[GR] It's getting better! ...Wait, no. It's getting worse.
It goes without saying that throughout our lives, we all go through stages where we are feeling better or worse than we usually would. Sometimes we may feel that we are coping well, achieving our goals and able to see our lives going the way we hope for, and it feels a little like it looks like this:
Other times, everything may feel overwhelming, impossible or too painful. And you're kinda just like:
For this week's Getting Real, we'll be discussing the concepts of Relapse and Recovery - what that means to us, how it affects our lives and what we can do to promote our wellbeing.
Join us from 8pm (AEDT) on Monday, January 9th to discuss your thoughts Relapse and Recovery or post below with your ideas!
*dead*
Goddamnit guys, just when I thought I was finally caught up- this is what I get for skipping leg day.
And the day before that.
And the day before that.
And all the other leg days.
What's a leg day?
Have you been able to overcome a relapse? How were you able to do this?
Man, I've actually been pretty bad at this, given you know. 3 MDE's. I'm afraid I don't have a straightforward answer to this- what worked for me could be radically different from what works (or is impossible) for somebody else, and further complicating the matter is the fact that I didn't do very much to get out of the first two- things around me changed and that change just so happened to be helpful. (In my defense, I didn't really know what was going on during the first two episodes.)
Long expositional character backstory aside- I think I've tried most things (barring physical exercise, obviously) across the different episodes, but most of them involved some combination of skill-building (to get me out of my head) and tapping into/making a new support network, ranging from making some new friends to finally getting myself to therapy. I've also found doing charitable/cause-related work really fulfilling from a non-religious, "spiritual" perspective, by making you feel like you're part of a greater whole while you're working towards something together. I think the key thing though, was just learning to introspect and figure out what it was that I was dissatisfied about -whether it was my relationships, my grades, or a job and then working towards fixing those things- e.g. volunteering or interning to build my employable skillset, applying for jobs, etc. I suppose I've been pretty fortunate in that I've been able to fix most of those things so far...I could definitely see it being a lot harder to overcome my relapses if the cause wasn't something I could actively work towards and just had to try and forget.
Bottomline: Overcoming relapse is tricky and I definitely don't relish the idea of having to put my resilience to the test- the idea of it still scares me, and I suspect it probably will for a long time yet to come. But I'm a lot further along than I was before, and that's what's important here, because "recovery" is a constant process.
@May_ Re: A better word that would fit better than recovery does- hmm.... that's a tricky one. Maybe something along the lines of Resilience-building? (Seeing as that's what we spend most of the recovery process doing anyway.) Self-development could also fit too, although that's more of a general term.
Thanks for the discussion tonight guys! (Even if I was lagging behind for most of it. That'll teach me for showing up late. 
)
@loves netball I'm worried about your safety, please check your email.
...atttt the cost of potentially breaking the flow of discussion, I'd just like to take a "quick" nip at Q1 since I missed it: (Sorry guys!)
What do recovery and relapse mean to you?
For me, recovery is essentially just a mixture of resilience and skill-building. It's not a "journey", because journeys have a destination, whereas I just want to "get better, period". I want to achieve my goals, get more skills and push even further beyond that. Some of my worst days were in my past- I don't want to "get back to where I used to be", because the last time I was "where I used to be", I tripped and fell into a giant chasm that took like 3 years to climb out of. So stuff "normal" (whatever "normal" even means).
I want to get beyond that. Far, far beyond that, where my depression is just a faint grey line on the horizon. Been there, done that, thanks for your hospitality, but I'd rather not come back, thank you very much.
So I actually think the term "Recovery" is a bit of a misnomer, since it propagates an idea of "getting back to baseline", as if there is an endpoint where you can sit down and say "yep, I'm recovered!".
I've had 3 MDE's in the past decade and a half. Statistically speaking, the odds of my relapsing into a depressive episode at some point are pretty close to 100%. I don't have time to sit down, I need to keep striving, to keep hitting goals, to push myself further and furth- aaannnd I just realised that totally makes me sound like a fitness junkie.
But I don't think that's a coincidence though. Because for me, recovery is like training up your physical fitness- it's something you constantly work at, day after day- not because you're trying to "make up" for some deficiency, but because that's just what needs to be done in order to achieve the goals you set for yourself. It's not a race. There are milestones, but there's no finish line.
For instance, I used to have "get a job" as one of my personal milestones. That didn't stop once I got one, it just changed from "get a job" to "keep my job" and then "get better at it". If developing a support network is part of your recovery process, you don't dump your friends the instant you feel better, and nor do you stop making friends. It never hurts to have more people to lean on anyway, particularly since support networks are dynamic and prone to change; sometimes relationships just don't work out, or people move away, and it's good to know that you'll still be supported when that happens.
