[CHAT] Dealing with Conflict
Oi!
You!
Yes you, reading this. I don’t like your hair. I disagree with your opinions. Your new deodorant smells horrendous!
Before you hit your screen, log complaints against @tsnyder, or wonder what’s wrong with your new fragrance, take a second. You may have felt frustrated or angry reading that, or you may have wondered if I have completely lost the plot and am going on an abusive rampage. Whilst I don’t consider myself to be overly sane, my remarks against your ‘do’ have a purpose. This Getting Real session is about CONFLICT or, specifically, dealing with conflict.
Conflict can come in all shapes and sizes, and can manifest in family, friend, or workplace relationships. You can have inner conflict, such as when you feel guilty. You may even have conflicting desires and decisions, such as having to choose between getting either chocolate ice-cream or vanilla (chocolate is the correct decision). With so many opportunities for conflict, it’s amazing that we aren’t in constant nation-wide ice-cream-hurling turmoil. Since we aren’t in a sugary mess, and you didn’t hit your computer screen, something must be happening to diffuse or right the situation.
Which is where you come in!
This Monday we want to hear from you: what ways and means do you have of dealing with conflict? Do you count to 10? Think about it before reacting? Talk to a friend? Hit the gym?
Also, is conflict always a bad thing? How can it be positive?
This will be an all-out discussion about conflict, when, how, and why it happens, and what effective steps are that we can employ when it does. Your opinion would be appreciated and we hope to hear it!
Come and join us at 8pm AEST on Monday the 18th September
4. What does someone 'going to far' look like in an argument? (Such as name calling, insults, etc.)
Sometimes people take their focus off of the conflict and start making insults, or focusing on specifics rather than the big picture. That frustrates me and I always try to keep the overarching point in the forefront
Sometimes you are right and you just have to do what you think is best and not worry about the other person.
@Derpington I agree that we have to follow what we think is best, but how do you know when you are right? That seems important? Also, do you listen to their opinions before deciding you're right, or after?
What do you do when you are in conflict with someone?
Unfortunately, I know that I can get really fired up and confrontational when I am in a conflict. Does anyone have any good strategies for dealing with this?
@Derpington I agree that we have to follow what we think is best, but how do you know when you are right? That seems important? Also, do you listen to their opinions before deciding you're right, or after?
I think it's cool that you can tell how you're feeling and how it impacts the way you think. If that makes sense? I don't think a lot of people can do that!
Well, that's one way of looking at it! But do you think maybe there's more to a conflict than getting what you want?
It seems like conflict has to happen sometimes to make progress on an issue. Maybe some of us need to learn how to avoid conflict to get solutions but some people need to know when it's a necessity?Or can we solve everything without resorting to some form of conflict?
I can see that conflict is different for different people.
What do you do when you are in conflict with someone?
3. What do you do when you are in conflict with someone?
The first thing I do is tell them that I'm angry/frustrated/upset and I tell them why. I was in a relationship with someone and we would disagree quite a lot, but we would always let each other know and it really helped relieve the tension
What do you do when you are in conflict with someone?
I'm the type of person who has to be right... yep one of them. And if someone else says "yeah fine, whatever you're right" and I'm not convinced i'll just keep pushing it. I have to have the last word which is something I should of learnt not to insist on by now.
@Derpington that's true, but what about your mother? To me, a conflict is best resolved when both parties can get some respect and closure, but obviously that isn't always possible!
The last big conflict i had was with my mum she told me I couldn't go to my girlfriends place because i didn't clean the kitchedn. I said I was going to go anyway. Then i went. Which i guess means i won.
@Derpington that's an interesting way to look at it. What do you think 'winning' a conflict looks like?
Hey @Derpington, @tsnyder @ruenhonx @j95!
Welcome!
@J95
I never reall thought about conflict within one's own self in the same way as i think about it between people. Hmmm really interesting way of seeing it. I like!
Yeah I agree, I think it's hard to separate stress out from one situation to another. And then suddenly you might accidentally blow up at someone who probably didn't really deserve it! Oops...
The last conflict I had was between my thoughts. One part of me was saying to contact my Mum, another part was saying don't bother you'll get hurt.
But a different sort of conflict I had recently was between someone from work and I today. I felt pretty shit and I was trying really hard not to snap even more than I already had.
@j95 okay that's great! It sounds like you weighed and the pros and cons of both outcomes and used that to help you make a thought-out decision?
I think it's not always the cause, but can keep it going once it's started. Or make a small difference a big fight.
@Derpington yeah definitely, like 'a mountain out of a mole-hill situation'
Okay, question 2:
2. Can you remember the last conflict you had? Tell us how you dealt with it
Can you remember the last conflict you had? Tell us how you dealt with it
Oh the last one was probably with my cousin, I cant remember the most recent one but we always have arguments. I have dealt with them but just going quiet. If I cant sway someone's opinion or get them to understand mine then I feel there is no point. I honestly suck at conflict resolution sometimes.
