originally posted on 05-03-2020 8:44 PM

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx  I'm so glad that moving schools worked out for you! 🙂 I think that moving schools can be both exciting and stressful.
My sister and I both moved schools when we were in high school, and I think it ended up being a good decision for both of us. My new school helped me feel welcome and the school psychologists regularly checked in with me to see how I was adjusting. My sister's new school was more supportive of her condition and willing to make adjustments for her so that she could complete tests and assignments, while her old school was pretty bad with managing her disabilities and recovery from her surgery. In my experience, I really think that different schools offer different things.

originally posted on 05-03-2020 8:15 PM

Hi all, any new questions tonight?

Sorry to hear of everyone's struggles 

@WheresMySquishy @Bre-RO @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @JazzInMay @Hozzles @ecla34 

originally posted on 05-03-2020 8:28 PM

@Anonymous  Sorry that the question hasn't been put up yet!

Here it is:
How do you know when it's time to accept a situation rather than trying to change what has gone wrong?

originally posted on 05-03-2020 9:08 PM

Sorry about asking if there was a question all, didn't mean to sound pushy 

Hmm that's a hard one.

I guess mine would be that my old GP was just hopeless, how she can even call herself a GP is beyond me, for mental health issues especially which she's apprently supposed to be "good" at. I guess I just accepted that this isn't right for me and I'd rather travel and get good care to a GP Clinic I've heard lots about on Radio & TV, which I ended up going to. 30 mins away but the receptionists & staff are much nicer, even the GPs who walk past smile at you unlike the clinic I went to (not saying all the GPs were bad at the old clinic but still). I've only seen the new GP once but she seems nice so far but I'm scared because of what the old one was like.

That's a hard question to answer!

@WheresMySquishy @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @Bre-RO @JazzInMay @Hozzles @ecla34 

originally posted on 04-03-2020 6:26 PM

Here's today's question!

Who do you turn to when things go wrong? Are there any services that you've reached out to or that you've heard of, that can be helpful in these situations?

originally posted on 06-03-2020 12:29 PM

Who do you turn to when things go wrong? Are there any services that you've reached out to or that you've heard of, that can be helpful in these situations?

My friends and family, because they know me and how I, as a person with different strength and weaknesses, should approach a situation. I've also made use of my uni's information/career centre heaps! I sometimes go to my GP who has been seeing me for over 20 years too.

originally posted on 06-03-2020 2:43 PM

Time for the last (but not least) question guys!

How do you think we can move forward in these types of situations? Do you have any reflections you can share?

(you have my most insincere sincere apologies for the way i'm going to be spamming this thread today 😛 )

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We had a live chat on Accessing Mental Health Support Online! 😄 Check it out here!

originally posted on 06-03-2020 7:27 PM

originally posted on 06-03-2020 8:07 PM

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, is there anything that helps you move forward? I imagine it must be really challenging to do that every time 

originally posted on 06-03-2020 8:26 PM

I actually really agree with you @Anonymous , I was planning on spamming my answers tonight, but i think i want to really reflect on them some more, because i'm actually thinking a lot about them! 

In lieu of my answers, I'm going to add some awesome videos I found that RO has made to do with coping when things go wrong! (good old RO, they've got something for any topic! )

The first looks at what to do when things really feel like they're falling apart and you don't know what to do! It really emphasises the vibe RO gives off, which is to reach out when and if you can! xx

The second looks at how the Mighty Car Mods cope when things go wrong! 🙂 

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We had a live chat on Accessing Mental Health Support Online! 😄 Check it out here!

originally posted on 06-03-2020 8:44 PM

Hi again everyone, sorry for my slow replies and not being on the forums much. Just a lot going on for me lately. Here's my answer to the latest question: 

I suppose just support others, like on these forums, try to get professional help if available, or go on chats such as Lifeline, etc. I don't know, that's a hard question? & read inspiring things? This is the hardest question for me, sorry if it's not a good answer.

@ecla34 @WheresMySquishy @Taylor-RO @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @Tay100 @JazzInMay 

originally posted on 06-03-2020 10:58 PM

I liked reading everyone's responses 🙂 does anyone have the energy to put all the questions into one post?

originally posted on 07-03-2020 7:20 PM

@Anonymous  Here are all the questions:

1. Can you think of a time when something's not gone to plan or an unexpected complication has cropped up, that's made things difficult? What was your initial reaction?

2. What are your favourite coping strategies in these scenarios?

3. Who do you turn to when things go wrong? Are there any services that you've reached out to or that you've heard of, that can be helpful in these situations?

