with someone face to face, never had the opportunity to because I think then I do, I can't wait sometimes but I think the best and respectful way is to break up in person, if not then phone I think just so you can explain and maybe give them closure as well.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:18 PM
How can you look after your physical and mental health during a break up?
I think a good cry is important, like a really good 30min cry, time yourself so you know after that 30mins then its done you can pick yourself up and keep moving.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:18 PM
@ruenhonx hmm. i think i'd be like that too. i think and do. once i've realised it's what's best, i don't like prolonging it. i'm ready to start moving forward on my journey.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:10 PM
What is best way to go about a break up?
Face-to-face for sure. I think that breaking up with some via phone call or text is just discourteous and cowardly. If you're the dump-er, you have the option (that leeway) to not reply, hang up, or not even call back with technology. It leaves the dump-ee feeling worse as you won't even give an answer!
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:14 PM
If face to face is really the best option (when you have the option and it's not long distance), how do you cope with it? Break up's can be really confronting because a lot of your routine changes. You can also feel pretty lonely like we all mentioned earlier. So, I guess the next question is:
How can you look after your physical and mental health during a break up?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:18 PM
How can you look after your physical and mental health during a break up?
By focusing on yourself. Taking hot baths, going on walks, hanging out with friends, going to a doctor if you need to, listening to sad love songs and crying when you feel like it (just letting it out!), and setting some small goals here and there. There's also communicating clearly and honestly with the person you're breaking up with, and setting boundaries on that too.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:22 PM
Setting boundaries with the person you're breaking up with is HUGE @Myvo and I think it's something we often forget to do. There's always that "let's still be friends" type of line but really you need to communicate with your ex about how things are going to be in the future so you're both clear with what to expect from now on.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:24 PM
@ruenhonx a good cry can help to just let it all out (let it go, let it goooo).
what happens though when you can't stop the crying? we've all been there at one time or another. like, sometimes, even when you do all the right things you still can’t help but feel down after a break up.
Where can you go to seek additional (professional) support? (Our next "official" question)
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:34 PM
Totally agree @lanejane it is good to just let it happen I think grieving depends on the individual but regardless I think it needs to be done.Anyways guys let me go do some reading/studying 😞
Thank you for the session guys. 🙂
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:27 PM
Where can you go to seek additional (professional) support?
You can visit your local GP for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist who may specialise in relationships. There's also Relationships Australia, who do one-on-one counselling for people who have gone through break-ups too.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:29 PM
Relationships Australia is a great one @Myvo
If anyone wants a link it's:
http://www.relationships.org.au/
They deal with boyfriends/girlfriends/family relationships - everything!
Some others I would personally use might be:
https://www.eheadspace.org.au/
Sometimes it can be handy to talk to someone who isn't family or a friend so that you can talk freely about everything you are feeling.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:32 PM
Qlife is a great one if you're LBGTIQ.
I think any of those services mentioned could help you if you were having trouble picking yourself up after a break up!
HMMM.
My next question for everyone tonight is: How soon after a break up is it okay to get back into the dating scene?
This is something I have dealt with personally! I started seeing my current partner like 2 days after I told someone else I wasn't ready for a relationship (oops).
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:35 PM
My next question for everyone tonight is: How soon after a break up is it okay to get back into the dating scene?
That really is a tricky question. I think that whenever you feel ready and if you are deciding to see someone, it should be done respectfully in regards to your ex-partner and the person who you're interested in. There's no need to rush. It really is about reflecting and learning from your recent breakup and from yourself too.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:37 PM
Thats a really tricky question as you said only because everyone is different and have there own pace with it
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:16 PM
How can you look after your physical and mental health during a break up?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:08 PM
Since this song has come out i've always kind of wanted to use it as a break up method.
Too bad I love my partner 😉
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:07 PM
I just answered the question before it was posted..Wow. I can tell the future.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:02 PM
@Myvo I reckon both roles are just as hard as each other as well. Even if you are both being perfectly mature and reasonable about it, just dealing with all of the emotions leading up to the breakup is hard
