Changing Habits

During our discussion tonight…

We decided habits are things we do regularly. They can be good, bad or neutral. Initially there might be a reason for doing the thing but eventually it just becomes…well… habit. We pondered over whether normal behaviours (like eating) can be considered habits. Overall we thought the habit had an element of choice to it initially but later it might continue whether we want it to or not.

Next we went on to identify good and bad habits. Habits that are bad are ones which seem good and helpful in the short term, but have a negative impact long term. Good habits benefit us by contributing positively to our health, wellbeing and goals. But there can totally be neutral habits too!

Given habits can be good, bad and fine, how can we know when we need to change them? Generally when the habit is having a negative impact on ourselves, other people or our physical surroundings. But, it is up to us whether we want to do anything about it. If a habit is good you might also decide to mix things up a bit to make it even better!

When the decision has been made to change a bad habit we thought this could be done by:

• Noticing and being aware of the times you carry out the habit [put reminders in areas the habit occurs; be mindful]
• Keeping track of when you do them, how you feel and what you are thinking when you start [write a list and tally each time they come up to see the most common ones]
• Distracting yourself so you don’t carry out the habit
• Decreasing the times you do the habit so it slowly becomes less common
• Replacing it with different activities, to form new habits

Some ways we came up with to start new (hopefully good) habits included:

• Do it as regularly as possible to make it normal
• Have a reason for doing it so you can remind yourself when you need motivation
• Make a game out of it - create rewards (no matter how small) for doing it
• Make it easier to do than the alternative. Have the things you need for the good habit easily accessible
• Know that it will get easier in time (sometimes that time just takes longer than other times)
• Do it with a friend. Either as competition or support - whichever works better for you!
• Keep progress of how far you have come
• Reward yourself

Sometimes though things can get in the way. Keeping these in mind can help stop them from preventing you from making progress.These might be fears and self doubts, energy and time constraints or feeling frustrated about progress.

For these situations we can try to encourage ourselves to keep at it. It might be worth examining your expected habit and seeing if you can break it down into smaller more manageable ones. Then slowly building up. Maybe even using S.M.A.R.T [Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely] goals to help with this process. It is also important to be kind to yourself and know that you haven’t failed if you don’t do it once or twice. The bigger failure is giving up and not trying again.

It is really important to then reward ourselves for the hard work we put into changing habits. Some ways to do this include:

• Using words of encouragement and congratulations toward yourself
• Recognising the work it took and the little achievements along every step of the way as well as the positive outcome of the new habit once it is established
• Doing something special for yourself once you have been doing the habit for set periods of time (1 week; 1 month; 6 months; 1 year etc)

And that was our lovely discussion about changing habits 😄

If you are looking for distractions to replace a bad habit take a browse through RO’s 100000001 coping strategies.

Read RO’s 7 Strategies for Breaking Bad Habits

Perhaps some info about goals and motivation would also be useful

and that's preeeetttyyyy much a wrap! 

Thank you @FootyFan26 , @j95 and @N1ghtW1ng for popping on to chat through this! I learned a lot! Soon I'll be the Habit master. 

And a special thanks to @ClCl for chatting AND writing the summary AND eating their dinner all at the same time! 

You too @FootyFan26, come and talk about it tomorrow if you feel up to it! 

Yeah @j95 SMART is the bestest. 

Also for anyone reading this later who doesn't know what that is; a SMART goal is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely.

Last but MOST important...

How can we reward ourselves once we have created a good habit?

How can we reward ourselves once we have created a good habit?

I reckon you have to reward youself before you have made the habit! Going back to our last question you should reward yourself for smaller steps in your journey to your goal, not just when you've triumphed! So little things like maybe watching an episode of your favourite show after you successfully do a day or two, or buying some awesome thing that you've had your eye on after you've been at it for a month. Or even just noticing how awesome it is that you are achieving something that's important to you. 

How can we reward ourselves once we have created a good habit?

I like little "good work" "you can do this" "you're doing well" words of encouragement to myself as I am in the process of putting a habit into action.

I think looking back at progress and feeling proud is also mighty important.

Recognising the hard work we put into making the good thing a habit and knowing that it was a feat.

I think that's actually okay though @j95 I think we put a LOT of pressure on ourselves to achieve everything and all at once and sometimes those goals are a bit bigger than the ones you should be setting if you also want to have some Kmart time. 

So maybe another thing that gets in the way of changing a habit is setting some kind of HUGE goal instead of just one that's doable and a step in the process... 

How can we encourage ourselves to keep trying when we feel like we aren't getting anywhere?

I really like your idea @j95 about keeping track and looking back at progress. Then it will remind us how far we have gotten and that we can get there.

I guess being kind to ourselves too

How can we encourage ourselves to keep trying when we feel like we aren't getting anywhere?

I think break the habit into smaller bits if you can, if you have a big goal then try lots of little habits towards that rather than one big one. So for example, instead of having a goal of going to the gym every day for an hour and smashing the weights, you could have a goal of going once every 2 or 3 days and doing half an hour. Once you've got that down pat it can be easier to do the next step. 

I think the other thing to remember is that it isn't failure if you miss out or stop doing something, you've only really failed if you don't pick yourself up and start working on something that you want to do again after hitting a hiccup. 

@j95 we all have that dang voice, what's up with that voice and why is it such a jerk? 

I hear you @j95 me tooo.... Hopefully this next question might help a bit

How can we encourage ourselves to keep trying when we feel like we aren't getting anywhere?