4. How do you know when it's time to accept a situation rather than trying to change what has gone wrong?

5. How do you think we can move forward in these types of situations? Do you have any reflections you can share?

originally posted on 07-03-2020 7:58 PM

How do you know when it's time to accept a situation rather than trying to change what has gone wrong?
I think that there are some things in life that you just have to accept, especially when they are outside of your control or there is nothing you can do to change someone's mind.
My doctors and psychologists have helped me to accept some of my health conditions. I've had chats with them where we concluded that while there were things that could manage them, it was likely that I would always have a particular condition or it would reoccur. This actually helped my family and I. It made me feel less distressed by symptoms, though it would have been good to find out that one of my conditions was chronic years earlier. I think it has helped us not to panic when I have a flare up.
I also believe that if a friendship or relationship is toxic, it can be more helpful to accept when things are over rather than trying to fix it.
ReachOut has an article about acceptance here.

@Anonymous  I have had similar experiences with accessing healthcare services. I remember having one appointment with a 'doctor' who gave me pretty bad vibes. She was so rude, condescending and insensitive from the get go that I decided not to follow her advice and get a second opinion from another professional who specialised in that particular part of the body. He told me that the 'condition' that she diagnosed me with (without proper examination or running any tests, no less) was not medically recognised and diagnosed and treated me properly. Luckily, I got better. I'm glad that I didn't persist with the dodgy doctor. If your gut tells you that something is not safe, it can often be a good idea to trust your instincts and run.

How do you think we can move forward in these types of situations? Do you have any reflections you can share?
Things might seem like a big deal at the time, but as you get older, they can have less of an impact. I try to ask myself whether this will matter years down the line. We also can't always prevent bad things from happening, and sometimes we don't know why they do. I think that it's important to remember that just because a bad thing has happened, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It's helpful for me to think about bad events as learning experiences.

originally posted on 07-03-2020 8:42 PM

@Anonymous here's the questions for you, in bold:

1. Can you think of a time when something's gone wrong? Maybe something didn't go to plan or an unexpected complication cropped up that made things difficult. What was your initial reaction?
2. What are some of your go to strategies to either cope or resolve problems?
3. Who do you turn to when things go wrong? Are there any services that you've reached out to or that you've heard of, that can be helpful in these situations?
4. How do you know when it's time to accept a situation rather than trying to change what has gone wrong?
5. How do you think we can move forward in these types of situations? Do you have any reflections you can share?

And that's all of the questions. To make it easier, would anyone like me to write my responses in the 1 post or not to bother, since I've answered them already? Sorry that my answers weren't that great, the questions are hard but interesting because they make you think. Sorry for not being around much on the forums either by the way.

And hello to all of the users here and everyone on the forums, I'll tag everyone properly, I always forget the usernames so I apologise, I'm not trying to leave anyone out!

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx @Tiny_leaf @Anzelmo @ecla34 @Esperanza67 @ApplesRoses @scared01 @drpenguin @Hozzles @MisoBear  @recharging_introvert @statuscaring @SomeoneNADJS @ayrc_1904 @Eden1717 @goldilocks @Bee @roseisnotaplant @liv1611 @Blurryphaced @Bananatime04 @Milkninja222 @JazzInMay @RevzZ @MB95 @mspaceK @Taylor-RO @Tay100 @Bre-RO @Janine-RO I'm still here for all of you and you can all tag me in any thread and chat to me whenever about anything, I hope no one thinks I don't care and support them because I do, I'll do my best, I apologise! Thanks for this thread though everyone.

originally posted on 08-03-2020 12:31 PM

@Anonymous thanks for your contribution, please take your time, reply if/when you feel ready!

1. How do you know when it's time to accept a situation rather than trying to change what has gone wrong?

Mmmm... gut feelings probably guide me most here. It's not even about feeling like I've exhausted every option or if I've been determined enough. It's more about whether my efforts are actually making me feel tired and drained as opposed to productive and hopeful- like I'm moving forward, even just a little.

1. How do you think we can move forward in these types of situations? Do you have any reflections you can share?
   I think having a good support network to really help construct and monitor your healing/recovery/grieving/letting go process is important, as you might be too overwhelmed and not clear-headed enough to self-care or implement that process yourself. You'll need objective eyes to make sure you are consistently, slowly but steadily healing. And that needing that kind of help is perfectly ok!

originally posted on 09-03-2020 1:58 PM

Just catching up on this, it is such an excellent read, and such a fantastic idea for a GR. @WheresMySquishy  @Tay100  @Anonymous  @Anonymous  @ecla34  I have really loved reading through what you've all posted here. 

