[CHAT] The (sometimes) ugly aftermath of relationships
originally posted on 17-02-2015 2:58 PM
OR RELATIONSHITS, AMIRITE?
Let’s be real for a second: relationships can be pretty great. You meet someone who you think is the cutest, funniest, most excellent person, and – even better – they think that you are the cutest, funniest, most excellent person. You go on dates and invent nicknames for each other and walk all over the place holding hands, and in between the nicknames and the unintentional exercise, a strong bond based on mutual respect, trust and love develops.
Sometimes though, things don’t work out like that forever. Maybe you both live too far away from each other. Maybe the parents don’t like you. It could even be irreconcilably different music tastes. Whatever it is, sometimes relationships have to end. The ending itself can be hard – there might be a lot of yelling or ignoring or mind games before you both finally call it off.
And the aftermath can be just as tough - you still wish for the feeling of love and being loved, and sometimes it can feel like no-one you know can lift you from the dumps.
It can be even more difficult when the ending is sudden or complicated. Your partner might have sprung it on you, or maybe your different backgrounds might get in the way of you being together. It can really be like a sudden loss – you no longer have the security of a loved one caring for you and being with you no matter what. It can be difficult for you mentally, and even physically, and you might even do things that you regret, and would never do in any other circumstance.
So that begs the question: How can you deal with a breakup, in a healthy and supported way? Tune in to Monday's Getting Real session - 23rd Feb at 8pm AEST for tips and support, and probably a few stories too.
Event Details
23 Feb 2015, 9:00 AM UTC
23 Feb 2015, 11:00 AM UTC
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originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:58 PM
@treebytheriver of course!! Once you're ready you can start looking for a great relationship. The best relationships come out of knowing exactly who you are and what you want from a relationship
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:57 PM
Wow, we have seen some stories here!! Some breakups happened well, with lots of communication, and then there were the breakups which didn't go quite so well. Speaking of breakups (as if we haven't been doing that this whole time!!)
Do you think it’s worse to be the dump-er or the dump-ee?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:01 PM
i think both can be equally bad, like being dumped was horrible and wanted to cry, but on the other hand when i dumped the guy it felt great but due to circumstances but i know people who have been worse after they broke up and i was just there for them, but as i say its always determined on the circumstances
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:00 PM
Do you think it’s worse to be the dump-er or the dump-ee?
It's hard for both. The dump-er, as they have to figure out a non-harsh, non-nasty way of breaking up. The dump-ee, as they may or may not know what's going on.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:03 PM
i agree with @Myvo for our latest question (Do you think it’s worse to be the dump-er or the dump-ee?)
it's equally hard for both.
well - probably harder for the dumpee if they don't want to break up. but it's important to recognise that neither side is fun.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:05 PM
Or you can just do it quickly and mostly easily by being a prick and breaking up with someone through text (me, once)Oops.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:09 PM
A text break up j... for realllllllz?
Although - sometimes it is actually the easiest way to do it. Especially if you are text fighting.
Wait. Maybe not. Maybe we should take text fighting to a real life convo. PREVENTING BREAK UPS.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 9:10 PM
@lanejane I was like 16, no hate, plzoriginally posted on 23-02-2015 9:03 PM
I agree with @Myvo both are very hard!The dumpee is difficult because, even though it might not be them personally, but rather other issues such as the other persons mental health, it is so hard not to take it personally and think oh god I'm a horrible person.
The dumper is hard to, you might really love this person but it just doesn't work or click anymore. Having to accept this and put it nicely is so so hard
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:55 PM
I know - to be fair to them, what I did was a bit of a a**hole move, but it had to be done. Was pretty terrible though was not expecting it😔originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:54 PM
@j95 you never expect the family to get involved in a breakup!!
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:53 PM
Hey there @treebytheriver !! Your post actually reminded me of an almost-relationship which fell apart because I tried to play it cool!! I was so immature about it as well. Sometimes you just have to be honest
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:55 PM
I think it's also made me more aware of what person I need to be like before I get into a relationship. Which also means I have not really done anything to do with dating for awhile, because I don't feel ready yet. Although, I don't think I ever will feel ready, we are all imperfect human begins right 🙂originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:59 PM
sometimes you're just not ready until you meet the right person @treebytheriver
one day relationships are a mystery and you don't know how to go about what.
the next day it's like, hey wait? this is what i think i want. do you want it? and then that's all you have to do sometimes and relationships just work themselves out.
it really just depends on you and the special person!
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:51 PM
When I broke off an engagement I had her family abusing me through text for at least a couple of weeks. That was defs a nasty one ://originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:55 PM
@j95 was that engagement break up just recently? i must have missed your post about that on RO.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:54 PM
Oh gosh @j95 That is so horrible and I can't even imagine the stress that would put on you,originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:50 PM
@Dreamer 95 glad you got the heck out of there!! Kudos for standing your ground and knowing what was best for you
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:49 PM
Hey @ruenhonx !! Glad to see you here 🙂
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:47 PM
@Myvo I think we all learn things from going through a breakup. I know that I wasn't nearly as mature about relationships when I was younger, and had a lot of notions about them that seem really strange now
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:44 PM
@lanejane that happened?? I haven't read the book or seen the movie, but if that isn't a sign of a bad relationship I don't know what is
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:44 PM
Have you ever experienced a break up? (Did it go as well as could be expected?)My last few relationships have ended with bad breakups. The relationships were supposed to end on good terms but i guess not everyone takes it well (fair enough too). My worst break up included burning of my favourite clothes and flat car tyres.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:43 PM
@j95 that makes sense, it can take a while to get to know someone and love them and trust them, so putting yourself out there again can be hard. Also if you were in a relationship where you slowly lost your independence/had it taken away from you, being single can be almost unthinkable
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:41 PM
@Dreamer 95 that's a good point - maybe the way in which the breakup happened can determine whether it was for the best or not. You might be in a bad relationship and then go through a bad breakup which can take a while to heal from. Leaving if there is no other choice is for the best, but the way in which it happens can still affect you later on
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:39 PM
Seems like sometimes breakups can be for the best - even when it doesn't seem like it at the time.
Onto the next one: Have you ever experienced a break up? (Did it go as well as could be expected?)
