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[CHAT] RUOK day: How to ask, how to help
Getting Real: RUOK?
No one ever said life was easy, but no one ever said life would be this hard.
Sometimes life isn’t easy and you know what? That’s actually pretty normal.
Almost every single person you know has gone through a hard time in their lives, is going through a hard time right now or will go through a hard time in the future. Some people find it easy to reach out to friends or family and talk about their emotions and experiences, while others find it easy to reach out to professional help.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of us out there that find it difficult or embarrassing to speak out and say that we need a bit of extra support from the people around us.
That’s where ‘R U OK?’ day comes in!
R U OK?’ Day is a national day of action to remind all of us of the importance of checking in on our friends, colleagues, boyfriends, girlfriends and family to remind them that they’re not alone in whatever struggles they face. It’s on the second Thursday of every September (so, September 10th this year).
To recognise the importance of ‘R U OK?’ day, we’ll be hosting a Getting Real session focused on it on September 7th.
We’ll be discussing the 4 steps of actually having this difficult conversation with others and thinking about how it applies to us in our day-to-day lives.
So, join us next Monday to get the conversation started, and remember: You don’t need to know the answers to someone’s problem, you don’t even have to have all your own problems sorted out, you just need to be willing to listen without judgement.
4 steps to ‘R U OK?’ day.
No matter who you are, you have everything it takes to have a meaningful conversation to support a mate in need.
***Join us on Monday 7th of September at 8pm (AEST) to chat about how to ask the question RUOK?***
The second step of any conversation is listening! Talking about how you feel can be upsetting, difficult or even embarrassing so it’s important that when someone confides in us we listen without judgement. What are some things we can do during the conversation to show that we’re listening and that we care?
Cracking a joke or two can sometimes help break the ice a little bit but it depends on the person and how well you know them
@FootyFan26 You're on fire tonight! I adore your first point! The time and place you pick is super important! It can be hard and awkward to have a deep conversation on a crowded bus. Having it somewhere 'safe' is definitely better! Number 5 is also super awesome (we have a question about that later even!).
The second step of any conversation is listening! Talking about how you feel can be upsetting, difficult or even embarrassing so it’s important that when someone confides in us we listen without judgement. What are some things we can do during the conversation to show that we’re listening and that we care?
@FootyFan26 that is a seriously great answer! An especially good point about where you have the chat, some places are absolutely better than others
@j95 Welcome! Hope you had a good training session!
@AllyJane Awesome answer! I think you're spot on - letting them know that you're here for them is so important! Even if they don't want to talk, just knowing that there is someone out there for them can be a good feeling.
What are some things we can do during the conversation to show that we’re listening and that we care?
I know when I'm talking to someone I love when they ask me questions! It makes me feel like they're actually listening to me and not just nodding and agreeing with whatever I say!
Some awesome answers going on here guys! Next Q:
The third step of the ‘R U OK?’ conversation is encouraging action. That doesn’t mean that we have to know the answers to their problems, but it does mean we have to be willing to offer support to them and help them think of ideas that may help them bring themselves into a better headspace. What are some things that we can suggest to someone going through a hard time that may help them?
What are some ‘signs’ that someone may be struggling and needs you to ask if they are okay?
One thing I see a lot among my circle of friends when things aren't going so well are their own different versions of coping mechanisms. Some will finish every sentence with something like "but its fine, it doesn't matter", to try and diffuse the intensity of the topic they've just vented to me about. You start to pick up on it after a while, but at first it might be easy to miss.
I think its easy to forget that sometimes people are trying to convince themselves that things are okay, too. We don't always want to admit that things aren't going to great, so we try and comfort ourselves by saying that its fine, or not a big deal, or something like that.
When a friend says something like that, I try to check in, sometimes by saying something like "is it really fine though?" just to make sure there isnt something else they want to say, something they might be holding back.
It can be tough to crack someone's shell and get the conversation going. What can we do if someone doesn't want to talk? How do we keep the door open so they can if and when they are ready?
It can be tough to crack someone's shell and get the conversation going. What can we do if someone doesn't want to talk? How do we keep the door open so they can if and when they are ready?
I think reiterating to them that you're there for them, and that it can definitely be scary opening up is an obvious one that they might have heard before. So sometimes for those really hard to crack people, offering just to hang out in a normal setting, maybe grabbing a coffee or going rock climbing or something like that is a good idea. That way you can get some regular conversation going, and sometimes making them feel comfortable in that kind of situation can lead to them feeling more comfortable to talk about the deeper stuff.
Plus, if someones going through a hard time getting them out of the house is a good idea, regardless of whether you're talking about whats going on right away.
What are some things we can do during the conversation to show that we’re listening and that we care?
Basically reflecting back on what they are saying, Maybe through in some ah huhs in there. But one thing I thought of that isn't really about listening is making sure we have good body language. Okay, it sort of is part of active listening.
What are some things that we can suggest to someone going through a hard time that may help them?
- Giving them some services they can use
- Going to a GP, counsellor or psychologist
- Telling other close friends and family
- ReachOut!
- Being a bit more open (if that helps)
- Your support and ears to listen anytime they need
- Doing things they enjoy
- Going to a Reach workshop if possible - They're a really good organisation
@KitKat It's the most obvious thing in the world but I think we're all guilty of it. Everyone's attached to their phones these days
The third step of the ‘R U OK?’ conversation is encouraging action. That doesn’t mean that we have to know the answers to their problems, but it does mean we have to be willing to offer support to them and help them think of ideas that may help them bring themselves into a better headspace. What are some things that we can suggest to someone going through a hard time that may help them?
Tell them to come on here! haha.
Encourage them to talk to a parent or professional if they need to, otherwise self-care stuff like eating properly, exercising, having a bedtime routine and trying to schedule in chill time is important.
Coming on here would be a great start! Letting them know what is available... even doing a simple google search and actually giving them numbers is helpful. sometimes someone going through a tough time can find it hard to find motivation to seek out information.
Yaaay @bessie94! Definitely agree! When you're doing it tough, getting motivated can be extra hard. A helping hand is always welcome!
Our next question for tonight:
The final step of our conversation is to follow up with that person later. Even though ‘R U OK?’ day is only one day a year, it’s important that we look out for our mates and family throughout the year – just as they should look out for us. If someone has confided in you about something, what are some ways that you can follow up with them, or even help them out with their action plan?
The final step of our conversation is to follow up with that person later. Even though ‘R U OK?’ day is only one day a year, it’s important that we look out for our mates and family throughout the year – just as they should look out for us. If someone has confided in you about something, what are some ways that you can follow up with them, or even help them out with their action plan?
Well the most simple answer to this is to keep asking them. Not excessively because that could push them away, but just asking every now and then at the appropriate time or place how they're going. If they have an action plan, asking how they're going with it and encouraging them to continue at it and help provide tips if they're struggling. Something my friends and I do a lot as well if we've got something we want to do/change in our lives, to keep each other accountable, we text each other periodically reminding them to do what every they've set out to do and asking them how they're going with it.
@Randomness mutual RUOK-ing, awesome! Building a supportive network to check in with is a great tool!
That's a good point about not taking over @Chessca_H. From my own experience it can be awkward being in that 14-16 age bracket and seeking help, becuase often your parents will become involved and they want to try and take over everything.
