[CHAT] The (sometimes) ugly aftermath of relationships
originally posted on 17-02-2015 2:58 PM
OR RELATIONSHITS, AMIRITE?
Let’s be real for a second: relationships can be pretty great. You meet someone who you think is the cutest, funniest, most excellent person, and – even better – they think that you are the cutest, funniest, most excellent person. You go on dates and invent nicknames for each other and walk all over the place holding hands, and in between the nicknames and the unintentional exercise, a strong bond based on mutual respect, trust and love develops.
Sometimes though, things don’t work out like that forever. Maybe you both live too far away from each other. Maybe the parents don’t like you. It could even be irreconcilably different music tastes. Whatever it is, sometimes relationships have to end. The ending itself can be hard – there might be a lot of yelling or ignoring or mind games before you both finally call it off.
And the aftermath can be just as tough - you still wish for the feeling of love and being loved, and sometimes it can feel like no-one you know can lift you from the dumps.
It can be even more difficult when the ending is sudden or complicated. Your partner might have sprung it on you, or maybe your different backgrounds might get in the way of you being together. It can really be like a sudden loss – you no longer have the security of a loved one caring for you and being with you no matter what. It can be difficult for you mentally, and even physically, and you might even do things that you regret, and would never do in any other circumstance.
So that begs the question: How can you deal with a breakup, in a healthy and supported way? Tune in to Monday's Getting Real session - 23rd Feb at 8pm AEST for tips and support, and probably a few stories too.
Event Details
23 Feb 2015, 9:00 AM UTC
23 Feb 2015, 11:00 AM UTC
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originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:08 PM
Hey @Dreamer 95
Thanks for joining us tonight 🙂
You're so right. It really can depend on the people and the relationship itself. Sometimes you can't really help or stop a break up if it's something someone wants, or if there are external things getting in the way.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:10 PM
what sort of things do you think can be too much to work through?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:19 PM
Families, like the parents or siblings may make your relationship hard, maybe even your family may dislike your partner which will make it hard on you, i've had my fair share of that one but i have work through it but other friends havent had it any easier and it has broken them up,
Also if the person you love or are dating at the time may be really great and all but may change later in the relationship and you may not like the person you fell in love with,
If you are going though a rough time yourself it may effect the relationship also and sometimes you may not work through it,
like i'm not saying that people can't get through these without work, but sometimes it may be too hard
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:27 PM
@Dreamer 95 Been through that too! It can be a pretty tough road for everyone and sometimes, love is blind 
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:27 PM
@dreamer 95 - totally, if there is conflict between family members and your partner than can make life very difficult. and sad!!originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:22 PM
Wow @Dreamer 95 - a really great response you posted there about families, partners changing and going through rough times. There are lots of things that can make relationships hard and they are all definitley in there.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:02 PM
Hey everyone, and welcome to tonight’s GR session. The topic: breakups – when to break up, what it’s like to go through a breakup and how to handle a breakup in a healthy way. We’re anticipating a host of great stories, alongside advice and rants.
Tonight, our chat will be moderated by @lanejane and myself. We’d like you to remember to have a read of – and follow – the community guidelines, for maximum enjoyment and safety for all. If at any time things get too intense and you need to talk to someone, check out emergency help.
First question for the night: When you’re in a relationship are break ups something you can prevent? If so, how?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:10 PM
I kinda think that it's OK to think that most relationships have a lifespan - they may end at some point and that's OK.But if you are in a relationship that's going through a tough time, I think with a commitment to honestly, communication, empathy & respect from both people it could be possible to avert a break up in some cases...
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:17 PM
@chandelier listed some really great qualities you can have that can sometimes help prevent a break up... like communication, empathy and respect... When someone is showing these sorts of qualities it shows they are committed and want a good relationship with their boyfriend/girlfriend etc.
... I wonder though, what are some "not-so-great" qualities in a relationship? What sort of things do we need to look out for in a relationship that might tell us it isn't going well? Hmm. That leads me to the next question:
2. What are some signs that a relationship might be heading towards a break up?
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:26 PM
2. What are some signs that a relationship might be heading towards a break up?depends on the relationship really - it could be that you are fighting all the time, or it could be that you are drifting apart and not communicating or being part of each others lives....
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:24 PM
2. What are some signs that a relationship might be heading towards a break up?
Oh dear, there's so many..however, it does depend in different circumstances. In others, absolutely unacceptable:
- When it's not equal, where one person is puting in more effort than the other.
- Dishonesty and being in denial about their actions when caught
- When one person feels entitled or angry about their partner's (rational, everyday) choices
- Bigotry
- Domestic violence of every kind
- Arguing about the same issues over and over again, but a solution (or a set of solutions) are yet to be found.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:21 PM
2. What are some signs that a relationship might be heading towards a break up?
Personally, I think signs that a relationship is heading towards a break up is stuff like...
- One partner (or both!) showing less interest
- Less communication / Lack of communication
- Lots of fighting (like every day, that is never properly resolved)
- One partner being too busy for the other one all the time
- When one partner starts flirting with other people (why do people do that when they are in relationships? i'm so not into that)
I'm sure there is more 😛
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:13 PM
@chandelier Ooo yes~ live and let run! The values that you've listed are awesome 
People forget about those sometimes.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:10 PM
Hey everyone!
When you’re in a relationship are break ups something you can prevent? If so, how?
Wow, that's a tough question! If you're in a relationship and you really care about the person, then yup, preventing a break-up is high priority. Preventing this from happening may not always go smoothly. But I think that noting how certain actions/words are nasty and hurtful, and not doing them again is one way of preventing them. Oh, and keeping promises and following thorugh, of course!
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:13 PM
Welcome welcome 🙂 & Very true! I reckon you need to be able to learn from your relationships and make sure you have a sort of "improvement" attitude towards it. Sometimes relationships can be tough, and we can make mistakes, so you need to be able to learn what is and isn't acceptable and find a way to prevent hurtful things from occuring. If you try to positively improve yourself and your relationship then maybe you can prevent messy break ups.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:03 PM
Hi everyone! Super excited for tonights session. I certainly have some length break up experiences 😛 I'm sure a few of us do.
originally posted on 23-02-2015 8:04 PM
When you’re in a relationship are break ups something you can prevent? If so, how?
I think sometimes break ups are something you can prevent. Like, if you set some ground rules at the beginning that can always help to prevent break ups and conflict later down the track. It's always best to know what you AND your partner want out of a relationship before getting into one.
What about you @safari93 ?