Blending that with the previous question: (I'm old, I can't keep up with you young folks.)
Do you think it's okay to have a relapse? What are the negative and positive aspects of having a relapse?
From my perspective, "relapse", is losing control over the advancement towards your goals for a moment. The "loss of control" aspect is important, because a recovered alcoholic who sips one drink at a party hasn't necessarily relapsed if they're drinking responsibly and everyone (recovered alcoholic included) ends up having a good time with not bad consequences. It is a relapse if they immediately chug a case of beer over the next day and a half and have to get their stomach pumped to get rid of the stuff.
As far as relapses go, they're pretty much mostly negative, in that they feel like crap, but there's nothing morally wrong with it. It's just a thing that happens. Even the most gym-minded fitness junkie skips leg day once in a while, and I'm almost 100% sure that everyone who has ever gone on a diet has broken it at one point. We're all human, none of us are perfect, and my will is not ironclad. Sometimes we slip up. And that's fine, so long as we find a way to get back up again (even if the way back up isn't glamorous.)
As for positives- I guess there is a positive aspect to relapses in that they can get you to reconsider your recovery process - e.g. "Was I too dependent/fixated on one thing/one person?" and it can put you in touch with some really great people when you reach out and expand your support network.
I refer to most of my relapses as potentially harmful. I'm still here so I guess I get past each one. It can involve using my skills or getting support from others
I'm going to have to head off now, still got a bunch of things to do before bed. Goodnight everyone!!
Goodnight @safari93 thanks for logging on!
Do you think it’s okay to have a relapse? What are the positive and negative aspects of having a relapse?
Yes I think it's ok to have a relapse - I think accepting that is key to recovery.
Negative - emotionally/physically horrible and unpleasant, can trigger negative thoughts
Positive - can make you stronger (Eg if I got through that I can get through anything), can strengthen your ability to empathise with others, makes you human
?
The biggest setbacks I've noticed are just my own thought processes about things. I think if you hear certain messages about yourself and your place in life over and over, you just accept that they are true, and then you end up blaming yourself for not being able to live up to what is expected of you. It took me a while just to start questioning those maladaptive thoughts, and even now I find myself slipping back into them - the main difference now is that I notice when it's happening, and have ways of deconstructing them
@letitgo I really feel you on the honesty thing, I often felt like I was a burden or a failure if I admitted to relapsing. In reality, honesty does pretty much the opposite of what you think, and just strengthens the bond you have with your supports
exactly @safari93. I read a quote once that said, "secrets make you sick." And I know it's cliche, but I've found that the truth does bring with it a kind of freedom and relief you can't get from anything else
Helloo!! I'm just going to start from q 2 hahah
What is something that has or could have helped you on your recovery journey?
For me, writing things down or having support around me as others have suggested - I sometimes find it hard to notice when I'm being self-destructive or at least not helping myself, so keeping track of my own behaviours and having other people to bounce thoughts off has been useful in developing self-awareness
I think trying to live in the moment and acceptance and key to the recovery journey. Trying not to feel guilty for relapsing and knowing mistakes are inevitable is key to staying on track in the general upwards direction I think
But, to me, recovery means getting to a position where you can have strategies in place that help you deal with whatever you have going on. It means being in a position where you're able to care for yourself and achieve your goals.
Relapse to me is falling in to that same old pattern of not caring for yourself, and being stuck in a rut where everything feels way too overwhelming to deal with.
[ POSTING ON BEHALF OF @ivory ]
At some point in our lives, most of us will experience 'falling off the wagon' - times where we can't meet our own expectations, or go back to doing something we swore we wouldn't. This is known as relapse. Relapses are hard; one might feel as though we have let ourselves and those around us down. Sometimes, relapse starts us on a downward spiral because we feel like once we've fallen off the wagon, we can't get back on.
Many people, however, see relapse as a vital step on your recovery journey. Recovery isn't a nice, linear transition from not okay to okay. There will be times when it's tough, and you feel like you haven't recovered at all - speaking from experience, there's definitely been times where I feel like I've taken steps backwards!
Learning about relapse, how to prevent it, and more importantly, how to bounce back from a relapse, are all things to consider in your recovery journey. This is what we'll be talking about in today's GR.
During tonights discussion please remember to follow the community guidelines. If at any point you feel distressed or overwhelmed please contact Lifeline [13 11 14] or Kids Help Line [1800 55 1800]
Tagging @j95 @dustb0wldance @Chloee @FootyFan26 in, just in case, since you sort of requested it, high fived the original post or might be interested in it!