I especially love the final question, about knowing when to accept a situation rather than trying to change what's gone wrong. 

I love reading about how much resilience so many of you have shown, things like not getting into competitive uni courses can feel so gut wrenching, and I love how people have continued to move on, focus on the things they can change, and accept the things they can't. 

This thread will definitely be an awesome resource for people going through tough times, and I know that I have gained so much personally from reading it - so thank you to everyone. Love this community!! 

originally posted on 14-03-2020 5:37 PM

Gasp! A question I can reply deeply to!

I guess the only question is what is the most relatable and appropriate... I will share 2 stories!

A funny one and a serious one. Let's get to it...

The funny one~

"Can you think of a time when something's gone wrong? Maybe something didn't go to plan or an unexpected complication cropped up that made things difficult. What was your initial reaction?"

This is a story about a cat...

The home that we live in does not belong to us. It belongs to him. Each day, he would lurk from the shadows. He was daring. He was bold. And importantly, beautiful. His authority was never questioned and we were his entertainment. When the sun rose, a messenger delivered notice to me. I am to arrive at the DND event before noon. If I fail, it shall be my head. As I leave and step out into chartered lands, my king lays resting at the doormat. I see him twist, turn and roll around. And at the sound of my coming footsteps, he turns his head and leaps out of freight! I could see him glide across the sky and shine all the green in his eye. His feet danced and danced and ran away, and on this day, he shat on the floor and swayed me away.

Forgive my language, but it seems my liege as left a massive gift for me at my doorstep. It smelt horrid. What made it worse is that despite my creeping and crawling, I stepped in it.

Perhaps I had it coming as I didn't announce my self to the King of Cats and spooked behind him. 

It caused me to be late and knowing the bus time tables, it would delay me even more. I felt very angry. I was going to be late for an event I said I will be early too. I debated not going. But I pulled through!

"What are some of your go-to strategies to either cope or resolve problems?"

I would normally do a breathing exercise or think about things I can see, hear and smell. But... I would be seeing, hearing and smelling the business of a cat. Though, I do like to breathe in and out slowly and just meditate on the go. I imagine scenes that make me happy and feel good, like the beach or floating on ocean waters.

"Who do you turn to when things go wrong? Are there any services that you've reached out to or that you've heard of, that can be helpful in these situations?"

In this case, it would be a friend. I would text them and let it all out. I'd say something like "You won't believe what just happened, ommmmggggggggg-". No services needed. But... when it comes to being at home and something doesn't go right, I hold my plushies and they comfort me. We play games, talk, eat and have fun together. They're very squishy, cuddly and playful.

Sometimes, cheeky too.

"How do you know when it's time to accept a situation rather than trying to change what has gone wrong?"

I can't change or undo what has happened that day. But. I can work towards a goal or a state that I am happy and content with. My garden hose became good friends. I can't say the same for the grass after it had a taste of it too. I guess it really depends on what is going on. But... I would say that if we have done our best today and can't reach for our goal or dreams, maybe it is time to rest and try again tomorrow. Or, find someone that can help.

But that advice won't apply to every situation. Not everything could be changed and it is about accepting things and moving on. It can be a very difficult thing to do as all parts of us need to accept it; body, mind and emotions.

"How do you think we can move forward in these types of situations? Do you have any reflections you can share?"

I feel that when it comes to things as small and playful as this, we can just laugh, giggle, share the story and know that it is okay. I stepped on a cats... business. I didn't get hurt, I didn't lose anything important, I didn't lose anyone close to me and it didn't impact me in a major or negative way.

Sometimes, it is about looking at the scene as a whole. Is it as big as it feels like it is? Am I possibly overreacting? Is it worth fighting or arguing about? 

Now... for the serious one.

originally posted on 14-03-2020 5:37 PM

The SERIOUS one

Note: All parties involved are safe. This is a previous occurring story.

"Can you think of a time when something's gone wrong? Maybe something didn't go to plan or an unexpected complication cropped up that made things difficult. What was your initial reaction?"

I will aim to do my best in sharing this story and try to make it relatable to events that are not this extreme. I share this from a formal and professional perspective.

I am Khajiit. I am trained in Mental Health First Aid. I chose this role, this life and to abide by its beliefs. I was taught and shown that life is more important than the relationship we may have with the person at risk. It means that if we love them, whether they are our family or friend, we will do the best we can in protecting ourselves, others and their life.

This means that there is no confidentiality when thoughts of suicide or self-harm are expressed. I cannot and will not keep it a secret. I cannot and will stand by and do nothing. I cannot and will not be aware of danger and risk and not alert a person that can help. I cannot and will not step down from my role in fear of damaging, breaking or hurting the relationship I have with the person at risk.

