[CHAT] How to help a friend
Whether you’ve become best buds with someone in the last few months, throughout the years, or maybe – you met someone just now, you know that you’ll stick by them.
Hanging out with your friends is just awesome and it’s more awesome when you’re feeling good 200% of the time.
Having the trust, support, and care of a friend can really make a difference – especially when they help you out. When you get into a pickle, having a friend who can pull you out is invaluable. Huge, small, or in-between, it could be anything. From covering your work shift, study, or bailing you out from a risky situation, you know that a friend is someone to count on.
But aside from the good times, there’s also bad times.
When your friend is going through some tough times, it can be scary, daunting, or confusing to figure out what you can do. How do you ask them or start the conversation? And if you do start the conversation, it's especially scary if you quickly realise that you don’t have an instant answer or solution. Helping a friend can be a real challenge, and that’s ok. There’s so many services (and people!) out there who can also lend a helping hand when helping someone who means so much to you.
Chatting it out with other friends, family, and professionals can give you more insight and advice to help your friend out. But of course, if your pal is ok with this. Building a support network can be useful and a peace of mind, knowing that you’re not alone.
It’s important to ask what your friend needs, rather than assume what’s going to work. Chances are, they may appreciate icecream more than you worrying constantly.
But it's not always going to be that easy, there are also the moments when they tell you that they don't want or need help - it can be a real challenge. You are are hearing them say nothings wrong despite the fact that you can see they are struggling. It's at that point that most people think "what the f....*heck* do I do now!?". But there are ways to deal with this.
What’s also super important is looking out for you too. Sometimes, caring for someone can be exhausting and that there’s so only so much that you can do as one person. At the end of the day, it’s all about taking it one step at a time.
Even if you don’t live in a big city apartment or go to a magical wizarding school 
**Whether you’re looking for advice to help out a friend, or you are someone who’s being helped out by a friend, or just want to get the down low for if it happens to you - we want to hear from you! Join us to chat about helping out your friends on Monday 20 April at 8pm, AEST! We'll be talking about how to support your friends – and you!**
Hey everyone! Welcome to our Getting Real session for this week! @Myvo and I will be your hosts for tonight! 😄
Knowing you're not alone when you're feeling down or going through a rough time can be a really amazing feeling. Sometimes it can be hard to know who to turn to, however, there are a special group of people who are always there for us when we need them - our friends (both in 'real life' and online)! Tonight we'll be talking about how we can help our friends and give them support when they are struggling.
Also, just a reminder to check out the forum guidelines before we start, and if you need to chat immediately or anything than check out the services section.
So to kick things off: What makes a good friend?
What makes a good friend?
Someone who knows you (the good, the bad and the ugly), who is willing to set you straight when you're going astray, and is a very easy relationship to maintain. A good friend need not necessarily be one you see every week!
Definitely agree @copse ! You might not see a good friend for a while but it's often like no time has passed 🙂
@Cheeselover85 I have to admit, it's a really great feeling when you haven't seen a good friend in ages and when you finally catch up you can talk and laugh about all the "old times". Catch up dates can be the best!
Which reminds me, I also think being reliable is a really good trait in a friend - you know you can trust them to help you, or turn up to that coffee date you scheduled 😛
@copse Welcome to the sesh!
I think that's a really good point - You don't need to see someone every week to be a really good friend, sometimes you might have not even met them face to face!
That's an interesting thought, do you feel we can have the same connection with a person purely online compared to (at least meeting) face to face?
@copse That's an interesting question. Although some people can fo' sho' have connect with someone very closely with another online, I find that matching a face to a name in person is unlike any other. I guess it depends on how the dynamics of the friendship work out.
I've usually been the studious and fitness motivator in my friendships, so I tend to recognise when my friends are struggling at uni or they feel down about their body! 'often they just need someone to do the "thing" they're not doing with them.
@copse Oh, I'm guilty of that too! Although luckily in the end my friend ended up agreeing with me, but it was a touchy subject for a while!
I love that your the "motivator" friend though! I need on of them to push me through my work outs! I'm such a procrastinator, haha.
Just because our friend might want us to help them doesn't mean that they'll come out and ask for our help! Sometimes it's up to us to use our dectective skills and offer our help instead! That leads us to our next question:
What are some of the signs that your friend might need you to help them?
When your friend is being especially avoidant or just acting out of character. Feeling down, tired, cranky, or even being a douchebag about everything could give you a few clues. It gets challenging when you're initiating conversations or activities most of the time too.
@Myvo @copse Those are all really good points! I definitely think any change in character could mean somethings up! I even have a friend who acts happier and more "fun-crazy" when they're going through a rough time to try and cover it up and "force" themselves to be happy. If she ever seems a little "off" I just always try and ask her how she's going and invite her to have a chat with me.
hey guys! sorry im late. i stopped by the supermarket and all the bags of lollies in the store were $1 each, every single bag, so I'll probably go into a sugar induced coma soon so if I stop reply thats probably why haha.
anyway i'll catch up now
@j95 In the spirit of this GR I hope you're going to share those lollies with all your friends 😜
But welcome!
What are some ways that you could help a friend who was going through a tough time?
If I was going through a tough time I know having a friend like @j95 who would share lollies with me would help 😜
My usual "plan of attack" for helping a friend though is to do something nice them, usually invite them out somewhere to get something yummy to eat. Then we can sit in the back of the place and have a bit of a gossip-fest about whatever is going wrong or how they'll feeling. I always try my best to get a few laughs out of them!
But @confetti rain listening is also really important!
Hey @confetti rain that's totally true! Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest! It can actually be a really great feeling to release all that built up stress! I know that I find after I have a rant I'm always like "Maybe it's not as scary as I thought"
Isn't it nice when your friends make themselves available , give a little bit of their time. Sometimes that just really perks you up, gets you out of your head, to have a chat and a laugh with a friend
Be there for them when they reach out to you. Sometimes people going through a tough time are hesitant to, you know, ASK for help or support. I know myself I always think that I should work stuff out by myself, be a big girl 😉
Have found out over the past year how beneficial it is to reach out and ask for the support you need.
