[CHAT] Dealing with Conflict
Oi!
You!
Yes you, reading this. I don’t like your hair. I disagree with your opinions. Your new deodorant smells horrendous!
Before you hit your screen, log complaints against @tsnyder, or wonder what’s wrong with your new fragrance, take a second. You may have felt frustrated or angry reading that, or you may have wondered if I have completely lost the plot and am going on an abusive rampage. Whilst I don’t consider myself to be overly sane, my remarks against your ‘do’ have a purpose. This Getting Real session is about CONFLICT or, specifically, dealing with conflict.
Conflict can come in all shapes and sizes, and can manifest in family, friend, or workplace relationships. You can have inner conflict, such as when you feel guilty. You may even have conflicting desires and decisions, such as having to choose between getting either chocolate ice-cream or vanilla (chocolate is the correct decision). With so many opportunities for conflict, it’s amazing that we aren’t in constant nation-wide ice-cream-hurling turmoil. Since we aren’t in a sugary mess, and you didn’t hit your computer screen, something must be happening to diffuse or right the situation.
Which is where you come in!
This Monday we want to hear from you: what ways and means do you have of dealing with conflict? Do you count to 10? Think about it before reacting? Talk to a friend? Hit the gym?
Also, is conflict always a bad thing? How can it be positive?
This will be an all-out discussion about conflict, when, how, and why it happens, and what effective steps are that we can employ when it does. Your opinion would be appreciated and we hope to hear it!
Come and join us at 8pm AEST on Monday the 18th September
Conflict can be positive if you take away the lessons you were meant to learn from the situation, and you use it to grow and strengthen yourself, in the spirit of living with compassion and increased awareness and understanding.
That would be my ultimate ideal outcome of "conflict" in my life...
I like what you said there, @Ben-RO - Sometimes it's about letting the other person do what they do, as long as it doesn't do any harm. And even if you don't totally agree with it, well, doens't need to be all out war, or any love lost, does it?
Yes, @Derpington made a good point about stress and baggage. BTW is @j95 still in the house? ..
@evanescence that's such a good point, sometimes we do just need to let the dust settle first! And actually, no one can always be effective! We are just human after all
hahaha @evanescence welcome, we're glad you joined us! Savor the beautiful nights while you can! I was running tonight and it was so nice to be in the good weather, sunsets can be wondrous things!
Haha welcome @evanescence
Sounds like a lovely night. I would be in a similar state of conflict!
4. What does someone 'going to far' look like in an argument? (Such as name calling, insults, etc.)
Belittling someone and making them feel small and of course if things get psyical
@j95 good on you! That shows some awesome self-control and maturity
@tsnyder yeah if only some people had that same self control and maturity as I do.
footy is an exception, im allowed to be agressive and psyically fight at footy.
@j95 I actually don't agree about fighting at footy! My mother's side grew up bleeding football and they would always say to get on with the game and let your play do the talking. For me, the fighting isn't part of the game
i guess i have no other outlet so when the opportunity arrives I fight. which is bad i know.
hmm interesting @j95, I get that sometimes it feels like we need to put our frustration somewhere, and on the footy field a fight is the obvious one. However, I would tell you to let that frustration light a fire in your belly and to crush them with your game! haha I get so fired up sometimes!
Okay so it seems like, to communicate effectively, we should focus on the problem and the behaviour, and not the person! Excellent. Well, next question:
6. How can you tell if a disagreement is healthy or unhealthy?
6. How can you tell if a disagreement is healthy or unhealthy?
For me, this is about if something is worth having a conflict over. For example, is it something I feel strongly about or not? What do you all think?
How can you tell if a disagreement is healthy or unhealthy?
It is healthy when no voices are raised, no name calling, or bring up past issues, no physical violence or aggression. Instead it is calm, and it can end without grudges or ill feeling but instead more love and respect and change.
I used to be physical in fights when I was younger but now it is definitely a deal breaker.
What does someone 'going too far' look like in an argument? (Such as name calling, insults, etc.)
Calling me out of my name is definitely pushing it. Getting physically aggressive or throwing things is a deal breaker for me. I cant move past that very quickly. In fact it would freak me out.
