[CHAT] Saying sorry and forgiveness
Join us, this Monday 6th July at 8pm AEST because....
It’s one of the hardest things to do, but forgiving someone can make a big difference to how happy you are. That’s because feeling bitter or angry towards someone prevents you from experiencing happy feelings.
Being overrun by negative feelings obviously isn’t great for your own happiness, so making an effort to transform those feelings through forgiveness is worth a go. When you forgive, the negative feelings you have disappear. This gives you the space to experience positive feelings again.
Research has shown that people who forgive:
- Experience more happiness
- Are in better physical health (particularly in terms of cardiovascular health)
- Have better relationships, which in turn can increase happiness even more
In other words, forgiveness is something you can do for yourself!
On the other hand, saying sorry can be awkward and difficult. Depending on why you want to apologise, you might have some hesitation. If you’re worried that the other person won’t forgive you, remember that apologising is still better than refusing to admit anything is wrong. Saying sorry is also hard if you don’t believe that you’ve done anything wrong. In this situation, try thinking about the impact of what you have done on the other person, and remembering that they are hurt. Your apology is a way of helping the other person and maintaining your relationship.
So join us on Monday for the chat!
I completely agree with that!
Often when asking for forgiveness we are asking for someone to forget something we have done. And if we don't go on to stop that then the apology means nothing. So yes, Action is everything!
Actions say more than words 🙂
Is it ever a good idea to say sorry if you don’t mean it?
Leaning towards nah; if you don't mean it, the person can usually tell by your voice and body language... but just because you're not sorry, doesn't mean you have to be an ass about it.
But, then again, it could be necessary for peace keeping... depends on the situation I guess
I don't think so. It abuses people trust and will just make the problem even worse.
Hey guys, long time no see >.<
Sorry I'm a little late!
Tell us about the last time you had to say sorry to someone in a real way - why was it important?
Being at college means a few parties, and not long ago I got upset at one and totally put a bummer of a mood on a friend's night because she was making sure I was ok. I know how it feels to have to look after a sad person at a party - it's NOT fun, so I felt really bad. The morning after I went up to her, said sorry, we hugged it out and we ate chocolate together *cuuuute*.
What can stop us from wanting to apologize?
I think the main thing would be feeling like I had done nothing wrong, but even if I hadn't, I'd still say sorry because that's who I am (I say sorry for everything, even silly things that I didn't do.... oops *soz not soz*)
@dreamcatcher HEY dreamcatcher! Glad you could make it
better late than never 🙂
haha you had me at college and captivated me at parties. feeling jealous.
Thats nice that you let yourself apologise frequently. I bet the people around you appreicate the small gestures here and there more then you realise.
and awesome answers, once again pride is a reason which stops us from wanting to apologise.
I felt bad for giving you such a hard thing to define but seems like you nailed it! Valueing your image particularly resonated with me
- Is it ever a good idea to say sorry if you don’t mean it?
This is a hard one for me to decide on. I think that in many situations, even if you dont mean it can be polite and contribute to a positive atmosphere and may make others feel good.
However, for serious personal issues such as with a close friend or family, I feel like fake apologies can just errode trust and the relationship.
WHAT doo you guys think?
Yeah dude that's hard.
Is it ever a good idea to say sorry if you don’t mean it?
I guess it depends on the person you're apologising to:
I think the English teacher believed me when I apologised to her and I really meant it.
Apologising to my step dad was pretty much saying sorry for something really small or something I didn't do. He never believed me when I said sorry even though I was only sorry so that he wouldn't become violent.
It's easier if you know the person well and can predict how they will react.
@FootyFan26 that sounds tough. Do you have any advice for those of us who might at some point be in a situation where we may have to apologise for osmething we dont do?
peronally I can think of some work place incidents that have made me take the blame for something that wasn't really anyone in particulars fault but just part of the process and a result of the particular environment where not everything can be perfect all the time.
I try to just say sorry, make sure everything's okay and then forget about it.
4. Is saying sorry enough? Or are there times when more is needed?
More is not needed all the time but it depends on the person and your relationship with them.
It's also hard to say sorry when the person won't let you apologise for what you've done. I was playing with my sibling once, jokingly locked one of the two doors he could enter through, was yelled at and sent home and wasn't allowed to say sorry. he refused to let us say sorry even though the event was miniscule. The only way I could show him that I was sorry was by not doing again. Trust me, I didn't do it again.
I find when people say sorry to me I acknowledge the apology and then put it in the past but if they do the same thing multiple times then I will start to not believe their apologies and start to doubt them.
but maybe your sibling just preferred the action without any of the verbal apologies..
and hey, you didn't do it again so you probably have made it up to them 🙂
My bro didn't even do anything wrong!
This is too confusing!
Next question guys!
6. It's possible to be left feeling unsatisfied when someone apologises to us. What do you expect from an apology?
6. It's possible to be left feeling unsatisfied when someone apologises to us. What do you expect from an apology?
The person apologising to mean it and show they mean it through their actions.
Also for them not to hold it against you in the future.
I think that would be the same for me too haha!
Never refreshed my page so many times! however time for next question!!!
5. When people realise they have made a mistake or done something wrong they usually apologise. Is it ever appropriate to reject an apology?
5. When people realise they have made a mistake or done something wrong they usually apologise. Is it ever appropriate to reject an apology?
Yes. When the person is a reoffender and shows you that their apologies are just meaningless words coming out of their mouth.
If you reject an apology it's best to explain to them why you have rejected it and how they can build your trust back eg.
I'm sorry for stealing the cookies from the cookie jar.
You've said that a lot and still do it. If you show me that you mean it by not stealing the cookies again then I'll accept your apology. For now you have to show me that you mean it and that I can trust you.
great example! 😄