I don't know the right word. I don't think 'wrong' is the word I can use to describe this situation. I guess the only one that comes to mind is... change. At the time, it was my boyfriend. I loved them so much and would give them the world, over and over again. As foolish as it may sound, marriage was brought up. That is the depth we were willing to go and how deep our love was.

One day... I needed to perform my duties. I saw the signs and told me something was wrong. It was all in between the lines and given that I know some of the histories, the words that had been said and shown, I was afraid. It was entirely cryptic - It didn't clearly say "suicide" but it told me something was wrong. Very wrong.

I called and called and heard no reply. It is harder when you love them. It is harder when you know that something is wrong and they won't answer. I called an ambulance. I don't believe I was overreacting. It was the usernames they were using on a social media platform.

Each one sad, each one depressing and one hinting suicide. I loved them. I care deeply about them. I needed and wanted to know that they will be alive today and tomorrow.

And that is when it happened.

5 days after. We spoke about it. The fault was pinned onto me. I was told that there was no danger and that I shouldn't have done it. I don't look at who is in the right or wrong. I look at the words that were said. I told him about what I saw and that I tried to call and message and heard nothing.

It was right then when I was blamed more for the consequences that happened after. But that did not hurt the most. It was when I was asked to never do it again unless he says he is going to die - But not everyone will say it. Some people show it in their actions. Some people go silent. And knowingly, in the past... It was never said and that attempt happened.

It hurt me because I was asked to step back and take the chance. I felt like I was being told to gamble their life.

That is what went wrong. That is what changed and that is the unexpected event.

And a very similar one occurred when trying to aid another person at risk. That is two people I loved who could not be around me after I made sure they will be alive.

"What are some of your go-to strategies to either cope or resolve problems?"

I went straight to my doctor. I needed to be heard and my feelings understood. I knew that I couldn't tackle how sad and hurt it made me feel alone. It is hard to let go of someone you love.

Both of them were upset with me and said hurtful things. But... I choose their life over the things they had to say. It was more important to me. But even then, I needed to heal. I rested and kept up my self-care. I ate, drank, exercised and slept.

But importantly, I kept talking to someone about it.

"How do you know when it's time to accept a situation rather than trying to change what has gone wrong?"

It really does depend. I knew that I couldn't change their views, but I could discuss and share how I feel. I did the best I could. I told them that I love and care about them and how much their lives matter to me. But, it was not enough. I don't know the right words, but that anger and hostility were still present.

I couldn't make things better or improved. It was the end of those relationships and it was time to say goodbye and end the romantic relationship/friendship on good terms. That is what I had to accept and it was at the point where I've done the best and all I could.

"How do you think we can move forward in these types of situations? Do you have any reflections you can share?"

The best advice I can give is to seek support when needed. It is okay to need and ask for help.

--

Thank you for taking the time to read and listen to my experiences. I hope this piece that I give will take you somewhere with warm sands.

Sincerely,

Khajiit.

originally posted on 14-03-2020 5:56 PM

That sounds like a really stressful experience @Khajiit. I think your concern was valid. I'm glad you made it through that time.
I think it's great that you were able to debrief with your doctor after you helped someone else and made time for self-care. 🙂

originally posted on 15-03-2020 12:05 PM

Hi everyone, this thread was interesting and made us think. We should do something similar sometime if anyone is interested? Up to the mods too of course.

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx @Tiny_leaf @Anzelmo @ecla34 @Esperanza67 @ApplesRoses @scared01 @drpenguin @Hozzles @MisoBear  @recharging_introvert @statuscaring @SomeoneNADJS @ayrc_1904 @Eden1717 @goldilocks @Bee @roseisnotaplant @liv1611 @Blurryphaced @Bananatime04 @Milkninja222 @JazzInMay @RevzZ @MB95 @mspaceK @Taylor-RO @Tay100 @Bre-RO @Janine-RO @Khajiit (I hope the tags worked, I just copied and pasted them)

originally posted on 15-03-2020 12:09 PM

originally posted on 15-03-2020 12:14 PM

Good idea @Tay100 !

originally posted on 07-03-2020 8:29 PM

Hey @WheresMySquishy .

I'm so sorry to hear that, it's ridiculous that there's dodgy "professionals" out there in any field really.

By the way, apologies everyone for not being on the forums much. I still check just haven't really commented or anything much, sorry. Am I still welcome? @Anonymous @ecla34 @Taylor-RO @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @JazzInMay and anyone else I missed.

PS - @Anonymous I'll try to type up the questions for you, bare with me.