Friends and Friendships
Hey everyone!
Lahna here 🙂 Hope you're all getting ready for the next GR session!
A good friend is someone who knows all about you, but still loves you! They help us through days when we aren’t feeling so great, make us laugh, cry, keep our secrets, get us out of sticky situations and are just there when we need them most. As you’ve probably guessed, next Monday’s GR is all about friends!
But what happens when a friend doesn’t live up to the expectations we had of them? Handling changes in friendships can be hard. How do you get friends, and keep them? How about handling conflict with your buddy?
It can be tough, but we all need a friend to lean on at times.
Join us 8pm AEST on Monday (6th June) for a chat about everything friends!
Summary time!!
So first everyone chipped in and helped us work out what a “good” friend really is! According to everyone, what makes a good friend depends on who you ask. They could be someone you can trust to be there during the bad times and the good. Someone who is honest with you, or someone who shares the same interests and values as you. Respect is also an important ‘good friend’ trait.
Friends can also show their support. From studying to moving house to encouraging us to get off the couch and hit the gym, having friends can make difficult and sometimes stressful situations much easier. They can also be an understanding ear for when you’re just not feeling great.
So how do you become a good friend? You can start by doing what you're good friends do for you: being there for your friends, providing a listening ear, helping them through the tough times and celebrating their achievements with them. Respecting them and their boundaries is also super important!
But while having friends can mean putting in a lot of effort for them, what about making them? That can also be really hard too – what does this person think of me? How do I talk to them? Do I have anything in common with them? Just mustering up the courage to approach them can be tough for the shy and socially anxious. It’s hard not to overthink that first conversation, and whether it will work.
So then how do you make friends? Starting slow can help: maybe start with a little small-talk, consistent meetings and maybe a coffee-date or two. You can also use social media, like Facebook, to connect with someone if you’re more comfortable interacting online. It really depends on what works best for you!
While friendships can be the relationship equivalent of pizza (aka the greatest food ever), sometimes they don’t turn out so great. Honesty in these situations can help, and if they’re a good friend they’ll listen to you. Sometimes though, they continue being kind of a butt. In those cases, the best thing for your well-being might be to avoid them, and hang out with your good friends.
This isn’t to say you should never bring up issues with your friends. Conflict is practically unavoidable in friendships, but whether it is healthy depends on how it’s handled. So long as you and your friend are respectful and honest, there’s no reason why a conflict should end badly.
Thank you everyone for coming out for this discussion! Special shout out to @Lahna and @Ben-RO for helping facilitate tonight, and remember to cherish the good friends in your life.
Can you think of something you might do this week for a good friend in your life?
Probably call my friend who's recently moved states to study! And provide some study motivation too of course
@PeanutJelly148 it is great that you're trying so hard to maintain friendships, but of course it's also important to be respected. I guess it is a balancing act and it depends on how important the friendship is to you.
Okay guys, last question!!
Can you think of something you might do this week for a good friend in your life?
Can you think of something you might do this week for a good friend in your life?
I will send one of my friends a message and say that I hope their exam revision is going well for uni 🙂 and maybe we should get breakfast when we get a chance.
Can you think of something you might do this week for a good friend in your life?
Give them chocolate, Do something nice after the exam, idk.
@PeanutJelly148 it's good to hear that some of your conflicts with friends are resolved positively! What do you do in those situations where you are blamed for the conflict?
@safari93 Well, i accept it, i want her to remain my friend and so for the fight to end i accept it and move on. Idk what i can really do.
Can you describe a time where you’ve been in a disagreement or fight with a friend? How did you and your friend resolve it?
I feel like I've already covered this question in the one about friends who aren't great for you, because that was the biggest fight I've had with a friend. I just talked to her (a little angrily, tbh, because I was doing the not-sensible thing of bringing up an issue and sitting on it), and to her credit she listened very patiently and changed her behaviour.
Can you describe a time where you’ve been in a disagreement or fight with a friend? How did you and your friend resolve it?
Can you describe a time where you’ve been in a disagreement or fight with a friend? How did you and your friend resolve it?
Well i've had to may to count, but they usually end in 3 ways:
We end up not friends
The blame gets pushed onto me,
or W resolve it and its back to normal. Yay.
@PeanutJelly148 oh gosh I'm getting flashbacks to year 12 English!!! But yes sometimes you need to bring issues up that are bothering you in a friendship
When is conflict in a relationship healthy?
Probably when an issue needs to be aired. Conflict can be difficult to cope with and feel terrible in a friendship, but the opposite is just sitting on your feelings and letting them grow until they come out, usually in a way which isn't very healthy for the friendship.
Lets talk a bit more about conflict:
When is conflict in a relationship healthy?
When is conflict in a relationship healthy?
I think sometimes it's good to lay things down on the table especially if there's been things building up for a while. As long as you hug and make up afterwards. That being said, sometimes things can't be resolved and it's good to know you can now move on.
When is conflict in a relationship healthy?
When it has a positive outcome and can address some issues for them to be resolved. (haha that was a prompt in english. :') haha)
@PeanutJelly148 sometimes the best thing is to just ease off from seeing someone who doesn't make you feel good, especially if they don't want to change their behaviour. Kudos to you for looking out for your wellbeing! Do you have other friends or people you trust that you can confide in about this? Or just be around as good friends?
well two of my friends from school just had a fight about 5 minutes ago.. legit. but i have a couple people im close with. Apart from the school counsellor i only really have one friend to confide in atm. i think the stress of yr 12 is getting to everyone and its taking its toll on friendships.
Have you ever made friends with someone who wasn’t so great for you? What did you do about it?
I did make friends with someone who wasn't great for me, and I eventually just had to back off with catching up so much with that person.
@PeanutJelly148 it sounds like you did what was best for you in the first situation though, which is important! (especially if you were scared of him - that's intense!). And it is up to you in the end, but you seem to know that this friend (in the second situation) isn't respecting you very much, and you really don't have to put up with that.
Have you ever made friends with someone who wasn’t so great for you? What did you do about it?
Actually one of my current closest friends was clingy to the point of being suffocating in high school. She called me literally every day, and would physically drag me to wherever she wanted to go at recess and lunch. Eventually I confronted her about it (not in the best way tbh, I was rather annoyed by this time) and she actually listened and gave me a bit more breathing space. I think that's why we're still good friends: we listen to each other and are honest with one another.
Okay then, but what if your friend isn't all you thought? Next question:
Have you ever made friends with someone who wasn’t so great for you? What did you do about it?
Have you ever made friends with someone who wasn’t so great for you? What did you do about it?
I did have a friend, when our friendship turned into a dating thing some things were revealed to me and i ended up being terrified for my safety so that ended things quickly and im still scared of him and avoid him.
Another situation is when my friend made me feel like crap, i talked to her about it, she didnt take it so well, made me feel like i was at fault, and we continued to be friends. but now we are fighting again and tbh i dont want our friendship to rekindle.
Sorry to hear that this is something you've had to struggle with @PeanutJelly148. What did you do to cope with that situation?
with the guy i told the school counseller person, and the 2nd situation I told her im stepping back from this arugement because i think its best and havent talked to her since. And honestly i dont plan to talk to her at all. but she doesnt know any of this because she'll become even more pissed at me then what she alreasy is. 😕
