[CHAT] Dealing with Conflict
Oi!
You!
Yes you, reading this. I don’t like your hair. I disagree with your opinions. Your new deodorant smells horrendous!
Before you hit your screen, log complaints against @tsnyder, or wonder what’s wrong with your new fragrance, take a second. You may have felt frustrated or angry reading that, or you may have wondered if I have completely lost the plot and am going on an abusive rampage. Whilst I don’t consider myself to be overly sane, my remarks against your ‘do’ have a purpose. This Getting Real session is about CONFLICT or, specifically, dealing with conflict.
Conflict can come in all shapes and sizes, and can manifest in family, friend, or workplace relationships. You can have inner conflict, such as when you feel guilty. You may even have conflicting desires and decisions, such as having to choose between getting either chocolate ice-cream or vanilla (chocolate is the correct decision). With so many opportunities for conflict, it’s amazing that we aren’t in constant nation-wide ice-cream-hurling turmoil. Since we aren’t in a sugary mess, and you didn’t hit your computer screen, something must be happening to diffuse or right the situation.
Which is where you come in!
This Monday we want to hear from you: what ways and means do you have of dealing with conflict? Do you count to 10? Think about it before reacting? Talk to a friend? Hit the gym?
Also, is conflict always a bad thing? How can it be positive?
This will be an all-out discussion about conflict, when, how, and why it happens, and what effective steps are that we can employ when it does. Your opinion would be appreciated and we hope to hear it!
Come and join us at 8pm AEST on Monday the 18th September
Thankyou for coming @evanescence! Got a lot out of chatting to you 🙂
And thank you @j95 learned a thing or two of you!
And it's nearrrrly over everyone!
Thank you all for your amazing posts. I always love reading through these sessions after they are done. I learn heaps every time 🙂
Yeah thank you @j95 @evanescence and @Derpington for joining in, I really appreciate it! Good night everyone!
What are three coping strategies you will use when dealing with conflict next time?
1. Take it easy- Leave my baggage and my stress at the door so the conflict doesn't end up being about feelings from somewhere else.
2. Listen reaaalllly carefully. Communication is a two way street. Make sure you hear and understand what the other person is saying and make sure you are heard and understood.
3. Be true to myself - Understand that it's okay to diagree with someone else and sometimes there might not be a solution.
How can conflict be positive?
Sometimes change happens slowly but sometimes it happens all at once. I think often when change is sudden, it's brought about by conflict between two or more people realising an important point of difference. I think if both people in the conflict can have that fight in a respectful way - even if it's got a bit of heat to it- then knowing and understanding that difference will eventually be a good thing. Even if it doesn't feel like it in the heat of the moment.
It's also an opourtunity to learn a lot about yourself. You might not realise how much something matters to you until someone else argues that it doesn't!
@tsnyder
It wouldn't be a very good chat about conflict without a fight now would it?
What does it mean to agree to disagree?
I think if you boil it all down, a disagreement or agreement is a difference or a similarity in opinion and/or perspective.
So if you agree, you see things the same way. If you disagree, you don't.
Or you believe the same thing, or don't.
That all gets clouded by things like being misunderstood. Or people not making their position clear enough, or perhaps like @Derpington said ages ago; stress or emotional baggage.
I am not sure if i totally agree with you! I think sometimes emotions can run a little hot. Not everyone is calm all the time and I think that's normal. I think sometimes people can agree to disagree and perhaps that means they won't get along after a conflict. I think all of that can be a normal part of a healthy disagreement.
@Ben-RO disagreement in a talk about conflict, I love it! And I agree, it's not possible to please everyone and trying to is not anyway to live your life in my opinion
So it seems sometimes there wont always be a happy resolution and some of us won't be calm in a conflict so:
What does it mean to agree to disagree?
The best advice I've received about this type of stuff is just to stay true to yourself.
@Ben-RO Yeah that's right, Ben. You just brought me back down to reality with that point.... COnflict resolution isn't always about everyone feeling Happy Ending and Sweet Roses all teh time. It's not like that in the world, is it???...
I like that you know when to walk off @j95 that's a pretty rare skill that a lot of people have no idea how to do you have a lot of those rare skills I think!
How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?
I think you have to be aware of how you "fight" for lack of a better word. I think that you need to know your limits like @j95. For example if you're too angry to actually have a conversation and need to walk away.
Or the opposite, like when you have to know when to speak up to make sure your voice and the things that matter to you are heard.
In both cases I think it's about communicating. So listening to what the other person has to say and understanding it. But also making sure the other person understands where you're coming from.
If someone is hurt because they lost its okay. If someone is hurt because you were aggresive like yelled or insulted them or physically hit them thats not okay.
It seems like we all have limits here that are around the physical. Is anything else fair game?
@Derpington what is "hurting the person too much" to you?
I think it's going too far if you hurt the other person too much in any way shape or form.
So it seems like the general theme here is that disrespectful behaviour of any form is not okay?
So we've established some deal breakers in conflict so
How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?
5. How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?
In my opinion, staying focused on the problem rather than personalizing it or making big judgements about others. What do you guys think?
How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?
Sit down, one person talk at a time. Use "I" statements e.g I feel..., focus on the behaviour and the problem and not the person. Find ways on how to move forward, dont go to sleep mad.
4. What does someone 'going to far' look like in an argument? (Such as name calling, insults, etc.)
Hmmm, anything physical is a dealbreaker.
Insults are a bad time.
Making the problem about the person rather than the actual thing you're trying to sort out generally makes things worse.
Oh and bringing old fights up that have nothing to do with the new one as some kind of ammunition.
